


Regrets

by Lenkia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anger, Angst, Barista Rey (Star Wars), Birth Control, Blackmail, Blood and Torture, Blow Jobs, Choking, Dark, Dominant Kylo Ren, Drowning, Eventual Romance, F/M, Forced Orgasm, Gender Roles, Heavy Angst, Humiliation, Jealous Kylo Ren, Kidnapping, Knifeplay, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Loss of Virginity, Marking, Mind Manipulation, Murder, Non-Consensual, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Older Man/Younger Woman, Organized Crime, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Poor Rey is 19, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Kylo Ren, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Psychological Torture, Punishment, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Slavery, Spanking, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, Unsafe Sex, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), almost, and happy Kylo Ren is 35, mentioned human trafficking, read the tags, violence against pregnant woman!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-02-07 14:26:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 62,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenkia/pseuds/Lenkia
Summary: Rey sees something she wasn't supposed to see and now she has to pay for it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, this is my first Star Wars fanfiction so please be nice hihi
> 
> Before you read, please REMEBER THE TAGS. I will add more as the story goes so remember to read ok ok ok? ok
> 
> Once again; THIS IS A DARK FIC SO READ THE TAGS

Rey had just moved into her new apartment and she had never felt so proud in her whole life. 

With packed, filled boxes all around the empty rooms, pieces of furniture so old that it was ready to be thrown and the smell of excitement, she looks around the little space she moved into and smile happily, wiping the sweat from her forehead as she let out an exhausted, satisfying exhale. 

“Almost done!”, Rey sings when Finn comes into the soon-to-be living room and puts down the last box. 

“It’s looking good so far.”, her friend says, stretching his back loudly. “Bet you’ll cry soon as I leave though.” Rey rolls her eyes and flips the finger, making Finn laugh as he sits down on the floor tiredly.

It wasn’t really nice being a foster kid. For as long as Rey can remember, she had been jumping from home to home with either rich people wanting to “pay back to the society” and saw Rey as charity work, or she had been staying with drunk people desperate for some alcohol money. Unkar Plutt was one of them. 

Rey was just 12 when she landed at Unkar’s shitty house. He gave her a room and money for food (sometimes just 7 dollars a week) and let her do whatever she wanted. At first, Rey liked the idea. Someone who finally could just leave her alone without either trying to pity-talk with her or insulting her. But even when she came home late or got an A on homework, she got no type of attention at all. It’s not fun being 12 and invisible, but Rey was used to it. 

Not did she just move into a new foster house, she also moved town. That also came with the foster kid stuff. Rey was 12 and not even scared when she stepped into middle school, too used to seeing new faces and new teachers. With confident (or maybe just tiredness) she introduced herself to her new classmates and at lunch, nobody wanted to sit with her. It was in the middle of the term and everyone already had their group of friends. 

Lucky for Rey, she was used to that too.

“Hey, you that new girl from class right?”, a boy said the next day, sitting in front of her with his brick of food. Rey was surprised when he suddenly started to eat, waiting for an answer. Being so open and just...

Eating lunch with her. 

“Y-yes.”, she stuttered. “Rey.” 

“Cool.”, the boy said while chewing on his sandwich. “Finn.” 

“Cool.”, Rey said back and went back to eating her own sandwich. 

It turned out that Finn had been a foster kid too until he got adopted by the age of 9 and now lived with only a mother a few minutes from school. Rey was jealous but hid her feelings, for it wasn’t worth it. Finn was kind and nice, everyone loved him (mostly the teachers) and so did Rey. He truly deserved it. 

But because of that, they bonded quickly and had a lot in common. They told their stories about being kicked around and the feeling of being unwanted. It was overwhelming but also good for her soul. It helped a lot to talk with someone who felt and went through the same shit she did. They became really good friends. 

And then, one year went, then two, then four and suddenly they were 19 and sitting on Rey's apartment floor, giggling with a bottle of wine in their hand, a moving-in gift from Finn's mother.  

“I can’t fucking believe it!”, Finn laughs, passing the bottle to Rey who happily took it. “I thought that you were just talking when you said to me that you’re saving up for an apartment.”

“And here we are!”, Rey cheers, taking a sip from the wine. “I was only 15, but I had dreams, Finn. Dreams are what defines your road to life-”

“ _ Man _ , shut up Oprah!”, Finns mutters loudly and Rey laughs. 

They were in the middle of class at the age of 15 when Rey got a text from her cellphone, a 10-year-old model. She opened the message, yawning loudly when she suddenly froze. 

“Finn!”, she whispered, trying to wake up her friend sleeping on the school desk. “ _ Finn! _ ”

“What?”, he slurred. “Let me sleep-”

“I got the job!”

“What?”

“I got the job!”, Rey cried quietly, making sure their teacher wouldn’t notice them. “At the café. Jakku Café!” Finn looked like a question mark. “How can you forget, you literally went with me!”

“I did?”

“ _ Ugh! _ Just go back to sleep.”, Rey said before hitting him on the head.

Rey was a hundred percent sure that they wouldn’t hire her, a high school student who was already busy enough with homework. Yet she held her head high when she walked into the desert-inspired cafeteria and left her CV. An old lady named Maz Kanata, the cafe owner took it with a smile and three days later together with an interview, she got the job. 

She was just going to be cleaning the tables and do the dishes, but with the months, her position got higher and finally, she ended at the front disk and did the coffees. Not only that, her pay raised too and when she received her first paycheck at the age of 15, she was already then determined to save and move into her own apartment. And her dreams went through.

Now she was 19 and worked full time with pay that she could survive with. 

Life has never felt better. 

 

 

At around 1 AM, Finn leaves a bit drunk, giving Rey a hug before leaving. 

“Text me when you get home!”, she screams from the living room window. She only lives on the second floor so he hears her and waves over his shoulder with stumble steps before walking to the street in search of a taxi. 

Rey closes the window fast. It’s ice cold outside, already October. She rubs her hands for warmth, turning around and sees the filled boxes ready to be sorted. A mattress is already laid in the only bedroom in the apartment, so she could go to sleep. But the wine together with the adrenaline flowing in her system keeps her wide awake. 

“Let’s get some work done.”, she whispers to herself before squatting down to open up the nearest box. 

 

 

At around 2 AM, Rey is exhausted.

She managed to find her toothpaste and pajamas, but not her toothbrush, so she brushes her teeth with her finger and almost falls asleep while doing it. Thank God she got the evening shift tomorrow and not the morning. Otherwise, she’d never manage to wake up.

While walking down the small corridor in her apartment (her  _ own _ apartment!), she lets her hand slide against the tired, blue wallpaper that she fell in love with the moment she saw it. Yawning when reaching the kitchen, maybe the smallest place in the house. Even this she loved since it was all her own. Not that she was so good at cooking food, but she could start.

Rey searches for a glass but realizes a little late that she only has one stupid mug, and it’s hiding in one of the 7 boxes in the living room. 

Rey shakes her head, trying to keep the sleep away from her just until she gets to bed. Instead, she opens the water and drinks from her hands, the stingy taste of toothpaste disappearing. 

She needs to buy glasses, Rey realizes as she leans against the wall, looking out the window. But she also needs a new phone. But it was still working, even if it’s a few years old. Maybe the phone can wait.

A sudden movement interrupts Rey’s thoughts when she sees a man walking down the alley. He was covered in all black, if not maybe pink or just blue. It was too dark to see and the only light she saw was from the street much further away. But she could definitely see that it was a man. 

Rey sighs annoyed when the man stops, leaning against the wall. Waiting almost. 

Great, she thinks. Drug dealing right in front of her apartment. Of course, the estate agent forgot to mention that. Rey knew that stuff like that happened around the city. It wasn’t uncommon and she knew that this was not the  _ best _ part of the city. But it has never been mentioned in the news and even Finn told her that his mother said the place was fine. And just a 20-minute walk to work, Rey was sold. 

Maybe it’s just late and she looked out the window at the wrong day, wrong time. Rey suddenly sees three more men walking up to the guy. Silver cloud leaving behind a trail as they smoked their cigarettes, talking with the unknown man. 

Whatever. Rey yawns, leaning out against the wall and walking with small steps towards her bedroom. Maybe she should bake some cookies to her neighbors tomorrow. That would be nice-

A sudden sound makes Rey flinch, a surprised moan leaving her mouth before her whole body freeze in place, trying to understand what she just heard. She has heard that sound before, in movies, games-

Before she knows it, she hears hundreds of shots after each other and Rey cries in fear, throwing herself down the floor and covers her head in protection. It’s too loud, too close and Rey whole body shakes as she cries, afraid that something will hit her. What the hell was happening? Rey was just drinking wine with Finn and the next thing she knows, there is someone shooting just outside her apartment.

The shooting stops, but Rey doesn’t dare to move. Her whole body shakes in fear, eyes wide open and tears running down her cheeks. People talked about moments when they  _ really _ feared for their lives and Rey had never related. Not until now. 

With a slow movement, she stands up. The ticking from the clock and her heavy breathing was the only thing she heard together with sirens far away, coming closer with every second. Like walking on ice, Rey takes slow steps towards the window, swallowing down her sobs and wiping her tears as she finally looks out. 

She sees the same first man who waited, laying in the ground with something white covered around his whole body. Unmoving. Dead. 

Rey wants to scream but place her hands on her mouth. Cries into her palms loudly and tears uncontrollably as the two men pick the body up and take him further down the alley. Maybe to load him into their car. 

The last man stands their alone, admiring the pool of blood in front of him and on the wall while smoking. Blood splattered everywhere. 

Rey feels a panic attack coming. She has never had one, but it turns harder to breathe the longer she stares at the blood. She lives on the second floor, yet she sees  _ all _ this blood. It’s too much. Too much for her. 

She thought she was though. Rey always thought that she could handle everything but now she feels weak and fragile and wants to vomit. Murder wasn’t as easy as they portray it on TV and Rey feels tricked. What should she do? What is happening? 

Rey keeps crying, keeps screaming into her shaking hands and tries to figure out what the hell she should do-

Rey freeze when the man suddenly turns around. And his eyes land on hers. 

She suddenly can’t hear a thing. Not even her beating heart. Maybe that had stopped too.

They stare at each other, wide eyes meeting his. He has deep, hungry ones. A pale face splattered with blood and hair wavy in a low bun. It was the only thing she saw, but it was enough.

She takes in his appearance, and so does he. And they just stare at each other. Maybe minutes goes by, maybe seconds.

Then Rey takes a big step to her left and presses her body against the wall. Unseeable from the window. Eyes wide in shock, heart racing too fast for it to be healthy. Body shaking uncontrollably.

It’s not until she hears sirens right outside the apartment she realizes what might happen to her and she breaks out in a crying mess.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My ghaad guys I usually don't update for at least 4 days between but I can't help myself hihi enjoy ~

Rey has seen too many murder documentaries to know that it’s enough.

When you see the face, a person's biggest part of their identity, you have 0% percent of surviving. It could be anything, robbing to abuse. But one thing's for certain.

When you see the face, it always ends up the same. 

Murder. 

So when Rey is being questioned by a police officer almost 3 AM, she doesn’t know how to calm herself down. Her breaths are fast, her heart is racing and the sweat won't stop running down her back. 

“Ms. Niima, you need to calm down.”, the officer says, takes up his papers on Rey’s kitchen table. He scratches his curly black hair, looking at the papers with a yawn. The officer was attractive, Rey knew through his tired face expression. She knows he is handsome, she has thought so before, many years ago. But right now, she wasn’t feeling attraction. Only the opposite. 

Was she supposed to tell Officer Dameron about what she saw? About the man, then three more men, then the white covered dead body and  _ his _ dark eyes, pale face, and blood splattered across his face?

Rey wasn’t stupid, that wasn’t a regular murder. They wore black costumes, walked with confidence and took someone's life with cigarettes in their mouths. It must be some kind of mafia, organized crime. Something bad, deeper than just a murder. 

So should Rey tell the police about what she saw? Wouldn’t  _ they _ kill her the moment she stepped out of the apartment? That’s what she saw in movies and Rey didn’t want to die. Her life just started. She was finally out of Unkar’s nasty house and the pay was getting better and better. She even planned to travel when the money was enough.

“Niima?” 

“Y-yes.”, Rey says startled, lifting her eyes to meet the officers.

“When was the time you heard the shootings?” Any other person in the building could answer that, but of course, they had to make sure no one was lying or giving another statement. The whole police department must be in her building right now, questioning her neighbors one by one, and of course, Poe Dameron landed in her apartment. 

“Rey.” Poe massages his eyes, trying to keep out the sleepiness. She knew that gesture, has seen it many times. “You need to tell me.” 

“It was around 2 AM or something.”, Rey says rushed, stressed, annoyed. She puts her hand over her face, trying to calm herself down. “Poe, God I’m scared!”, Rey wails, shaking her head and feeling tears threaten to burst out. She hasn’t told him that she saw everything happen. She hasn’t told him about the dead body and that man's cold face. She was too scared to tell.

Poe puts down the papers in his hand, a sign of showing that this was getting personal.

“Rey, you have to give me details. Anything might help me, us, to catch the First Order.” Rey looks up confused, meeting Poe’s serious and cold eyes that make her shiver. Behind his tired face, was a glow. Anger 

“First Order?” Poe leans against the chair, crossing his arms. 

“I know it was those fuckers. It’s a group doing the usual shit. Drugs, weapons, human trafficking.” Rey swallows terrified. “They have started doing their businesses in our city. Don’t blame them. It’s a big, crowdy one and it’s hard to find leads.” Once again. Poe’s eyes burn. “I know they have people on the inside. People in the police department hiding evidence. No one has ever been able to catch them.” 

Just like Rey suspected. They did the organized crime. They were big. Dangerous. 

She wants to puke. 

“That’s why we need any information. Anything to catch them.” What Poe said to Rey didn’t make her feel any less easy and it feels like someone is choking her. Refusing to let her speak a word. “I know it’s a lot to think about. And I know it’s scary.” Poe stands up, ready to leave in Rey’s surprise. “I wish I could give you some kind of protection, but we don’t have enough evidence to know it’s them. You were sleeping during everything, right?” 

Rey doesn’t know if she should lie or not. Tell him that no, she was wide awake. Probably the only one awake, and she saw everything. But he doesn’t know that and no one knows that so it would be easy to just lie-

“Come by the station in two days. Clear your head, try to remember anything. Every little detail is important.”, Poe says, interrupting her thinking and didn’t give her the chance to answer. Rey is thankful for that. “I don’t recommend you to stay here.” Poe gives her his card. Information and phone number on it. “Any place you could stay for the night?” 

Rey thinks, her eyes suddenly stinging and she nods painfully. 

 

 

“Why are you here, child?”, Unkar spits in Rey’s face where she stands by the doorway. Rey doesn’t say anything, only clutch into her backpack and walk past the fat man and into the house. Up to the stairs and into her old room where she locks herself in. 

Everything is just as she left it. Rey really thought it would be the last time she stays in this miserable nasty room. She really thought she would move on in her life. 

Rey leans against the wall and she cries loudly.

 

 

“What the hell do you mean shootings?”, Finn screams through the phone, making Rey cringe. She held the phone between her shoulder and ear, scrubbing off the dried coffee stains on the tables. It was finally nine PM and Jakku Cafe was closed for the day. Thank God, Rey had the evening shift and Paige, who had the morning, left tired and done for the day with a smile at around 1 PM. Rey only smiled back, thankful that Paige didn’t notice her red, puffy eyes and still shaking hands. It felt weird going back to work when she went through the worst night of her life. 

“Yeah, and I saw everything, Finn.”, Rey whispers weak, balancing the phone on her shoulder. “Everything. Blood, dead body.” Finn gets quiet on the other side and Rey takes a deep exhale, stops the scrubbing and closes her eyes. Trying to calm herself down.

“I got questioned by police, and I didn’t dare to say anything. I was so afraid that... _they’ll_ kill me.” Rey chuckles, no humor in it. “Call me paranoid, but I don’t want to get involved in some kind of, mafia shit.” 

“I understand.”, she hears Finn say. Voice unsteady. “I understand.” Rey nods, even if she knows he can’t see. “And you  _ still  _ went to work?”

“I have to get money some way, Finn. Besides, guess who questioned me.” It’s quiet for a second. 

“Poe?”

“Yeah. Crazy how times go.” 

Poe Dameron was a few years older than them when they went to high school. He was a flirty boy, popular and handsome. The girls loved him, yet the three of them became friends. Rey thought it was weird that he had all those friends, yet he came to them. 

“I don’t have friends.”, Poe once said during lunch, picking on his sandwich as both Finn and Rey looked at him surprised. “It’s all for show, y’ know?” It was. And they just  _ clicked _ and had so much fun the first years and Rey really thought that they would be the best group of friends ever. 

Then, he just stopped hanging out with them. 

“What’s wrong with Poe?”, Rey asked Finn when he walked past them in the hallway. Not even giving them a glance. Finn didn’t answer and when Rey glanced at him, he wore blush on his face and refused to have eye contact with anyone. 

And that was it. Rey knew something had happened between them. She just doesn’t know what. 

They talk for a few minutes more before Rey has to finish the call. There was the counter she had to clean and the coffee machines too. Tomorrow she has the morning shift and she did not want to leave it dirty only to clean it five in the morning. Besides, she had to go to the police station tomorrow. Come up with a solution.

Rey, once again scrubs the dried coffee on the counter, happy to have her mind of other things beside last night when the typical sound from opening the door was heard. 

“Sorry, we’re closed.”, she screams over her shoulder, stuck on one particular stain. The clock was 9, they closed one hour ago. Besides, who drinks coffee this late? 

“Oh, I think we can make a new agreement on that.” Rey finally turns around, annoyed by the smug, confident voice when she suddenly freezes, the cloth in her hand falling to the ground. 

Right in front of the door stood two, large, men wearing tuxedos, glasses on even if it's mid-October with no sun outside. One of them locked it behind himself while the other looked ready. For what, Rey doesn’t know, but she knows that they are bodyguards. 

And right in front of them stood a man. Not much shorter than the bodyguards, with red hair and green eyes that seemed to enjoy the way Rey was frightened. 

Because she was. She really fucking was and her body started to shake as she presses her body against the counter in an attempt to keep a further distance from them. 

“Who are you?”, Rey asks with confidence in her voice. But she knows who they are. She knew the moment she saw those black fucking tuxedos. 

“That’s not your problem, honey.” The red-haired man takes a step towards Rey, and she twitches in fear. Rey needs to stay strong. She needs to because if they were here to kill her, she wouldn’t go down without a fight. “The problem is that you saw something you should have not.” Rey swallows. 

“Maybe you need to do your business somewhere more private.” The man chuckles. 

“Maybe.” He takes one step more and Rey takes one step back to the side. “I saw you talking with the police,  _ Rey _ .” Rey shouldn’t be surprised that he knows her name, yet she is and her eyes turn wide. “That is a big  _ big  _ problem. Normally, I’ll just keep witnesses quiet my way. It’s easier to keep a secret in the grave, isn’t it?” 

This is it, Rey thinks, suddenly wanting to scream, cry and run all at the same time. This is the moment she dies. Just when her life started. Just when she felt happy. Just when she moved in and was satisfied with her hard work. All of her hard work would just land in the grave with her secret. 

A sob escapes Rey and she thinks for a second if begging her life would work. But the man continues to give her that smirk before he turns around to the door. 

“But I won’t Rey. I’m a nice person. But only the first time.” He looks over his shoulder. “If I, or any of my men, see you talking with those blue-wearing fuckers, we’ll do it  _ my _ way.” 

Then they leave and Rey can only stare at the door long before they’re gone. 

_ What has she gotten herself into? _

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update!!! School has been rough on me ;O

 

When Rey walks home, she notices a black car following her. An SUV with dim windows, creeping beside her as she walks on the sidewalk. It took a few moments to realize it, but as Rey kept walking, she felt like someone was watching her. Glancing over her shoulder, she sees a car and at the apartment, she sees the same through the window. 

Rey's hands shake when she pulls the curtains, covering the window. 

 

 

The next day, early in the morning, Rey wakes up. She has the morning shift, but she doesn’t want to go. Rey just wants to sleep on her uncomfortable mattress in the small bedroom and just sleep away everything that has happened in the last few days. The boxes were still unmoving from two days ago but Rey had no motivation to clear them.

Rey skips breakfast. She can’t eat anything. Instead, she puts on her work clothes and slowly looks out the window. The air around her seems harder to breathe and sweat is already forming up in her palms. The car was still there. Hasn’t moved since yesterday. 

When Rey walks to work the car slowly creeps behind her and Rey wants to run and never look back again. 

  
  


Customers glare at her angrily all day and Rey can’t blame them. She has messed their drinks a handful of times. The morning rush didn’t make the whole thing much better and neither the fact that Rey could see the black car through the windows by the counter.

Her hands shook, eyes keep stinging. Why couldn’t they just leave her alone? All because she saw a murder happen. All because she couldn’t have just gone to sleep like a sane person-

“I said Cappuccino! Hello,  _ excuse me _ ?!”, a lady scream and Rey jump startled. 

“Y-yes, yes sorry.”

Finally, it’s 1 PM and her shift is over. Rey takes off the apron fast, snatches her bag and leaves as fast as she can, ignoring Paige who only managed to say half her 'hi'. Rey hears the car start the moment she takes a step out the door. But she keeps her head high, clutching her bag by the shoulder and walks past people like she’s one of them. Normal. 

She won’t let them scare her. That’s what they wanted and she would _not_ let that red-haired bastard win. 

 

 

Rey glares at her phone, guilt growing in her body when she sees Finn text her for the 8th time today. Asking where she was, how she is and why the hell she hasn’t called him back.

How could she tell her best friend that she has been stalked by an illegal organization for 4 days? 

It was easier to just ignore him. Rey had gotten a warning right in her face. That she’ll get killed if she opens her mouth. And she didn’t want Finn to have  _ anything _ to do with this. Because he’ll probably do something. Maybe walk up to that damn car and bank the shit out of the window and tell them to leave her the fuck alone. 

Rey rather does that. 

It’s hard being watched. It felt like any, little thing you did was enough to be murdered for. Rey hasn’t eaten properly these five days and it’s killing her. Her once glowing face is now replaced with frightened, dark-circled eyes and a red nose from the constant crying. 

Rey always made sure to cry in the darkest corner in her room. She won’t let them see her cry. She won’t let them win. 

The evening shift was over and it was time to close. Rey puts down her phone in her pocket and takes the black bag filled with trash over her shoulder. It’s heavy, but she’s strong. While she’s in the back room, she takes off her apron and puts on her jacket together with her bag. 

She fumbles with the keys in her hand when she suddenly stops beside the counter, dropping them in a dramatic gesture that makes a harsh noise. Her face turns white as sheets. Mouth wide open mutually with her eyes and her heart stops when she sees Poe, in his blue, police clothes. He leans against the door, probably waiting on Rey. 

“Hey, there you are.” Rey keeps staring at him, feeling her heart start to beat. Harder and faster and quicker and stronger. It might jump out of her chest, and it’s not easy to breathe when the air around her feels like black smoke filling her lungs. He looks so carefree, completely unaware of the panic attack Rey feel creeping up on her. “You didn’t come by the station. A statement must be left, Rey. It’s important.” 

Rey looks at the window. The SUV is nowhere to be seen.

Yesterday, that would have delighted her. Now, it made Rey want to scream in despair. 

This can’t be good. This  _ can’t be  _ good, Rey hyperventilate. Trying to calm herself down as the world around her starts to get smaller, spinning. 

“Rey, are you alright-”

“You need to leave,  _ now! _ ”, Rey screams, picking up the keys on the floor and racing towards the door. “Leave, Poe!” The officer immediately notices something is wrong. Rey looks shaken, frightened to death and sweat pouring down her face. 

“Rey, are you alright?”, he asks worried before he freezes in the spot too. “Did- did they talk to you?” Rey turns quiet and it’s enough for Poe to understand. 

“Leave!”, Rey yells, but he doesn’t even move. Placing his hands around her wrist in an attempt to calm her down. 

“Rey, what happened? What did they say? We can catch them, Rey, all you have to do is come by the station-” 

Rey wasn’t hearing this. He couldn’t be fucking serious. His eyes were wide in both fear and excitement, happy to finally have a lead in this case. Poe was recently hired. He probably wanted to make a name for himself.  _ Poe Dameron - the one who took down the First Order. _

But Rey refused to be a part of it. She fucking refused and she would _not_ be a part of this cat and mouse play that they had going on. 

She just wanted to drink tea in her own apartment and enjoy it. She wants her normal life back. 

Tears run down her cheeks and in anger, she snatches her wrist from his grip and she runs. Doesn’t give a shit that she has to close for the night and doesn’t give a shit that Poe is screaming after her. She keeps sobbing as she goes, breathing heavy and ugly and the few people walking past her gives her odd glares but Rey doesn’t care because she will die now, right? It’s over for her. She wants that car to sneak by her side on the streets but she doesn’t see anything and it’s enough for her to know. 

As Rey kept running, falling almost two times, she fishes out her phone from her pocket and tries to call Finn. He doesn’t answer and Rey wail in frustration. She leaves a message instead. 

“Finn- Finn I’m going to die!”, she screams, sobbing and pants at the same time. “They’ve been following me all this fucking time and now they’re finally going to kill me- I’m sorry. I love you, Finn. I really do-” An annoying sound interrupts her. 

His box is full. 

It usually takes 20 minutes from work to her apartment. She got there at 5. She runs up the stairs, two at the time and her legs are screaming for rest but Rey can’t listen because she needs to hide in the corner of her room to feel safe. To calm down. 

She finally reaches her door, her hands shaking when putting the keys in the lock and when she finally opens, she slams the door after herself and rests her head against the door. 

It’s suddenly quiet, the only sound is Rey’s heavy breathing and the ticking clock from the hall. 

Rey finally manages to calm down. She manages to convince herself to take a few full breaths. 

She convinces herself that everything would be fine. 

“Oh, Rey.” Her eyes open fast. “You should’ve just kept your mouth shut. Now we  _ have  _ to do it my way.”

Before Rey could scream, a cloth covers her face and one inhale is enough to knock her out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I can't believe how many nice comments I've gotten! Thank you all for your kind words <333
> 
> ~Lenkia


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's very late, I haven't read this through and I don't have the energy for it lol 
> 
> Extra long chapter for u guys love u all uwuuuuu 
> 
> Guys forgot to tell (like four chapters late lol) but my first language is not English so if you see grammar mistakes and such, you'll know. 
> 
> Enjoy!!!

 

A sudden white flash wakes Rey up and she groans loudly as she clenches her eyes hard. Something had covered her face, and someone had snatched it. Exposing her sensitive eyes to a light reminding her of hospitals. Just a way too loud white light. 

Rey tries to wake up, tries to open her eyes but she just can’t. Rey once had surgery, removed her tonsils and it was too hard to open her eyes afterward. To hard to start her brain. It felt just like this now. 

She must have been drugged, Rey thinks while spinning her head slowly, managing to open her eyes a bit. There was a ringing sound in her ear, the voice of talking right under the ringing. Like she’s underwater. 

“She saw everything. It needs to be done.” The ringing disappeared, so did the tiredness and Rey was waking up, finally seeing stuff beside the light in her eyes. Her mouth felt dry. Way too dry and she tries to rasp after water. Just an ounce of water. “We’ll just do it easy and simple. One shot between her eyes.”

What happened? Rey was just walking to her apartment after a bad day of work, then someone-

Rey jumps, her eyes opening and her breath knocked out of her and everything's starts to fall back together. The white covered corpse, the red-haired man, the stalking black SUV, Poe and then-

“Ah, sleeping beauty is finally awake.” Rey looks up, body starting to shake when she realizes where she is. It’s a room with white walls and black tables like a half moon around her who was sitting on a chair, hands locked together behind her in a suffocating grip just like around her calves. Everything is so spacy and far away. Professional. Clean. Black and white. Everything. The only thing that isn’t is the red throne-looking chair that she faces many feet away and an old, nasty looking man with skin hanging around his face sits on it like he owns the place. With a black cap around his body that reminded Rey of the red riding hood's one. The leader. He must be the leader. 

It smells like blood. Man. Death. She can’t see how many they are in the room, how many there is who’s sitting by the table behind her and it scares her more than the dark, glowing eyes smirking at her from the throne. 

Rey should panic. She really should just cry and scream and ask for forgiveness, but the drug isn’t totally out of her system, so she just tries to stay focused for at least five seconds before eyes start to get heavy again. But even then, her body seems to sense the distress and she sobs after air uncontrollably. 

“I agree with General Hux.”, the old, snake looking man states, the people around Rey shutting up. Showing respect to their leader. He waves his hand bored. “Do what has to be done.” 

“Actually…” Rey recognizes that voice and soon she sees him walk around her with small, confident steps. It was that red-haired man.  _ General Hux _ , right? He gave their leader a smirk, the evil one that Rey remembers, hands behind his back in an attempt to look professional and sure before he stops. He doesn’t even give Rey a glare.  “I think it’s only fair that Ren will handle this problem. He was the one who caused the problem in the first place, Master Snoke. His... anger issues aren't the first time resulting in an unnecessary amount of attention on us.” 

Rey knows that this Ren man is behind her, sitting with the rest of the people as Snoke looks over Rey to meet his eyes and Hux doing the same with a satisfied smirk. She can hear the others turn dead quiet and Rey thinks about water. She needs water. 

“General Hux is right.”, Snoke states annoyed and Rey can almost hear that Ren dude clench his fist in anger. “Your own weakness of not being able to handle your anger has cost us many of our men, Kylo Ren. This will _not_ be tolerated. Not if you’re the one who’ll take my place as leader of the First Order.” Snoke braids his fingers between his own and leans back against the throne, sighing annoyed. “Take care of _your_ _mess_ , Ren.”

Before Rey knows it, she hears footsteps behind her and then someone snatches a bag over her head again, making her whimper loudly.

 

 

“Fucking Hux.”, Rey hears someone mutter, her eyes opening slowly. Did she fall asleep again? Or was she really asleep? 

No, she was drugged. She was sitting in that room. Something about a bullet between her eyes. 

They were going to kill her. 

This time, there is not an ounce of the drug in Rey’s system, so when she opens her eyes and remembers everything,  _ everything,  _ she starts to really fucking panic. 

Her hands were still locked around her back together with her calves and she was jumping together with the bumpy road, immediately knowing that she was laying in the backseat of a car. But what bothered her most was the brown linen bag covering her face and she immediately starts to whimper, sitting up fast and shaking her head in an attempt to make it glide of her face. Tears ran down her cheeks in frustration when it finally fell off. 

Just like she expected, she was half-sitting, half-sliding of the back seat in a car. She looks around her fast and desperate, out the window were the landscape of tired and foggy mountains covered her view and Rey tries to remember where the hell there were mountains around the big town city she lives in.

Rey sobs, looking at the driver who she immediately remembers. It’s that man. That man who saw her through the window. She recognized him from his wavy black hair and pale skin. Now she could see him closer from the driving mirror. Kylo Ren.

He had a big nose, bigger plump lips, serious dark eyes that made her shiver in fear. Beauty marks and scars all across his face that made him scarier than he already was. Yet, there was something handsome about him. Something breathtaking and hot. 

In a different universe, Rey might have asked for his number if he came by Jakku Cafe and bought some coffee. He looks old though. Maybe too old for her. He must be 30, at least. That’s way too old. But in her fantasy, it might work.

But right now, she was in reality. Were this man had killed someone else and now planned to kill her. 

“W-where are you taking me?”, Rey says with a raspy voice, unsteady yet strong. She misses water so much. 

“The first thing I’ll do as a leader is too fucking kill him.”, the man whispers, not even noticing Rey in the back seat awake. Deep in his anger and gone in the sound over the car’s engine working. 

“Where are you taking me?!” The man looks up and meets her eyes in the driving mirror, an eyebrow raised in surprise that she has woken up and managed to take off the bag covering her face. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. You’ll be sleeping soon enough again.” 

The car suddenly stops and Rey flies into the seats in front of her, grunting loudly at the hit. Before she can think, a hard grip around her arm drags Rey out and she feels the adrenaline kick in, a voice telling her to run, save herself. Her heart starts racing too fast, sweat run down her back even if it’s freezing cold and eyes turn wide when she sees her surrounding. 

Forrest. Everything around her is just plain forest. Not a single human being alive around them for miles. 

No one would hear Rey scream for her life. No one would hear the shot firing. 

“No.”, Rey whispers, her windpipe turning small and tears running out uncontrollably. “No, no no no no no no.” 

The man pushes her onto her knees with force, making her cry in fear and when Rey looks up with frightened eyes, she sees the man hold his gun right in front of her face. Unapologetic and almost a bit bored with a face hard as stone. The cold metal pressing right into her forehead.

It doesn’t take a second before Rey starts to scream. 

“No, please!”, she wails, her whole body shaking for air, loud sobs scaring every animal in the forest. “No, let me live, I swear I won’t say anything I didn’t say anything please don’t kill me!” The man doesn’t say anything so Rey continues her panic attack, tears running down her cheeks as she clenches her eyes hard. Trying to wake up from this nightmare. “I promise I didn’t say anything I didn’t God please let me live I’ll give you anything, anything as long as you don’t kill me!” 

She didn’t deserve this. She just looked out the window and now she was getting murdered. Why did the universe hate her so much? Why couldn’t she just live a normal life? Why couldn’t she just have the happiness she deserved? 

It wasn’t fair. Her life just started to get better, and the universe snatched that away from her. She was doomed from the start. The moment she was born to now, from being the orphan to the victim. It wasn’t fair. 

It wasn’t  _ fucking  _ fair! 

It’s still quiet, the only thing that was heard was the howling winds running through the trees and Reys heavy screams. Her neck hanging as the tears land right down into the frozen soil. It was probably freezing outside, but Rey doesn’t feel anything. Not a single thing. 

“You’ll give me anything?” Rey stops, opening her eyes wide as she slowly looks up at the man. Kylo Ren. Giving her the most fearing smirk she’s ever seen. She thought that Hux had the first prize, but nothing compared to this one. It was frightening, whispered of misery and something else. Something she sees in the men she walks past by the streets that makes her toes curl in disgust.

Sexual. 

It doesn’t matter, really. As long as she lived, the survival instincts in her head whispered. As long as she survives. She was a survivor. She can handle anything.

Rey nods, swallowing down the dry saliva in her mouth before nodding again. 

Kylo keeps smirking and just staring at her hungry, for minutes maybe, before he puts the gun back to its case resting on his belt and Rey lets out a shaky exhale she didn’t know she held. Her body giving in tiredly as she breathes heavy, relief setting in her body. 

She can feel his dangerous smile burn into the back of her head, but right now, Rey doesn’t care. To relieved to know that she is alive. 

What could be worse than death?

 

 

Rey remembers Kylo pushing her back into the car and covering her face with that bag again. And then there was a long silence following that. She didn’t dare to say anything, only trying to keep herself calm and breathe through that linen bag slowly. 

Everything would be alright. She would survive. She was a survivor. 

The car finally stops, and a sudden hard grip around Rey’s arm drags her out the car roughly that annoys her deeply, but she doesn’t dare to say anything. 

He leads her through a door, and Rey tries to take slow steps so she doesn’t fall. Afraid that she’ll hit something but Kylo doesn’t seem to care, pushing her through the door, making her fall on her knees on the floor with a surprised moan. Then warmth spread around her together with the smell of masculine perfume and pine. It’s an odd, yet satisfying combination that totally over wins the smell of the cold, foggy soil. But it still makes her shiver when she hears the door getting locked behind them. Kylo snatches the bag over her head violently. 

She’s in a house. Not an apartment. It’s way too big for that. She was sitting on her knees in a big hallway that she saw lead to the living room. All items of furniture were black, together with the walls and it all reminded her of some pictures she sees in catalogs. Just so clean, perfect and impersonal. Like Kylo Ren was himself, based on the way he dresses.

“You live here?”, Rey asks. It’s way too clean, way untouched. A small layer of dust was resting all around her. She suddenly misses her own apartment. It had old, unmatching pieces of furniture, scratched the floor, and ugly wallpapers. Pictures of her and Finn all around the place that made it much cozier and… her own. The familiar pain behind her eyelids starts again. She misses Finn so much. His mother. Even Paige from work. 

Have they found out that she’s gone yet?

“Yes.” The answer is cold and hard and Rey would glare at him if it wasn’t for her situation. “Walk.” He grabs her arm again and leads her, making Rey whimper in pain. She hadn't noticed before, but he was big. Tall. Enormous. His hand was big too, almost closing around her upper arm and it makes Rey more nervous than before. 

“Where are you taking me?”

“You are asking  _ way _ too many questions.”, her growls in her ear. Rey shuts up. 

He takes her further in the house, to the kitchen that screamed ‘newly renovated’ with screen stove and black glazed tiles, and forces her to sit on the chair by the kitchen island. Rey would admire the marble if it wasn’t for her situation. She swallows when he leans over the island with both her hands resting on the edge. Smiling again. Like a game.

_ You’re a survivor Rey,  _ she pursued herself _. You escaped death. You can escape this too.  _

Whatever this is.

“You’re a pretty thing.”, Kylo hums with a smirk, eyes her from head to toe, and Rey's body tense, stomach rioting that makes her feel sick and just disgusting. That same feeling when your at the bar, enjoying life, and then a hand is suddenly kneading your ass. Violating you. 

He hasn’t even done anything and Rey already feels violated. Probably because she knows what this will lead to. Her brain just can’t seem to understand. 

Rey swallows, eyes wide and jaw tense. 

“I would be an idiot if I ignored your promise.” He leans his head, analyzing her. Like an animal before catching its prey. “Wouldn’t I?”

“If you fucking touch me, I’ll rip your head off.”, Rey whispers between clenched teeth, feeling anger spread through her body like fire. She was scared. Scared  _ shitless _ but she wouldn’t let him play his wicked games with her. Even with restrained arms and legs, she needed to make sure that he knew who she was. 

Someone who wouldn’t go down without a fight. 

“And fierce too.”, he chuckles, walking past the island and standing right in front of her like a sneaky lion. Rey keeps her head high, tears threatening to escape and hands behind her back shaking violently. He gives her a big, wicked smile while placing two fingers under her chin, pressing her head up to meet his. They stare at each other for a few seconds, anger meeting amusement. “I bet you’ll be screaming for my cock when I’m done taming you.” 

Rey leans back for a second before spitting right into his face. 

It turns quiet. 

He opens his eyes, slowly wiping her saliva off his face while Rey stares at him hard. Eyes cold and anger burning in her. Yet there was something in her to told her to stay humble, to beg for forgiveness. To stop acting tuff, because she wasn’t. She  _ fucking  _ wasn’t. 

It’s probably her survival instinct. 

Rey expects a slap across her face, but instead, he gives her the same smirk he always wore. 

It scares her more than that slap would. 

“I love challenges.”, he whispers, licking his lips that make Rey freeze in fear. 

Then he takes, once again, a hard grip around her arm and snatches her across the house in a blur, Rey whimpering as she stumbles over and over again until he opens up a door, throwing her inside. Rey screams when she falls down the stairs, only a few steps but it’s enough, her behind taking the fall at last. She groans loudly, immediately noticing that she’s in a basement by the damp, cold air. Empty. 

“A week will be enough to break that mind of yours, my little  _ Rey _ of sunshine.”, Kylo sings from the door before closing it hard behind himself. Leaving Rey in the dark, black room. 

Rey rolls herself to a corner, waiting. Her breath is heavy in panic. And then she can’t be though anymore and she starts to cry quietly. 

She wants to go home.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, it's late and I haven't read this through lmaoo sorry enjoy my wack writing lol
> 
> Guys, I'm fucking crying like you are all so nice in the comments like UGHH Thank you!! <333
> 
>  
> 
> So this is where the E rate begins so plz PLZ 
> 
> READ THE TAGS DONT COME AT ME I WARNED YOU

There aren’t any windows in the basement. Not a glimpse of the outside world. Only cold, damp darkness that makes Rey already feel crazy. She can’t tell if it’s day or night or how long she’s been awake. Maybe hours. Maybe days. 

Darkness never scared her, but right now, movements caused by the few hairs who escaped her old, three-parted bun that she always wore, makes her cry in fear. Afraid that something is hiding in the room with her. She’s really scared and she can’t stop crying. She misses Finn. Why hasn’t anyone tried to find her?

Her stomach is screaming for food, her mouth is thirsting for water and sometimes her brain starts going into dark places. Had Kylo forgotten about her? When would he come back? 

Then Rey hit her head into the wall and shoot those thoughts away. She won’t let him sound like a savior. Not in her head. That’s what he wants. 

She shouldn’t have spit on him. Or told him that she’d rip his head off. No, she had to keep her strength hidden, because that’s the first thing he wants to be destroyed. He told so himself. Break her mind. Her spirit. And her spirit was her strength.

So she has to pretend, right? Pretend that she was broken and weak just like he wanted her and keep her mouth shut until he trusted her to obey. Then she would choke him to death and get the fuck out of here. 

That was the plan. 

The door suddenly opened, and Rey looks up with panic as Kylo’s slowly walked towards her, taking small steps down the stair. Rey was almost afraid that he’d heard her thoughts. The door let in enough light to make Rey peep her eyes, used to the dark, trying to read his facial expression from the floor when he finally stood in front of her. 

He presses something hard and cold against her lips. 

“Drink.” Rey does, and she does it fast. It’s water, pure and beautiful water that has never tasted this good in her whole life, groaning into the glass frustrated when it’s dripping down her chin. Every drop mattered, she needed everything to satisfy her thirst. 

She breathes loudly when it’s empty, leaning against the wall with closed eyes satisfied. 

Rey really needed that. 

A bowl is put down beside her and the smell of oatmeal fills her lungs. Oatmeal has never been a favorite of hers but right now, nothing has ever smelled this good. 

Kylo leans down next to her, and the sound of a sharp knife blade made Rey shiver before he took a hard grip around her hands and cut the cable ties around her wrist. 

“Eat.” Rey does, lifting the bowl and eating with the spoon, moaning in satisfaction when the taste of roasted oats and sweet honey fills her mouth. While Kylo cuts the tie around her calves too, Rey is half finished with the bowl, not even noticing his actions. It’s not until she is finished with the food that she realizes that she’s actually free. Her wrist red and sore and aching of cramps, she looks up at Kylo after she’s put down the bowl with careful, analyzing eyes. 

He only gives her a grin like a hyena. Reminding Rey of her plan. 

Play broken. 

“Come with me.” Rey does, hating his demanding, always-telling-her-what-to-do voice that she wants to kill, as she stands up with wobbling feet. Her legs were free to use, she could run if she wanted to. But a voice tells her not to be stupid. He must know she can’t escape, otherwise, he wouldn’t have released her.  

Kylo is testing her and Rey won’t be stupid to fall for it. 

He walks and Rey follows, out the basement and further into the house. Glancing at the window, foggy woods seems to surround them. It’s dark. Maybe it’s night, how long has she been staying in that basement? But the trees bother her. She could be in the middle of the woods if all she knows. How would she be able to escape with that? She needs a car-

“Walk!”, Kylo barks, making Rey twitch in fear as she keeps following him with a bent neck. They walk up the black marble stairs that shines with light and finally to the left. A bathroom. Just like the rest of the house, it’s beautiful. Unpersonal, untouched. 

It’s something with this whole thing that makes Rey heart race more than it already does. She feels sweat drip down her armpits as swallows the dry saliva in her mouth, glancing at Kylo over her shoulder who’s locking the door behind them. 

“What are you going to do with me?”, Rey asks, her voice raspy and shaken, pressing her body against the sink while her eyes keep following Kylo’s every move. 

“You keep asking way too many questions.” He goes towards the tub and starts the water flow. He’s really making her a bath. 

Rey keeps following him with her eyes, standing with both her hands on her thighs afraid that he’ll do something to her. It was the only thing he seemed to do. Besides, his words from yesterday (or was it yesterday..?) still echoed in her head. 

_ ‘A week will be enough to break that mind of yours, my little  _ Rey _ of sunshine.’ _

“I’m sorry.”, Rey whispers, forcing the words out of her mouth. It tasted disgusting to just say it but she has to. She has to survive. “For spitting on you.” 

He suddenly stands behind her, ignoring her completely while gripping her wrists to lock them behind her back again. With the same fucking cable ties that caused red, irritated rings around her wrists. Rey doesn’t even resist when he tightens them violently.

Her breath hitches when she feels fear and frustration grow in her. This was the only freedom she had for the last few days, but now she was powerless. Again. 

Tears start to prick behind her eyes. She thought that hiding in the basement would be enough to be weak before facing this monster again and acting strong. But it wasn’t. Would it ever be? 

“You want forgiveness?”, he asks with sarcasm in his voice. Raspy, deep. 

Still standing behind Rey, he pushes his foot behind her calf hard. Rey shrieks afraid, bending her legs in an attempt to escape his touch and Kylo takes the chance to push her down to her knees, making Rey shriek once again. She almost falls on her face with both her arms in a tight grip behind her back. The tiles under her feel cold through her black leggings and the ties around her wrist feel tighter than before. It might bleed, the skin feels broken. 

Rey looks up, just like she did in the forest, and sees the same thing in Kylo’s eyes, who stands right in front of her. 

That sexual predatory look. 

It shouldn’t surprise her, really. Rey knew what he wanted. The moment he looked at her with the gun pressed against her forehead, even when sitting in the basement crying for her miserable life. It’s just that her brain never seemed to understand. Never seemed to care. Thankful for being alive, ignoring the bigger problem. 

And you don’t really understand until it  _ actually _ happens.

So when Kylo starts to open up his Armani belt with determinant movements, eyes burning with lust, licking his lips hungry, it triggers the part in Rey that always knew, but ignored. 

She starts to panic. 

Her breath hitches, eyes widen and her heart seems to stop and before she knows it-

“No! Please-” 

The sound of flesh hitting flesh, neck crack by the sudden movement and her shocked scream reached her ears before the pain actually did. A throbbing cheek making Rey clench her eyes and open her mouth in pain, feeling the taste of blood on her tongue. 

It’s quiet for only one second, except for Rey’s shaky, crying exhales, before Kylo takes a hard grip of her hair, pushing her head up to face him from above. Rey screams, tears running down her cheeks as Kylo’s eyes burn in anger, jaw clenched tight and mouth in a thin line. 

“You wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for me you ungrateful  _ bitch _ !” His grip tightens by his last word and Rey cries loudly. “It was you who promised me everything I asked, you fucking slut. You better fucking thank me for being able to breathe. For being alive.” Rey keeps crying, crying in pain, in shock and in the realization of what’s happening to her. 

“ _ Thank me! _ ” He shouts so loudly that Rey jumps and cries as loud as him. She’s never heard someone being so angry. Not even Unkar. 

“T-thank you…”, she wails through sobs, clenching her eyes hard. Trying to wake up from this nightmare. 

He releases the grip around her hair and Rey lets her neck hang, eyes still closed as she tries to calm down her. Tries to take deep inhales. It’s hard when the sound of metal is right over her head. 

Rey’s just scared. Nothing else, and it’s okay to be afraid. But it’s not okay to break. She won’t allow herself to let Kylo win. 

Rey suddenly remembers. Just a brief moment when she sat in front of that creepy leader who talked to Hux. And how the red-haired man mentioned about Kylo’s anger issues. It has cost peoples life. And it would maybe cause hers too. If she wasn’t careful enough. 

Even if Rey likes it or not, she has to play by his games. Stick to the plan. Play broken, go with the flow and then fucking kill him when she had the chance. 

_ You’re a survivor,  _ Rey thinks, swallowing a sob before Kylo grips her hair once again, making her eyes leveled to his cock. 

Rey can’t open her eyes. She can’t and she takes a deep breath before she feels a soft, yet hard skin run against her lips. And it’s enough for Rey to realize. 

She can’t do this. 

“No!”, Rey wails, snatching her head to the side in panic but Kylo’s grip around her hair tightens and before Rey knows it, he pushes himself through her lips and thrust into her mouth.

Kylo lets out a loud groan, Rey lets out a surprised cry together with a gagging noise. In pure shock, all Rey can do is freeze. Eyes wide open and tears running down her cheeks. Suddenly he starts to thrust, making her gag when he hits the back of her throat and nausea is filling her from head to toe. The taste of salt, it disgusts her more than choking on him. Knowing his taste. She can’t swallow it, she just can’t, so she lets the saliva run down her cheek. Falling on her leggings and running down her throat. 

“Yes.”, he groans, one hand gripping the sink behind him and the other tight in her head, leading the tempo. “Fuck yes.” 

At that, Rey gags once again, trying to breathe through her nose. Tears and saliva a mess on her face. Kylo doesn’t seem to mind. 

_ You can do this,  _ Rey thinks once again, clenching her eyes when her nose brushes his pubic hair, trying to relax her throat. Her eyes are burning, lungs too by the lack of air and her jaw is aching. Too wide open.  _ You can do this _ .

Maybe seconds go by, maybe minutes, but his thrust turns sloppier, breath heavier. He’s close. Rey has never done stuff like this, never, but she knows what happens. Know how it ends thanks to sex education, so she fights to lean away. 

He doesn’t even budge, only gripping her hair harder and knowing that he’ll finish inside her makes Rey only cry louder, trying to pull away even more. 

Before she knows it, Kylo stills with a loud groan and Rey’s eyes widen when she feels liquid stream down her throat forcingly, making her gag for the last time as he slips out of her fast. He grips her jaw hard, forcing it to shut, clenching her nose in the process. 

“Swallow it.”, he growls through clenched teeth in either excitement or anger. Maybe both. Already halfway down her throat, Rey has no choice. She clenches her eyes hard, letting out a whimper before swallowing. 

Then he lets her go roughly and she lets her head hang again neck aching. Rey’s eyes are wide, mouth open in shock and she breathes heavy. Trying to understand what just happened. 

She was raped. She feels numb. 

The sound of a zipper pulling up makes Rey lift her glassy gaze, meeting Kylo’s dead eyes that buzzed with satisfaction. 

“Are you all ready broken, my little sunshine? And here I thought one week would be enough... Guess that was too much.” That’s enough to wake Rey up. 

“I’ll still rip your fucking head off.”, Rey spits, eyes burning in anger while tears still rann from them. Kylo hums entertained, fixing his belt with a small smile. 

“We’ll see about that.”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, it's late-   
> lmaoo u know the drill
> 
>  
> 
> READ THE TAGS HERE COMES THE E TRAIN

The taste of him was still on her tongue when she’s sitting in the bath, a half hour later. Rey glance at Kylo sitting behind her smiling. A wicked smirk that whispered of all the things he’ll do to her. Right now, Rey thinks that sucking his cock might be the most terrible thing. 

It will be worse. That answer was already told in Kylo’s brown eyes. 

“You’re a mess, my little sunshine!”, Kylo singed after she was done crying on the floor. Both her arms still behind her back and cum mixed with saliva dripping down her chin. “Good thing I drew you a bath.” Rey doesn’t even look up from the floor. 

“I’ll take a bath if you leave.” 

The sudden sound of a scissor made Rey cry in fear, lifting her head to see Kylo playing with one in his hands. Smiling deeply while licking his lips.

“I’m the one who decides what happens to you, sunshine.” Before she could think, he started to cut her clothes while she cried, begging him to stop as he gripped them violently and cut carelessly, not afraid of cutting her too. 

And now, she was sitting in the bath. Just staring at the water floating around her while trying to ignore Kylo’s burning grin on her back. He had cut her white work shirt and black legging but thankfully kept her underwear. Grandma black panties and an old bra Rey though was really comfortable. Nothing else. Soaking in the water with her. 

Rey tries to understand why he didn't cut them too. Was he trying to make himself look nice? Merciful? So that Rey would be thankful like she actually was…? 

She clenches her eyes hard, shaking her head.  _ Wake up Rey, don’t fall for his shit. _

“How old are you?” His voice makes Rey jump in surprise, and her breath hitch when she feels him caress her hair gently, the three buns she once wore now looking like a mess, yet still balancing on her head. Running his hand through the brown slings carefully. Not like any other time before, when he snatched her hair like a madman. 

He was. Kylo Ren was a complete psychopath.

Rey feels his hand slowly fall to her neck, almost measuring if one hand is enough to end her.

“Nineteen.” He hums surprised. 

“You’re young.”

“Sorry.”, Rey mumbles sarcastically. Kylo chuckle, making small circles in her  vertebrae visible through the skin. 

“It’s alright. I like ‘em young. Inexperienced.” The water isn't cold yet, but Rey shivers anyways, swallowing a scream. Doesn’t dare to look at anything but the small waves caused by her movements. “Aren’t you Rey? Inexperienced?”

It shouldn’t embarrass her as much as it should, yet Rey feels the blood flow into her face. Should she answer or just tell him to fuck off? 

No, she can’t. She needs to stop, she promised herself to stop! Her mouth was the one who got her in this danger. If she just hadn’t spit on him or told him to leave when she’d take a bath, she wouldn’t have sucked his cock or got her clothes cut apart. Now she was damaged and half naked. He seems to make a point out of it too. 

Talkback, and there would be punishment. 

That’s why she nods, slowly. Afraid he’ll get angry for, who knows, shaking her head too fast.

“Hm. I noticed. The way you were gagging. Cute.” It only makes Rey blush more, clenching her eyes hard while taking a quiet inhale. 

Rey never had a boyfriend. She had talked to boys during school years, but it always ended with Finn breaking the bad news about them being fuckboys. Rey was never sad about it, just shrugged her shoulder and moved on. Then she started to work at Jakku Cafe and the idea of having a partner never came to her. Besides, she noticed how couples would buy expensive shit to each other on ‘one-week anniversaries’. Rey was  _ not _ having that. 

“Having a partner is like healthcare in America.”, Finn once said while writing his homework in a hurry, the teacher collecting them through the class. “Fucking expensive.”

And Rey rather focused on her apartment than buying a Gucci bag. The only thing she was in love with was the idea of a home. Her own home.

She wants to go home. 

Rey suddenly whimpers, her body starting to shake when she feels his nose run down her neck, feeling his lips smiling against her skin. 

“I’ll take your little virginity, my sunshine. Don’t you worry about that.” It starts to burn behind her eyelids and a sob escape her mouth but she won’t cry in front of him. Won’t let him win. “I’ll be working.”, he suddenly says, fingers playing with the bra strap she wore. His voice turned deep, serious. Just weird how his mood changed. But it makes Rey alert, held her sobs in. Afraid to be anything else than quiet. 

“When I’m away, you’ll be waking up at 8 AM. Make me breakfast. When I’m gone you’ll clean the house and at 6 PM when I’m back, there will be food on the table.” 

It turns quiet. Rey keeps looking at the water, eyes wide in shock. Trying to understand what she just heard. Kylo doesn’t say anything either, maybe giving her a chance to process his words. Because what the  _ fuck _ ?! What is she hearing? He wants her to wake up and take  _ care _ of him? Create his own patriarchy?

Rey wished her hands were free. She wished they were so she could stand up and escape. Even if she’d get lost in the woods or freeze in the October cold, she rather tries then listening to this bullshit-

Rey cries loudly when he grabs her breast over the bra, throwing her neck back and clenching her eyes hard as Kylo breathe loudly into her ear, chin resting on her shoulder. 

“And every night, every  _ fucking _ night, you’ll get on all your four and wait for me on the bed. Wearing what I chose for you. Do you hear me,  _ sunshine _ ?” 

Rey couldn’t do this, she can’t handle this. She thought she was strong because she survived the foster system but she isn’t strong enough for this.

All plans of obeying and being quiet are gone the moment Kylo opened his mouth. 

Rey sobs, feeling a panic attack hit her as tears run down her cheeks. 

She wants to go home. She wants to be with Finn and eat at their local McDonalds and talk about work while dipping their nuggets in the dip. She wants to drink wine on the floor with him and listen to his complains about how no one, not a single man or woman, is attractive enough for him while she rolls her eyes. 

She wants to be with her best friends. She wants to be free. 

She wants- She  _ wants- _

“You’re fucking  _ insane _ !”, Rey screams, every world echoing back to her in the bathroom while she keeps wailing, tears streaming down her face. She tries to stand, to break free from the ties around her wrist as she trashes in the bath, water running down the edge. 

She wants to go home, she wants to leave, she can’t stay here anymore.  “You’re fucking sick, you fucking psychopath let me go I hate you I hate you-you raped me you’re sick you fucking bastard-”

It suddenly turns quiet, dark and wet and it takes a few seconds to realize that Rey’s head is pressed into the water.

Rey panics, eyes stinging when she opens them and lungs burning, yearning for air. She tries to press her head up, but someone, Kylo, is keeping her down. And Rey starts to trash, panic filling her body when she starts to breathe in painful water and she screams into the void, trying to break free from her locked wrists. Knowing that her cries only comes out as bubbles from above makes her scream even louder, trash even more and-

The grip in her hair forced her up and Rey takes a deep inhale of breath when her face breaks the surface, coughing up water as she sobs. Then he snatches her head backward, Rey letting out a cry by the pain as Kylo breathe heavy into her ear. 

“Didn’t I tell you to be thankful, you  _ fucking  _ cunt!”, he screams, and Rey can only pray that this wouldn’t be the moment she’d die. He’s not angry. He’s  _ furious _ . And once again she blames her stupid mouth and curses herself for having a panic attack. 

Rey cries, cries for her life when he pushes her into the water again. 

This time, it’s longer and Rey truly thinks it’s time to leave this miserable life she has when she slowly lose consciousness. She can’t trash much longer, eyes turning heavy. 

Then he lifts her up again and Rey almost screams for air. Funny how she’s willing to die under the water, but still yearns for life when she breathes again. 

“Just you wait till I’m done fucking you up.”, he whispers into her ear while she vomits up water. “I’ll rape you over and  _ over _ again until you’ll scream for my cock. Until you’ll  _ die _ without it.” And once again he presses her down again and Rey doesn’t even fight anymore when water slowly pours down her throat. Then she’s up again, breathing while he keeps screaming. Is he still screaming?

“Thank me, you whore!” Rey’s head is suddenly heavy, just like her eyelids and she can’t keep holding them up. “ _ Thank me! _ ”

“Thank… you-”, Rey rasp out and once again, she feels water surround her head. 

She loses consciousness. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg guys I'm so sorry, soo late with this update
> 
> As a sorry, you'll get an extra long chapter yeey

Rey hears a clock. She’s surprised she isn’t dead. 

The ringing is annoying. Screaming into her ear that’s probably filled with water and all Rey can do is cry. She feels sick, her body dull and slow.  _ Turn it off. _

She opens her eyes, they’re heavy. Her neck aches, her whole body aches, and her mouth is dry as sand. Swallowing the little saliva Rey has in her mouth doesn’t help, only making it worse. The taste of iron leaving behind on her tongue. 

With soft movements, she lets her hand glide across the bed she was laying in. The feeling of soft linen surprising her. It feels expensive. 

Rey slowly turns her head towards a bed table and there she sees the culprit. A red clock screaming for attention and with a heavy arm, Rey press a random button that keeps it quiet. 

And there is silence. All Rey sees is the screen screaming that it’s 8 AM. 

Before she knows it, she collapses in the soft bed and falls into a deep sleep filled with nightmares.

 

 

Rey opens her eyes and she sees the devil. 

He has black soft hair that makes her yearn to touch it, brown deep eyes that whisper of danger and a smile on his full, plump lips that told her enough to know that he was entertained.

Enjoying Rey for a reason that makes her panic. 

Her breath hitches and she immediately sits up, eyes wide and heart once again on full speed as she collects as much blanket she can to cover herself. With that, she notices that she’s wearing something. Blue and silken nightgown with no underwear on. She looks at Kylo in fear, shaking when she hears him chuckle. 

“W-what did you do to me?” 

“Nothing, sunshine. Just changed your clothes.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and Rey only presses herself further into the black wooden headboard, trying to calm herself down, feeling a panic attack hit her. 

He saw her naked, he took off her clothes when she was unconscious. 

He glances at her with a grin. “I didn’t touch you. Don’t like knocked out women. Not into that shit.” Rey almost wants to thank him with  _ a lot  _ of sarcasm before biting her tongue.

A part of Rey has changed, she could already tell. The idea of talking back to Kylo made her headache, the thought triggered her survival instinct to protest against such an absurd idea. Kylo has now linked with death and punishment and just lungs filled with water and it scared the shit out of her.

So she stays quiet and is forced to trust Kylo’s words. He didn’t touch her. 

Rey takes in her surroundings. A bedroom, everything’s black. Black wardrobe and black walls. Untouched and impersonal and beautiful. Just like every other room.

But it bothers Rey that she’s in this bed, enjoying the soft blankets and fluffy pillow so much. It should bother her that her arms and legs are free to use, yet she lays in this bed instead of running. 

And it should bother her that Kylo looks really... strong in his black brand shirt, hugging his muscular biceps. 

“You didn’t wake up.” Rey lifts her eyes to his face, afraid that he’d notice her staring but he keeps smiling. 

“What…?”

“Wake up. You were supposed to wake up.” It suddenly comes back to her. His  _ stupid fucking _ plan that sounded like a schedule for a maid and prostitute mixed together. Waking up, make him breakfast, clean the house, serve him food and spread her legs at the end of the day. Unbelievable. 

Yet, Rey starts to dread because he would punish her now, right? She remembers briefly of waking up and seeing the alarm scream at her to wake up at 8 AM and she just clicked it away. He would definitely push her head down into the water and she doesn’t think she can handle more water in her system. 

“Relax, sunshine. Relax.”, Kylo hums, noticing her pale face. He places his arms behind him and leans back carefree. “I’ll let this go. Just this time. I was really hard on you yesterday.” He gives her the most wicked smile. “You know how I get when I turn angry.” 

_ Oh, she knows. _ He loses himself and blacks out. Completely gone in anger. She saw that in his eyes and she think that those eyes would certainly be the last thing she’ll see before she dies. 

Rey says what she knows he wants to hear. 

“Thank you, Kylo.”, she whispers, truly feeling disgusted. He doesn’t deserve her thanks. He doesn’t deserve  _ anything _ , not after what he did to her yesterday. 

“You’re such a good girl already.” He suddenly leans over her, and Rey swallows her scream when he kisses her head. An action she’s never experienced. Something a father does when he’s proud. It really makes Rey want to cry in anger. 

Then he leaves, closing the door behind him and Rey is all alone again. She glances down at her clothes, feeling the silk between her thumb and middle finger, admiring the little white bow just by the cleavage. It looks new. Expensive. 

Rey glance at the bed table and sees water and food. Strawberries, mango, sandwich, and chocolate. She digs in. 

While chewing on the juicy fruits, Rey glances down at her wrist and immediately cringe when she sees the sore, red marks. It didn’t hurt as much as it looked, but when putting pressure, it did. They would definitely become marks. For the rest of her life. 

The thought of it makes Rey's eyes sting. Even when she’d escape, she would always look down at her wrist and remind herself of her time here. Being Kylo Ren’s... sex slave. 

That’s why she needs to leave. That’s why she needs to obey like a fucking dog and just gain his trust. He’s already happy with her, even feeling a bit of pity for almost drowning her. If she continued like this, she could escape. Look around the place, know the layout of the house, find some car keys and fucking go. Rey has never driven a car before, but she doesn’t care because she  _ has to leave! _

Rey starts to sob, tears running down her cheeks and she puts back her food on the bed table. Rey could clean. She could make breakfast. That was basically her job, she could make delicious sandwiches with blindfolds on. And she could definitely keep a poker face and lie through her words. She has done that many times with angry elder customers.

But she can’t sleep with him. 

She can’t get on her all fours and let him fuck her. She can’t let this monster take her ‘little virginity’ like he told her and she can’t keep her poker face on while being raped. She just can’t. 

But she has too. 

That’s why Rey can’t stop crying, covering her mouth to avoid attention. Tears streaming down her cheeks and screams wanting to escape. She just has to go through it and she has to pretend that it’s okay. 

Rey throws herself into the bed and she keeps wailing into the pillows. 

Why hasn’t anyone tried to find her yet? 

 

 

The next morning, when the alarm screams again, Rey sits up immediately and turn it off in a hurry. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she glances at the window and it’s still dark outside. She had no problem waking up early. That was part of her job. But the last time she was aware of time, it was at the end of October. Has November already started? 

She hurried herself to the bathroom, washing her face with cold water. Hands shaking while doing so. Brushing her teeth with a new, unopened one and doing her business. Her stomach starts to scream in nervosity and it keeps making flips that threatens Rey to vomit out the food she ate last night, but she keeps fixing her hair in three buns and swallows her shaky exhales. A blue bruise has bloomed on her cheek, where Kylo had slapped her yesterday. 

She was so fucking scared, but she would do this.  _ She could do this. _

Rey looks herself in the mirror and cringe, still wearing her blue silken nightgown that came mid-thigh. It looks innocent,  _ too innocent _ . Like the innocent of it was the part that made it sexual. 

She couldn’t possibly clean the house in this. Carefully, she walks to the black wooden wardrobe and opens it. In there, just hanging there with nothing else around, she sees one lonely black dress in there. Black and white. Maid style. 

The sight of it makes Rey want to scream in anger. He was fucking with her. He was and Rey wanted to kill him. It wasn’t revealing anywhere, though. It was long, had sleeves and covered her chest but just the thought of him seeing this and picking it out for her makes Rey furious. 

But swallowing her anger, she puts the stupid shit on and avoids looking herself in the mirror after that. 

With careful steps, she opens the door and closes it behind her. She walks by the long corridor and sees the stair, leaving a glance at the bathroom where she… 

Whatever.

She walks down the stairs and immediately sees the kitchen. It takes several minutes before she actually finds the fridge, melting with the rest of the black in the background. It’s filled with food. Everything from vegetables to meat and several breakfast inspirations flows into her head of what to make. 

She decides that bacon with egg is what that fuckface will eat today. 

While cooking, she only does for one portion and there are no knives in sight. She has to cut open the package with her teeth and it takes minutes before finding what she needs. It’s frustrating and annoying but Rey is more annoyed by her maid outfit than anything. 

Halfway into frying the eggs, she hears movement over the hissing of oil and she turns around to see Kylo. 

He’s wearing, of course, black. Shirt and beautiful straightened trousers with shoes Rey can imagine cost more than her salary for a year. His hair in a low bun and smile in a big grin. Then he starts to chuckle towards her loudly, leaning over the kitchen island. 

Rey feels her cheeks turn red and immediately avoids eye contact as he sits down on the chair. 

“Holy shit, you actually put it on.” Rey bites her lips, full attention on not burning the bacon and telling him to fuck off. 

“There was only this to wear.”, she mutters through clenched teeth. 

Rey keeps working through silence, glancing at Kylo who was now talking on the phone with a low voice. 

That phone looks tempting. It really does. One phone number and the police would be here. One text and Finn would know that she was alright. 

Rey shakes her head and turns off the stove. She couldn’t afford to think like that. Not when he’s around. The thought of yesterday flows back into her head and she shivers when thinking about herself screaming into the water. 

Rey picks the greasy meat and eggs on a plate with a fork and places it in front of him. It’s a bit burnt because everything Rey does gets fucked someway but she won’t say anything. 

It should make her nervous, knowing he’ll eat and judge it. But Rey knew it was good, even if it’s a bit burnt. She is a master on breakfast and she even prepared coffee, hoping that it’ll make up for it. If it was something Rey was good at, it was brewing a good fucking coffee. 

It wasn’t like she wanted to impress him, more like challenge him to think that he couldn’t scare her because she knew that he couldn’t punish her. As long as she did her shit good enough, he had no reason to touch her. 

Rey was too afraid of talking back. She had to talk back with actions instead. 

Kylo doesn’t even acknowledge her standing in front of him with the plate placed on the island, too deep into his conversation. His eyes furrow, mouth in a thin line as he listens to muffled words Rey can’t hear. She wants to scream at him to eat the shit, but she keeps her mouth shut and just glares at him. 

Then he just stands up and leaves. “I’ll be there in 30.” Rey's eyes widen. 

“But-”, Rey starts confused, only getting shut down by his hand he threw over his shoulder that told her to keep quiet. 

“I’ll handle it. How many thousands does he take for one part?” Then the door shuts behind him and the sound of locking it echoed towards Rey. Who stood dumbfounded in the kitchen with her mouth wide open. 

She… She just cooked him breakfast. Woke up 8 AM and brewed him coffee. And he just left. 

“Fucking idiot.”, she whispers to herself, slamming her hand against the table while biting her lips hard. Wanting to scream after him and throw the bacon in his face. But that is something she would never do. Throw food. 

Even at work, if there were left-overs clean enough to save, Rey did. In secret, she placed them in small boxes and took them home. Enjoying half eaten muffins with Finn during school lunch the day after. It was memories like that which stuck in Rey’s brain. Sitting on the schoolyard while the sun kissed their skin and warm winds caressed their hair, laughing when reminding each other of their weird substitute teacher who pronounced names completely wrong during class. 

Rey swallows and closes her eyes. Thoughts like that are dangerous. It takes her to places in her mind that only makes her depressed. 

Rey sits down by the kitchen island, where Kylo sat seconds ago and digs into the food. Right now, she has to escape. She has to gain his trust.

And every day is a step closer to do so.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Rey knows there is no point in trying, but she does.

Kylo would never let her go around free without knowing there was a way to escape, so Rey isn’t surprised when she tries to open the outer door and it’s locked. The windows won’t even budge and every door except for the bathroom and her own bedroom is locked. It’s impossible to go in or out. With the help of technology, only a chip was necessary to open it and even if it's just that, something so simple as a chip, Rey couldn’t even press down the handle. And it seems like all around the house was covered with forest. Trees all around. 

Even sharp objects like knives and razor blades were impossible to find. Maybe non-existent in this household. Rey finds that hard to believe, with Kylo’s… profession. 

It has only gone one hour after Kylo left and Rey has given up. Sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall in the living room with closed eyes. It shouldn’t bother her this much, she shouldn’t even be surprised but the thought of Kylo having her tonight makes her want to puke. 

But she is going to do it and she is going to leave. 

So Rey stands up and goes to the kitchen. Under the sink, she opens a cabin and sees cleaning supplies. Accidentally opening it when searching for a spoon and seeing the happy colored packages, like it’s  _ funny _ and filled with happiness.

Rey folds up her sleeves and gets right into it. 

It’s not funny and filled with happiness at all, but it makes Rey relax. Scrubbing the stove with life and feeling the sweat run down her armpits makes her forget about her current situation and her heart that had been speeding non-stop lately finally got the break it deserved. 

Being scared wasn’t easy. It drained the energy and soul from her and acting tough was even harder. Acting tough was how Rey defended herself during childhood. When drunk foster fathers would scream at her or rich, angry foster mothers would slap her across the face, it was Rey’s determined face and stubbornness that saved her. At first, it was only acting, but slowly Rey realized that she actually  _ was _ tough. It really boosted her ego and she became less scared. Less afraid. Happier. 

Now, Rey wasn’t tough anymore. She couldn’t even act like it. She was taking steps backward, back to being the scared foster kid who later hid in the bathroom and cried in silence. Kylo had taken a part of her, a part of her that she had built up for herself and with two punishment it had crumbled down. He did something alcoholic father and bratty mothers never managed. 

He scared the shit out of her.

Rey throws the sponge she had in her hand on the floor in frustration and screams into her hands, clenching her eyes that threatened to spill and wailing into her palms as it would actually save her. 

Screaming for help when she knew no one could hear her. 

 

 

Rey’s hands are sore and wrinkly when she looks up to the clock and sees that it’s around 5 PM. She wiped the sweat from her head with the help of her sleeve, sitting on the floor with a scrub in her hand and she tries to remember when Kylo said he’d come back. Was it 6 or 7? 

But she doesn’t dare to risk anything so she puts down her scrub and wipe her hands on her white apron, thinking about what she has to make. 

Around this time, Rey used to steal a muffin or so when no one was looking and have that for dinner. Sometimes, even Paige and herself made a whole salad from Jakkus own groceries and they kept giggling like they did the worst crime ever. When it actually was a salad. 

But it was only that. A salad. 

Rey can’t remember the last time she did dinner and felt satisfied with it. Never did she eat homemade food at Unkar’s, only a few times Rey stayed at Finn’s and his mother cooked something. Rey had no knowledge of making food, only buying it. Breakfast and sandwiches. That’s all she knows, thanks to Maz showing her several times the first year she worked. 

So when Rey puts back all the cleaning supplies, she feels her heart start to race. Mouth turning dry and hands shaking. What if she messed something up? What if she did something Kylo didn’t like? Would he… would he punish her for it?

Rey feels dizzy. She hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast and has only been cleaning for hours straight. It felt good to avoid thinking about this. Everything and later. 

Later when she has to…

Rey exhales shaky, clenching her eyes.  _ Stop it, Rey.  _

If she at least had a phone, she’d watch a tutorial. But when Rey opens one of the cabins to take out a skillet, she sees books instead. 

Cookbooks. 

They look more like they’re bought for decoration rather than for use, but Rey almost cries in happiness. It’s heavy and the cover is all white except for the title ‘The basic cookbook’. She hugs it and sighs loudly. Never in her life did she think a cookbook would be good for use. But, never in her life did she think she’d be in this fucked up situation either.

One hour later, the food is ready and it… looks okay. It could have been worse. 

She tried to make  spaghetti bolognese and with not a single wrong. She followed the instructions step by step and never lifted her gaze from it, eyes stuck on the tomato sauce for many minutes. But some ingredients weren’t available but it shouldn’t make such a difference. 

“‘Spanish salt’?”, Rey read out to herself, lifting her eyebrow. What was wrong with casual salt?

When the food is done, Rey eats a small plate of the food fast. She can’t eat much thanks to the heavy stone in her stomach and she definitely can’t eat in front of Kylo. So she eats fast and hurried, standing right beside the sink so she can wash the plate fast and hide all kind of evidence of her being a human being, having to eat. 

After, she sets the table for one, almost dropping the plate because of her shaking hands. When would he want her? Right after dinner, on the bed? Or on the table? 

She needs to calm down. Nothing would change if she cried about it, anyway. Kylo would still have her and if she has to survive, she has to deal with it. 

Rey breathes hitches and her heart almost stops when she hears the front door open. 

“I told him that several times but he wouldn’t listen, so I just pulled the trigger. Cried like a little bitch.”, Kylo laughs loudly, his hand pressing the phone against his ear as he takes off his jacket and throws it on the couch. 

Rey's eyes turn wide. Paige used to listen to music about gangs and murders, but it was only empty words. Rey is sure that Kylo’s isn’t. She has been in that position, after all. 

Like he forgot that she actually was here, Kylo glance at Rey with a raised eyebrow. Eyeing her body and the food ready on the table, forgetting about listening to the other person speak. Rey swallows in nervosity, clenching the fabric of the dress in her hands. 

Kylo gives her a big grin. 

“Let me call you back.” He hangs up and throws his phone on the couch too like it wasn’t worth anything and Rey almost worries about the screen cracking before realizing that Kylo is walking up towards her. 

“My sunshine really has behaved…” Rey looks down at the floor, avoiding eye contact when she feels him standing way too close to her, his hand creeping around her waist. It takes everything in her power not to flinch. “Cooked me food and cleaned. Are you tired, sunshine?”

“No.”, Rey lies, still looking down on the floor, trying not to scream when his hand slowly land on her lower back, way to close to her behind. He hums pleased and Rey clenches her eyes when she feels his nose run down her throat, leaning her head back slowly to give him better access. Rey swallows loudly, her heart is beating and she knows Kylo can feel it. She knows that he likes it. 

“Have you eaten?”, he whispers against her skin, taking a deep inhale that makes Rey shiver violently. 

“Yes.”

“Then go take a shower and wait for me on the bed.” Like jumping straight into cold water, Rey could feel how a wave of ice runs over her, yet it burns in a hellish way that makes Rey stand in her spot, frozen. It takes a second before Rey walks out of the kitchen. Trying to control her shaking body and heavy legs that she has to drag up the stairs. Trying to tell herself that everything would be fine while tears threaten to spill and sobs want to escape. But there is no point in crying. It will happen anyways and that’s the prize she has to pay for getting in this mess.

For looking out the window that cold October night and see something she wasn’t supposed to see. 

 

 

Rey stands in the shower and feels the water run down her scalp and she hates the feeling. It reminds her of what Kylo did to her and it scares and frustrates her that water will now always be something traumatizing for her. Linked to death and punishment. 

Will, that happens to sex too? Will she never want to make love with the person she cherishes after he’s done with her tonight? When she escapes and gets back to her life again, will she always think about Kylo and never want anything to do with sex?

Probably. It’s already like that with water. And the red, sore marks around her wrists. When she sees them, she already felt like she has lost. It already feels like she’s losing her mind.  But she won’t let him win. 

Rey leans her head back and runs her hands over her wet, naked arms. 

_ You’re strong Rey. You can do this.  _

There is no razor, so Rey doesn’t shave her body. She only showers with a shower gel scented with vanilla and nutmeg and washes her dirty hair with products that Rey noticed many times in expensive stores. Rey would have been impressed if she wasn’t in her situation. Being spoiled with expensive nightgown and products is nice. But not when it’s your capturer who’s spoiling you. 

When Rey gets out of the luxury shower, she immediately notices something white and soft hanging by the door that she missed seeing. Without questioning, Rey dries her body fast with a towel, afraid that Kylo gets in when she’s completely naked. Not like it matters anyway. At the end of this day, he’ll see her. One way or another. 

Rey puts it on together with some white, way too small, panties. White, satin. Sleeveless, with two small straps that are hanging on her shoulders. The edge is covered with lace and it comes mid-thigh. And the collar is V-formed. Way too exposed. Her small chest that Rey never found attractive in her grandma bras, suddenly feels too much. Her nipples poking out through the fabric. 

It’s way too sexy and Rey hates it. Hates that it’s white. The color of innocence. Of a virgin. 

Like he wants to see the blood he breaks spilled on it. 

Rey looks herself in the mirror. Disgust and hate in her eyes, that matches the blue bruise on her cheek. Her fists get tighter and she can almost feel her nails breaking the skin as a small tear escape her eye. 

She doesn’t notice that Kylo is standing by the door, leaning against it carefree and wearing a wicked smile while licking his lips. Rey glares at him, her eyes glassy but burning with anger. And they stare at each other. Pure hate and amusement crashing together.

_I’ll kill you_ , Rey thinks, clenching her teeth. 

He smiles. Like he heard her thoughts. That he knows how much she hates him. It doesn’t bother him, because he doesn’t care. 

He has already won.

“Let’s get to bed, sunshine.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so sorry for the late update my life has been crazy this week like damn!!!! 
> 
> DON'T FORGET TO READ THE TAGS LIKE DO IT 
> 
> Please read the notes at the end too THANK YOU <333

“You haven’t been such a good girl after all.” 

Rey’s eyes widen, her heart stops and she freezes on the bed. She’s laying on the blanket on her back, looking up at the roof and tries to ignore the sound of clothing being taken of. Tries to ignore that Kylo will fuck her and shed blood right on this white nightgown. 

“What?”, Rey manages to whisper out, not daring to let her eyes lay on him. Stuck on looking up at the roof. 

The last piece of clothing falls to the ground, landing with a satisfying sound that sends a shiver up her spine and then the edge of the bed right by her hip shifts. 

Rey tries to think about what she has done today. She cleaned, made food. What did she do wrong? Would he punish her? What would he do, she hasn’t done anything. Or has she? 

Suddenly, Rey gasps when she feels his hand land on her thigh and she can’t help but look down at him. 

He’s naked except for his underwear. Black of course. But that doesn’t bother Rey. It’s his body. Toned, pale chest with scars across it like someone painted it on. Rey doesn’t want to know how he got them. He looks like a Greek God, a statue you find in museums with carved features. Fine muscles that are constantly hiding under his black shirts.

Besides that, he’s so fucking big. Rey feels small, too small for him when he leans over her like that. He must be twice her size and it scares her when he looks at her like meat. Like he wants to rip her open and destroy her. Mentally and physically. Licking his lips, his hair in a low bun, eyes on her like candy.

Rey’s chest heaves in panic, his hand still gripping her thigh in a threatening way. It’s now that she notices how her breast is so exposed, the fabric barely covering anything now that she’s laying down. 

Kylo notices it too, looking at them with a dark face expression. Temptation.

He smiles before looking up at Rey, whose face is flushed in embarrassment and fear.

“I have cameras all over the house, sunshine.” Rey freeze. Then she remembers trying to open every fucking door in the house without hiding it. Trying to escape when she knew she couldn’t. 

Her body starts to shake in anger. Anger at herself for being this stupid desperate girl who wants to go home. But soon it turns to fear when Kylo suddenly lifts her leg. 

Now he is standing on his knees between Rey’s. Her legs bend with both her feet on the blanket and they are wide open for Kylo to fit. He fits perfectly. Like a puzzle. 

“And here I thought you were being such a good girl. But I was wrong.”

Rey feels how her eyes start to burn, mouth turning dry and how it becomes harder to breathe. Kylo keeps smiling, both his hand resting on her knees and messaging the bones under. “I guess we have to punish you, huh?”

“P-please…”, Rey squeaks, gripping the blanket under her in an attempt to calm herself down. Sobs escape and she clenches her eyes hard. “No, please.”

Rey doesn’t think she can handle another punishment. The thought of water surrounding her makes her feel sick and her head gets dizzy. 

“Shh. Baby girl, stop crying. There is no point. You have to know the consequences.”, Kylo sings, a wide grin playing on his lips. Then his hands fall from her knees slowly and down to her ass. Gripping the flesh hard that makes Rey cry in fear, throwing her head to the left and the grip around the blanket tightened with her cry. Tears escape her eyes when she hears him growl, like wolf claiming his mate. Or more like his food. 

“Once again, you’re being ungrateful. You would’ve been rotting in the ground right now if it weren’t for me, sunshine. You should know that by now.” He says it in a voice that reminds Rey of a parent scolding its child. Lightly, playful and happy like he’s not actually talking about her dead body. 

He squeezed her ass again, making Rey cry. She can feel him barely leaning back, looking down and admiring her cunt. Eyeing the white cotton panties covering her while licking his lips and Rey wants to cry. She feels violated and he hasn’t even done anything. 

“This is all mine.”, Kylo whispers and Rey can hear him smile. She covers her face with her shaking hands, trying to hide her cryings into her palms as he pushes himself closer. Her legs now hugging his waist and his thighs pressed against her ass. “I won’t let you go anywhere. Do you fucking hear that? I’m going to take your virginity and I’ll always be a part of you.” Rey bites her lips under her hands in an attempt to calm herself down. To make her body stop to shake but nothing happens, instead, she keeps crying.

A part of her has already given up. She can’t do this anymore. She’s not strong. Who is she trying to trick? 

He would punish her and this time she would literally die. And she doesn’t want to die. She wants to see Finn again and hug him and his mother. She wants to meet Paige and hear her laugh about today's customers. She wants to hear Maz talk about her beloved cafe while Rey listens with a big loving smile. 

She wants to be free but she has already given up, so scared that she is, and that hurts more than anything. 

He growls again and before Rey knows it, he takes two hard grips around her wrist and snatches them away from her face, pressing them over her head. Leaning over her body. Rey looks up at him, his face only a few inches away from hers. His eyes are burning and Rey already notices his anger starting again. Flame lighting. 

“Look at me when I talk to you.”, he barks and Rey nods fast through tears and sobs. Because if you didn’t control that flame, it would become a fire and burn everything down. 

Rey doesn’t want to burn. 

“Yes. I’m sorry.”, Rey whispers. “I’m sorry.” Kylo smiles again, one hand gripping her wrist over her head while the other creeps it way down to her chin. A grip around her throat that makes it harder for Rey to breath, even if it’s just resting there. 

“Good.” Kylo looks Rey deep in the eyes with a grin on his lips and Rey looks back with tear-filled ones, trying to understand why he looks at her like that. 

Then he leans down and it takes less than a second for Rey to realize that he’s going to kiss her. And it’s not a loving one. 

It’s a kiss implying that he has won. He’s messing with her. 

Everything suddenly happens so slow. 

The way he grins, gripping her cheek hard and slowly leaning down to prove that he has destroyed her makes Rey blood boil. He couldn’t just fuck her and leave it like that. He had to make fun of her too. Destroy her dignity, destroy her mind while messing with her. And to do that, he kisses her. A kiss, which is an act of love and not dominance. 

He would  _ not  _ kiss her! 

Before his lips presses her own, Rey sees red. She snatches her wrists from his loose hold and before she can think, she pushes him of herself. Screaming loudly with her hands pressed against his naked chest, hitting him and trying to escape, but he doesn’t even budge. She even tries to hit him  _ there. _

“Get off me-”, Rey screams before getting interrupted with a slap across her face, so hard that she can hear her neck crack and teeth rattle against each other. Her whole body turns to the side and it takes time for her brain to start functioning again since everything goes black for a second. Maybe he caused a concussion, maybe she passed out. But it takes time before Rey can slowly open her eyes again. Breathing heavy with an open mouth as she feels pain across her whole face. Stinging, telling her beforehand that there would definitely become a bruise. 

“Rey, oh Rey. You stupid fucking whore.” Rey tries to understand what’s happening when she suddenly feels something cold around her wrists, the sound of metal clinging in her ear. It doesn’t take long for Rey to realize that he’s cuffing her against the edge of the headboard, her arms stuck over her head. 

It’s enough for Rey to come back to life again. Her eyes widen and she starts to whimper, snatching her hands in an attempt to escape before she feels her eyes start to water, screams growing in her lungs.

“No, no no no no-”, Rey mumbles, tears running down her eyes in frustration as Kylo sits up on his knees and sighs. 

“You won’t stop misbehaving… What to do?”, he asks himself with nothing but sarcasm, scratching his chin for effect while Rey keeps crying. “I mean, we  _ have  _ to continue, right Rey?” 

Kylo smiles, and Rey suddenly freezes when she feels his hand on her tiny panties. With widened eyes, she slowly looks down with both her hands over her to see Kylo slowly peeling them off, letting them caress her legs in the progress. Wearing a grin colder than her body temperature. Colder than a human could ever be. 

“Let’s continue.  _ Without _ warming you up, how’s that sound? Doesn’t really do me much!” Before Rey actually understand what it means, she starts to whimper loudly. Tears running down her cheeks as he leans over her to prepare himself and panic hits her. 

“No, no please!”, Rey screams. She has never screamed this loud in her life, she thinks as she tries to roll away, snatching her wrist from the cuffs. She keeps screaming until her lungs burn. Until her mouth is dry and tears flow out. “I’m sorry Kylo I’m sorry, no!” 

The fear she felt was something she never has experienced. Even when she looked up and saw a gun pressed against her head or when she sucked him off in the bathroom, nothing compared to this. The pain would be too much, the pain of the thought that this fucking monster would wound her in a way both physically and mentally was  _ too _ much! Her eyes stung by the salty tears, her sobbing screams kept leaving her mouth and her body wouldn’t stop shaking in fear. 

“Shut up.”, he spits through clenched teeth, concentrated on taking his dick out while balancing on one arm next to her head. 

The breath is knocked out of her when she feels something soft and warm pressed against her. 

With no control or sense in her body, she starts to scream. Screaming and crying and sobbing while trashing her whole body and not giving a fuck that Kylo might kill her because she is rather dead than to do this. The bed rattled under her, lungs burned and her legs cramped by her fast, violent movement. 

“No no no no no no please no!”, Rey screams, high pitched and horrible, trying to break free by snatching her wrist and turning her body away from him. She looks up at the roof like she’s praying to some kind of God up there, tears and snot running down her face. “Help me, someone  _ help _ ! Finn, please Finn!”

What Rey didn’t know, or notice, was that Kylo suddenly froze in place. 

And she learned that same night to never  _ ever _ mention a man's name in his house again. 

Because she has done the most horrible mistake to ever make. Rey added fuel to the fire. 

And she burned.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter became too long so I cut it in two, so don't get confused. It'll continue right after this chapter!!
> 
> Hope you liked it lol be ready it gets pretty awful in the next chapter...
> 
> Lenkia~


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter begins right after the previous one
> 
>  
> 
> GUYS READ THE TAGS IT GETS FKN DARK

 

“What the fuck did you just say?”, Rey heard over the sound of her own wailing, trashing and sobs. It fascinates her, that his whisper, so low and full of anger, had cut through all her horrible sounds that screamed much louder than his. 

Yet, those tense words that Rey knew by now, made her shut her mouth and slowly open her eyes. Rey rather scream the whole time, but her brain, her survival instincts, has already connected his mad voice to death. 

By the way she suddenly felt goosebumps all over her skin, together with the sudden feeling of sickness, told something else. Kylo wasn’t angry. He was too angry to label his feeling to something as soft as ‘angry’. 

Rey slowly looked up to his eyes, the ones she has tried avoiding all day. Through blurry, swollen eyes and burning lungs, she sees him. 

Rey has never seen him like this. Never seen anyone like this. It was like looking a lion right into its eyes and knowing your end. His eyes burned, told Rey enough to understand that she did the total opposite of containing the flame. His face was paler than before and his mouth, his plump lips, was pressed against each other in a thin line and a muscle in his face jumped.  

“What...?”, Rey whispers back after a long silence, sobbing through her words. Rey already heard what he asked, but she tries to buy herself time. Tries to understand what will happen to her. 

Kylo looks at her and Rey sees his pupils turn small as a pearl, eyelids twitching uncontrollably and blood dripping from the corner of his lips, biting his lips in an attempt to calm himself down. Not working so great. 

It makes Rey shake, eyes wide in fear seeing such madness and anger so close. His naked body still pressed against hers and noses inches from touching. 

Then, Kylo does something that makes Rey regret her whole knowledge. She regrets not shutting the fuck up when she felt his cock against herself. She regrets not asking him to kill her when she had the chance. 

Kylo smiles. 

A smile filled with pure venom, lies, and madness with barely audible chuckles. 

Rey watches him with frightened eyes, her chest heaving in panic. 

Kylo was  _ furious _ . He was enraged. Rey knew that she had done it. Knew she was done. She has dug her own grave. 

Kylo suddenly sits up again, on his knees still wearing his dangerous grin and black boxers. 

“Rey, my dear  _ dear  _ sunshine. I don’t think you really understand your situation.” He leans down to the floor and picks up his pants, digging in the pockets for something and all Rey can do is to watch his smile and twitching eyes while he searches for-

“Ah, here it is!” 

Kylo takes out a little knife out of his pocket victoriously. The little light from the moon outside shining against the sharp blade. 

Rey’s breath hitches. Her body freeze and dread fills her head when Kylo throws his pants back again and licks his lips. 

“W-what are you doing?”, Rey asks panicked, a cold wave running through her blood, trashing her arms over her head in an attempt to see if she can escape. She can’t. 

“What I’m doing?”, Kylo asks surprised sarcastically, swinging the blade around his hand. His white teeth shining when he smiles once again, laughing low. “I’m going to make you understand, sunshine.”

Before Rey can think, Kylo snatches up her white nightgown, which had rested on her thigh before. Revealing her whole naked lower half up to her waist and Rey screams in embarrassment and shock. Clenching her legs in an attempt to cover herself.  

“I’m going to make you understand that you belong to-”

But it’s not her parts that she should have saved. 

Rey had clenched her eyes in shame, but they suddenly turned wide open when she feels a burning right on her hip bone. 

Everything suddenly happens so slow. It feels like minutes go by, but it's actually seconds before Rey starts to feel the burning continue. It turns harder to breathe, sobs escape her mouth but no screams can leave and her whole body is shivering in coldness. But she’s burning too. 

Rey doesn’t understand what’s happening. Not until she slowly let her gaze fall down to see Kylo slowly letting the tips of the knife cut through the skin, above her hip bone on her right side. Blood running down her hips and on the white sheets under her. Just pouring out like water and all Rey does is stare. Like it’s not actually her body Kylo is cutting and it’s not her blood flowing out of her. 

She can’t breathe. She can’t think clearly. Her head is becoming dizzy and she needs to vomit and the pain is building up to something unbearable and _God what is happening to her?!_

Kylo meets her frightened eyes with his own insane. He smiles wide. 

“Me.”

Then he presses harder, a flow of blood pours out of her and Rey screams in pain. The feeling so horrible that her eyes almost roll to the back of her head. 

“S-stop!”, Rey cries, arching her back in an attempt to escape the pain but it only becomes worse and Rey wails into the air. Mouth open in pure distress and face turning paler. Becoming more dizzy with every second, from the blood loss and the lack of air. “Please stop-”

Then, Rey breath is knocked out of her. She feels the tip of the knife carves into her bone. Her hip bone. She can hear the sound of it through her body and it does something to Rey. Damaged her so mentally that all Rey can do is look up at the ceiling with a shaking body and whimper. Air barely in her lungs and cold sweat running down her body as she hears it. 

_ Scratch, scratch, scratch… _

“I saved you, you fucking cunt.”, Kylo mumbles between clenched teeth, still concentrated on carving her body, blood covering his whole hands and his naked chest. “I give you food and shelter when you should have been dead or fucking raped by hundreds of different men, but you’re still  _ fucking ungrateful _ !” He presses extra harder into the skin and all Rey can do is a whimper, a tear falling down to her ear. “Saying another man's name in my bed, are you  _ fucking- _ you don’t understand Rey, you belong to me! Do you hear me!? Me! And you need to fucking know that!”

Finally, the knife leaves her body and it should make Rey let go of her breath. But her body keeps shaking like she’s having a seizure caused by tensioning her muscles and her eyes are bulged open in pure despair. There was no mind that her private parts are exposed, not a single mind. All Rey could think about is the pain, the pain and the smell of iron filling her nose. Rey's own blood. 

“Now everyone knows who you belong to, bitch.” Slowly, Rey looked down to her hip bone and she immediately starts to whimper, animal-like cries leaving her mouth when she sees the mess of blood and flesh all across her stomach, hip, bed and even Kylo’s arms. But that’s not what broke Rey's mind. 

It was the long 2-inches letters K and R that lurked on the swollen flesh and blood. Deep, brutal and inhumane. She could see her own flesh, skin cut, and muscles under it. Red, and dark. Carved into her. A part of her. 

Rey can’t do much but to stare. She looks at her hip with wide eyes and a panic attack hit her. Breathing heavy, sobbing and just feeling her insanity slowly break with every second as the blood dripped down her hip. 

Kylo looks satisfied but concentrated, his anger gone and carved into her body. He whipped the sweat on his face with his arm, a trail of blood leaving behind on his cheek as he kept glaring at Rey with hard eyes. Looking at her pale face, unconcentrated eyes and heavy breathing leaving her mouth, before placing her ankles on his shoulders. The movement causing such a pain that makes Rey want to scream in eternity. 

But all she does is to look at Kylo with a glossy, exhausted haze, suddenly feeling tired, finished and just…. Done. 

With no more words between them, just Rey’s foggy breaths, Kylo pushed himself closer to her. His body between her legs, his hands on her thighs spreading them more open for him to fit. Rey watches him slowly push his underwear down, his eyes dark, concentrated and pupils only two small dots. 

“No…”, she cries in a whisper, clenching her eyes as a tear slowly roll down her eyes. She doesn’t do much to prevent it, though. She has lost this war. She gave up. Her sanity, her dignity, her everything was Kylo’s now. 

She didn’t want any of it anymore. 

Rey feels everything. She feels him pushing into her, dry as it is and it hurts. It burns as he slowly pushes into her and all Rey does is look up into the ceiling with crazed eyes and takes it. Feel him break her and feel it sting but she does nothing but to cry in silence while staring on the ceiling with both her hands still tied over her head. Rey thinks she blacks out because she doesn’t remember much after, the pain making her head turn off for a while. 

It takes a few minutes before he starts to thrust into her. Slow, painful thrusts and all Rey does hear is Kylo’s grunts escape with each push. The bed creaking with every movement, just as Rey’s body.

It hurts. It hurts so much, just as the bleeding letters carved into her hip and everything is just so much that Rey does nothing and she feels nothing and suddenly nothing matters and Rey realizes. 

She is broken. 

The girl, the strong, happy and brave girl that was born into a foster system, yet still survived is gone. The girl who managed to survive drunk, rich foster mothers and high foster fathers. The woman whose childhood was so tragic and awful, yet she became the complete opposite of it. The woman who always wanted a place to call home, and created her own. 

That girl is destroyed and broken. 

That Rey, that strong and stubborn Rey, is shattered into small pieces and hid deep inside. In a dark corner locked away in her consciousness, scared and beyond sane. 

A new Rey was born. 

The one who feared, and did nothing but fear the monster in front of her. Who hated Finn and Paige and Poe for not looking for her. When she instead should hate Kylo. But it was easier that way. It was easier to blame the ones who can't hurt her. 

Rey doesn’t know more than that. Doesn’t know more about this new, broken Rey. 

She guesses she has to find out when she wakes up. 

Her eyes become heavy through every thrust and the last thing she sees is Kylo’s wicked grin. 

Before she falls into the dark pit of despair she catches that the clock strikes 7 PM.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so I'm going on a vacation so I won't be posting for a while
> 
> that's why I'm presenting:
> 
> An extra long chapter just for u!! 
> 
> I'm so amazed by the nice comments I got from the last chapter, thank you so much! Love u all <3333 
> 
> Enjoy~

 

It’s 7 PM. 

Poe should be here any minute by now, Finn thinks. Drinking his second cup of coffee, licking his lips before putting it down. He’s late, and it should bother Finn. He has been waiting for over 20 minutes since they said 6:40 over texts but Finn thinks that maybe he has forgotten or something. 

Finn looks at the desk. Paige is handling some customers with a tired face. It’s not so weird that Finn chose to meet up at Jakku café. He loved this place. Loved to see Rey wipe the tables and give him free coffee with a smirk. 

Now she’s not here. 

Finn looks down at his coffee and takes a deep inhale. 

_ “Finn- Finn I’m going to die! They’ve been following me all this fucking time and now they’re finally going to kill me- I’m sorry. I love you, Finn. I really do-”  _

Four days. It has been four days since Finn heard that voice mail on his phone. Heard Rey’s desperate and frightened cries echoing through the phone and while Finn had a nice dinner with his family downstairs, the phone left behind up in his room, Rey was suffering. And now she’s gone. 

Finn remembers the fear he felt when he heard that voice mail two hours later. Just staring at his phone for minutes before replaying it again. And again. And again. Trying to decide if this was a joke or not. But Rey never joked like that and Rey hadn’t contacted him for days. Too quiet. Like she was trying to… protect him from _them_ . 

That felt more like Rey and it suddenly hit him. 

This was  _ not  _ a joke. 

Finn ran to the police station, his whole body shaking in fear and breath heavy when he finally reached his destination. He grabbed the first police officer he saw and told him that something awful had happened. At first, the officer seemed worried and bought Finn into his office, telling him to calm down. But Finn couldn’t and he wouldn’t be satisfied until he played the voice mail to him. 

But when he did, the police officers face turned pale and his eyes became wide.

“Officer, you have to find her, what does she mean with them ? Who are they-”

“Are you her boyfriend?”, the officer said. Voice suddenly stern and the complete opposite of caring, like he was at first.

“N-no, she’s my best friend-”

“Does she have any close family, anything?” Finn became annoyed. 

“No, she’s been in the foster system her whole life. What does this have to do with anything?” 

“I’m sorry, there is nothing we can do. Besides, a person has to be gone for at least 48 hours before we can classify it as a missing person.” Finn should be angrier than shocked. All he can do is to stare at the uninterested officer with wide eyes, trying to understand what he just heard. Was he joking with him? Is he pulling a prank? Hidden cameras, somewhere? 

“Are you serious- Missing- There is fucking proof right in front of you, someone has been following her and she’s gone, why the hell do you need 48 hours for?!” 

“I’m sorry. You need to leave.” 

And suddenly Finn stood outside the police station, kicked out and just completely shocked. Trying to understand what just happened. This is not how the police work. They are supposed to  _ help _ and not dismiss you. 

All Finn could do that night was to cry in frustration and wait those two whole days. 

When he came back, it felt like an episode from Mean Girls. The moment Finn took a step inside the station, everyone eyed him with either annoyed looks or empathic stares. Whispering all around him. Immediately, a police officer asked Finn to leave.

“I’m not going to leave- Who the hell is in charge of this fucked place? I want to speak to him or her cause I’m not fucking leaving!”

“Sir, you talked to him two days ago, you should leave!” 

And once again Finn stood outside the station, biting his lips. Feeling the burning sensation of frustration and anger fill him. He sat at the bench outside and did everything in his power not to scream. 

Rey was somewhere, maybe even dead and no one did anything about it. It’s not supposed to be like that. How many drunken nights hasn’t he spent with Rey crying against his shoulder, talking about being abandoned and wanting a home? A place to call her own since no one was ever there for her. Ever. And Finn promised Rey that he’d always be there for her. 

But he wasn’t.

He couldn’t do anything right now. He couldn’t even get the damn police to help, they aren’t doing their jobs right, it’s illegal! And how the hell do you call the police on the police?!

“Finn.” The sound of his name woke Finn from his anger and he saw Poe Dameron. Standing in front of him with his officer clothes and looking extremely depressed. Eyes round and wet, bags under many shades darker than his own color and a beard from the lack of shaving. 

Finn hadn’t seen him since high school. After what happened between them, they never talked to each other again. And now he’s stood in front of him like a kicked puppy. 

Should Finn still be salty about what happened many years ago, or act like an adult? Ask him how he’s doing and discuss the weather or give him attitude. 

Both felt wrong. 

“Ehm… Poe. Hey.”, Finn said, standing up. Scratching his chin in awkwardness while he looked around. His eyes landing anywhere except his. Poe probably saw Finn go crazy in the station and it should make him feel extremely embarrassed by his actions if it wasn’t for Rey being kidnapped. He just felt frustrated and completely  _ not _ in the mood to talk about the weather. “I’m about to leave. Tell your co-workers they suck ass and I’ll sue them. Someway.” Before Finn left, Poe took a hard grip around his wrist and Finn immediately stopped in his track. Looking up to see a completely horrified look on Poe’s face.

“I need to talk to you.”, Poe whispered and Finn notices his hand shaking around his wrist. Utterly horrified.

“Okey.”, Finn nodded, carefully. Suddenly feeling pity for Poe. He is truly scared. Really scared but Finn also remembered that phone call between him and Rey. 

It was Poe who had questioned her about the shooting outside her apartment. Maybe he knows something, right? 

“But not here. We can’t talk here.” Poe looked around them like someone is eavesdrop or anything. “You still have the same phone number?” Finn nodded. 

That evening, a few text messages passed between the two about where to meet and time, and here Finn was. All alone and waiting on Poe Dameron in Jakku Café. 

The door to the café opens and Finn immediately makes eye contact with the officer warming himself up by rubbing his arms hard. It’s November and it’s fucking freezing but right now, Finn is boiling. Not because Poe’s late, but because he needs answers. He needs to save Rey. 

Moments later, Finn and Poe sit in front of each other. A depressed, yet awkward aura around them that was filled with the smell of coffee and regret. They don’t look at each other, only sipping on the drinks that they ordered. It’s just awkward...

But it shouldn’t matter about what happened in high school right now. It should matter that Rey is missing and Poe knows something. 

That’s enough for Finn to clear his throat. 

“I know that our… the friendship ended in a bad way. A long time ago.” Poe looks startled and shocked, maybe didn’t expect Finn to suddenly talk about  _ that _ . “But we have to put that aside and do this for Rey.” Finn crosses his arms and leans against the chair, Poe eyeing him while swallowing nervously. 

“Yes. I agree. Totally.”, Poe says, breaking eye contact to sip on his coffee. Finn doesn’t waste one second. 

“You work in the police station, you know how they think. Why the hell don’t they care about saving Rey? It’s their damn job!” Poe flinches at his words, staring down at his coffee in a way that reminds Finn of, once again, a kicked puppy. Poe takes a inhale, ready to answer. 

“I recently finished my education, y’ know. Graduated to become an officer.” Finn nods, ready for Poe’s story. One he hopes can answer his question. “When I started working at the station, I immediately noticed that things were off. That they are almost… scared of something.”

“What, the officers?” 

“Everyone. Cases often came in, such as drug dealing, weapon smuggling, and prostitution. But everyone, even the Chief, ignored them and swept them under the carpet. Like the people that suffered from these illegal acts didn’t matter. At first, I was shocked. Then I became furious. We have a duty as officers to make society a safe place, but we didn’t. And I couldn’t understand why.” Poe looks around once again like someone would hide behind them and listen. But even Finn starts to get paranoid. This story starts to become bigger than just a kidnapping. Maybe Rey’s situation was just the tip of the iceberg.

“Then one day, when no one would explain why, I gathered all the files of the cases everyone ignored and looked them through. I found a pattern. The crimes were all caused by one cause. Or more like, one organization. The First Order.”

“The First Order?”

“Yes. It’s a group who does a series of crimes. Organized crimes, everything from drugs to human trafficking. In our city. And the only explanation to why the department ignores these crimes, it’s because the First Order has people on the inside. In the police apartment. Finn, they are like the mafia. They’re really fucking dangerous.” Like a grip around Finn’s throat, he suddenly can’t breathe and his blood turns to ice. 

“Rey… Rey said something like that. Over the phone.” During the same call, Rey had talked about seeing a shooting. Seeing the blood and dead body. About not daring to say anything to the police. 

_ “I don’t want to get involved in some kind of, mafia shit.” _

Holy shit.  _ Holy _ shit.

Everything suddenly clicks into place. Everything starts to make sense. The shooting, the witnessing, her paranoia of not wanting to talk to the police. 

Finn places his hand over his mouth, looking at Poe with wide eyes.

“She saw. She saw everything but she didn’t dare to talk to the police about it. She knew that it wasn’t a regular murder.” Poe nods and suddenly sobs, taking a shaky breath that makes Finn even more scared than he already is. Because he doesn’t think he can handle any more bad news. 

“Finn.”, Poe whispers, his eyes watering. “I think I killed Rey.” 

It suddenly turns quiet. A pregnant silence hanging over the two as Finn tries to understand Poe’s broken words. The only sound was from the door opening and the coffee machines working. Other then that, it was dead silence. 

“What…?” Poe shakes his head, pressing his hand against his head in an attempt to calm himself down. Tears dripping from his eyes. 

“I questioned her that night and I knew she saw something. And I knew that it was the First Order. I fucking knew it.” Poe's hands turn to fist and his eyes are filled with guilt. “I’m a newly graduated officer Finn. I wanted to make a name out of myself. That’s every policies dream. I wanted to be  _ the  _ officer Dameon who took down the First Order. Who destroyed the corrupt police department. So I fucking  _ pushed  _ her, Finn. She was in danger and she asked me to leave that day. And she looked so scared and I knew that they had contacted her so instead of helping her I just thought of myself. About making a name out of myself so I  _ pushed _ her instead. I was so fucking selfish and now she’s gone!” 

Finn can’t believe what he’s hearing. Can’t believe what is happening. 

Rey witnessed a murder. A group who does organized crime has taken her. The police department is filled with people from the same fucking group and Poe know this. 

Poe knows of this. Knows that Rey’s is taken by the First Order and dead or even sold to human trafficking. For four days. 

And he hasn’t done anything except feeling sorry for himself. 

“You  _ fucking _ bastard!”, Finn screams, suddenly standing up and gripping the collar of Poe’s jacket that makes Poe fly up, his eyes wide in shock. Finn hears gasps coming from the customers inside but Finn doesn’t care. He sees red. “Rey is gone and you haven’t done  _ anything- _ ”

“Hey, hey- Boys, calm down!” The sound of Paige raised voice wakes Finn up and without any mercy he let’s go of Poe’s collar violently, making the officer stumble back. Almost falling. 

The barista looks at both of them with annoyed, yet sympathetic eyes as she shakes her head. Arms crossed over her chest.

“You’re scaring away our customers.” Shame fills Finn, lowering his head and a glance at Poe tells that he feels the same. 

Paige looks at them, quiet for a second, debating with herself if she should say it or not before she opens her mouth. 

“I miss Rey. I miss her a lot. I didn’t eavesdrop, but you weren’t quiet either.” Paige raises her eyebrow towards Finn and he turns red, scratching his neck awkwardly. “But I told my sister about what happened. About Rey disappearing and believe it or not, she wants to find her.” Both Finn and Poe become shocked, looking at each other with raised eyebrows, before looking back at the barista. 

“Why- why would she want to find Rey? Do they know each other?” Paige looks behind her to see that the counter is empty, no orders to serve. She leans over the table and lowers her voice.

“I told my sister about my co-workers' paranoid behavior that I noticed five days ago. Rey kept looking out the window all the time and didn’t even greet me back when she left that same day. Rey always stays and talks with me. How tired or sad she even is.” Finn nods. That sounds like Rey. “My sister is a newly graduated journalist and-” 

“Bragging about your sister, that’s cute!” All three of them suddenly turn their head towards a lady. With short black hair, black eyes and clothes like she came straight out of a commercial about lawyers. Matching skirt and blazer and pointy black heels that looks uncomfortable as hell. 

Everyone would be an idiot if they didn’t immediately understand that it was Paige’s sister. Their face features matched perfectly and Finn finds her extremely pretty. Beautiful, even. 

The lady smiles genuine, her hands on her hips. 

“Hi, Rose Tico. Nice to meet you.” She gives the men a card each and Finn reads her name once again before glancing up at Poe with raised eyebrows as he does the same. 

“What the hell, aren’t you supposed to be in New York?”, Paige asks shocked, looking at Rose who sits down next to the men, placing her bag by the chair. 

“Yes, but  _ someone _ called about a girl named Rey, remember? Can you get me some coffee, it’s been a long day.” Paige rolls her eyes before going, leaving Rose, Finn, and Poe behind. 

“Ehm, so you are a journalist?”, Finn asks carefully, glancing at the woman who sighs loudly. Stretching her arms over her head. 

“Yep. Graduated this year.” Rose smiles to both the men. “My sister told me about this Rey Niima. I guess she is your…?”

“Friend.” Finn glance at Poe. “Friends.” Poe nods and so does Rose.

“So, according to my sister Rey had been acting paranoid before she turned missing.” 

“She has been kidnapped. By a group, an organization.”, Finn says and Rose eyes turn wide by the information while Poe starts to panic. 

“H-hey, you can’t just say that-”, Poe barks but Rose lifts up her hand, and Poe turns quiet. She looks at the men with caring eyes. 

“You can trust me with information like this. Believe me.” Finn sees a spark of passion in her eyes that makes him hope. “I have studied for many years to make sure that the truth will come out. I’m willing to find Rey in the process. And I could use a friend who knows Ms. Niima best. Her schedule and behavior.” Rose looks at Finn, who shakes his head eager. 

“Of course.” Rose smiles before looking at Poe seriously. 

“And I also need a police officer to help me with information and evidence that I’m not allowed to touch. Someone on the inside of the department.” Finn’s heart starts to beat faster when he sees Poe hesitated face. Finn understands Poe. Asking him to do illegal things that can risk him lose his job is hard. It’s not an easy request. 

But he owes it to Rey. He owes it to save her. 

Poe glance at Finn, seeing his hopeful eyes that makes his heart clench. The police officers swallow before nodding to Rose. 

“I’m in.” Rose smiles and Finn lets out a sigh in relief. 

“Let's do it, then.”, Rose says, leaning back on her chair with a satisfied smile. “Let's find Rey Niima.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for being so supportive! I've had a great vacation and really enjoyed it <3   
> And yall definitely deserve a chapter ;))
> 
> GUYS, I'm having a big ass writer's block like I'm STUCK  
> So if the next chapter is a bit late, then I'm so sorry my stupid ass can't think clear lmaoo
> 
>  
> 
> Guys, are you ready for Rey....?

  
  


Rey’s mind is reset.

Like a baby's, almost. Where you don’t know any emotions and importance at all. Were stuff like happiness, friendship and even moral is nonexistent in her mind.

Rey had been reborn that night. Reborn into thinking that there is nothing. She felt nothing. She was nothing.

Her mind was like a blank paper, and the only thing that was written on it was fear.

That was the only thing she knew. The only thing she understands. Stuff like empathy and moral didn’t exist in her mind.

The only thing she knew was fear.

So when Rey opened up her eyes again, she sees the white ceiling. And she felt nothing. The only thing that she felt was her sore throat, heavy eyes and chapped lips. Every breath was a challenge and something was wrong.

But it shouldn’t matter.

According to the clock on her bedside, she has to wake up in 15 minutes and make breakfast for Kylo. Rey tries to sit up.

Like a resistance pushing her down, she throws her own body back to bed and she does everything in her power not to scream by the sudden pain caused by the movement, her throat leaving empty cries into her palms as she becomes dizzy. Tears running down her eyes as every part of her lower body aches in a way Rey has never experienced before.

“Oh God…”, she wails in a whisper, clenching her eyes hard. Feeling cold sweat run down her hairline.

Minutes go by before she dares to attempt again. Slowly, she sits up with her elbows and lets her gaze fall to her lower half on the bed. She immediately sees the big white bandage covering her right side of her hip, dried blood everywhere on her body like paint and memories of yesterday hits her like a truck.

Kylo’s big hands on her behind, the shining knife, all the blood.

His initials. Carved into her body.

His body. Pushing into her with force.

Rey doesn’t freak out. Doesn’t feel anything besides pain and that’s the only thing flying inside her head. It hurts.  _ It hurts! _

Her insides feel destroyed and sore and a single movement is enough to make Rey cry in pain. She has her white panties from yesterday on, and there is dry blood on it. It doesn’t take much to understand that it’s the blood Kylo promised to shed. Blood from her vagina.

It’s too much blood and it hurts so much.

Prints of Kylo’s fingers are left behind on Rey’s thighs. Blue and throbbing, just like the one she feels on her face.

Everything aches so much and Rey wants to fall back to sleep to avoid this reality she lives in.

Kylo walks into her room minutes later, probably hearing Rey’s loud whinings. When Rey looks up to the man, who glares at her bored with his hands in his pockets, Rey realizes.

Kylo is her God.

Last night, he stole her identity. Her sanity. Everything belonged to him, Rey was too weak to hold on to it. Rey knew there was no point in trying. No point of even thinking about escaping. The only thing Rey now feared more than death is Kylo’s anger and she would do everything in her power to please the man who now owns her.

If he told her to jump, she’d jump. If he told her to die, she’d die. Everything to make sure he’ll never torture her more times.

Rey’s only goal now was to please her God and make sure he'll never punish her again.

“Kylo, Kylo please!”, Rey cries, reaching her shaking arm to him. Breathing heavy and looking at him like he’s her only hope. Putting her faith and trust to him. “Save me, it hurts, pleases! I’m sorry, forgive me, forgive me!”

Kylo keeps looking down at her, his face showing nothing more than satisfied with his poisonous grin as Rey keep reaching her arm towards him.

“I promise I’ll be good for you.”, Rey whispers. She can’t think of anything else that Kylo might want to hear, she had said everything now. It reminds her of the drug addicts doing anything for a high, the desperation of relief.

Kylo takes out his hand out of his pocket and before Rey can thank him in satisfaction, she sees a clear small plastic bag filled with pills. Even dizzy and completely blinded by pain, Rey understand that it’s not the usual pain killers you buy in stores.

“I’m going to let you rest for a week.”, he started, shaking out two of the white tablets on his palm. Rey hears him, but her focus is on the pills. The key for a few painless moments. “And I’m going to place food by the bed. If I don’t see you eat everything on the plate, be prepared for something worse than what I’ve already done to you.”

Rey looks up at him and Kylo looks back with hard, cold eyes before Rey nods her head, her body shaking in pain.

“Thank you, Kylo.” Then he takes two pills and shoves it in her mouth. Rey swallows them hurriedly without water and when they’re down, she slowly falls back to sleep.

She sees Kylo squat down beside her, right by her hips and through blurry eyes she thinks she sees a needle shining in his hands.

The darkness, a new awful one she has never seen before surrounds her and Rey is scared.

Rey learned two more things that day.

Along with fear, pain and worship were added to her blank paper of a mind. Those three lonely words were the only thing she knew and it’s all connected to him.

  
  


A week goes way too fast when you're drugged down the whole time.

When Rey woke up the next time, everything spun and nothing felt right. Rey barely remembers much from the five days of being high on painkillers, only hallucinating.

She hallucinated about home. Sitting on her apartment floor with Finn and drinking wine while talking, just like the day before everything went wrong. What they talked about, she didn’t know and it didn’t look like her apartment either. But that dreaming feeling of a location said it all. But suddenly Finn takes out a knife from his mouth and carve letters into her face and all Rey does is scream when she realizes that it’s not actually Finn. It’s Kylo.

Nightmares. A lot of nightmares during the first five days.

Then she woke up again. The painkillers had done its job for the day and Rey could feel the pain, but not as intense. Just enough for Rey to not faint. But what mattered the most was that she didn’t see scary Finns’ or knives anymore.

Instead, she saw the ceiling. She looked down and saw the bandage. She saw the blood still right where she saw it the last time. Untouched. Dried in and sticky.

Something new was added into Rey’s mind. The same mind that was reset six days ago.

Sadness.

Kylo could slap or swear at her. But leaving her sleeping in a pool of her own blood for almost six days meant that she was nothing to him. Nothing. The message was clear.

_ Clean it yourself. _

If it wasn’t the pain from her lower body that caused her tears, it was also this.

The feeling of sadness. That she wasn’t even worth sleeping in fresh sheets for him.

Rey placed her arm over her eyes and cried. Loud and disgusting sobs escaping, feeling the dry blood stick to her thighs and reminding her of how much Kylo hated her.

She didn’t cry for her old life. Didn't cry for freedom or friendship. For home. That was all gone. There was no such thing in her mind.

She cried for Kylo.

The old Rey would die in anger right then. That she shed one single tear for him, is one too much. But the old Rey is gone and the only one left is the Rey with a mind of a child. With no knowledge of anything except for emotions linked to him.

_ You deserve it _ , a voice inside of her head whispered. The same voice who worshiped Kylo.  _ You deserve it. _

Maybe she did.

There was food on the bed table. A lot of it too. Fruits, meat, cheese, and just a whole buffé that Rey knew she can’t eat. The thought of even putting anything in her belly made her stomach riot.

But Rey, even if it was many days ago and the pain too much to bear, remembered Kylo’s threatening words. Eat, she had to eat or she would be punished.

The word punishment is enough for Rey to cry in fear.

So she eats it. She sits up carefully and her vagina throbs in pain when she puts weight on it. The bandage covers the worst part, but Rey can still feel what happened under and it hurts. By the time Rey sits on the edge of the bed, she’s covered in sweat and cringing hard in pain, a drop of a tear running down her cheek in frustration.

With dried blood all over her stomach and lower body, she eats the food. Slowly, slowly so she wouldn’t throw up and she chewed every piece carefully so that it wouldn’t be too much for her body. And finally it’s empty on her plate and Rey places a hand on her stomach, resisting a wave of food wanting to come out from her mouth.

She also finds two pills next to a glass of water. She swallows them too without even trying to find out what it is she’s taking.

Walking to the bathroom was a challenge. So was showering. Every movement hurt and Rey was so sore she barely could stand. She tries to scrub away the dried blood on her stomach and it took many attempts before she was clean, only for big, purple-yellow bruises to hid under it.

The bandage was left untouched, Rey didn’t dare to take it off. But she let her hand slide down to her most painful place and gently touched it with the tip of her fingers. It hurt too much. And Rey wants to cry for her pain.

She can’t. Not a single drop sheds for herself. It only sheds for Kylo.

After Rey is forced to change the sheets but even when she takes them off, the blood has seeped through to the mattress. This bed was completely ruined.

Just like the message Kylo left, she obeys it.

Rey cleans the bed and she does everything in her power to make it perfect for him. As forgiveness.

_ I’m sorry _ , Rey thinks guilty as she keeps scrubbing away her blood.  _ I’m so sorry. _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of Rey? Do you understand why she is the way she is? Or are you not satisfied?   
> Comment and let me know! 
> 
> ANGST GUYS A LOTS OF IT


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so late and I haven't read this through sry
> 
> Thank you guys for such nice comments i love u all sooo much ty ty 
> 
>  
> 
> Don't forget READ THE TAGS

A week has gone by and when the clock hits 8 AM, Rey sits up and turns off the alarm robotically. 

She takes a deep breath and her heart is already racing because  _ what if she does something today that’ll get her punished? _ What if Kylo sees her again and is still mad at her? What if he suddenly decides that she isn't good enough and just kill her off?

With constant worries, Rey carefully stands up. Just to feel if she’s good enough to go. 

She isn’t. 

No, it’s still hasn’t healed. When slowly placing her feet on the floor and balancing her weigh, her hip hurt. The carved letters are still covered with a bandage and Rey still doesn’t dare to see what’s laying under there. She briefly remembers Kylo standing over her with a needle in his hands. Did he sew the wound? 

Rey closes her eyes and tries not to vomit. 

Then there was her… private part. Where Kylo pushed himself in with force. It still throbbed. Hurt more than the letters on her hips. When walking towards the bathroom, Rey had no choice but to slightly lift her leg, making her halt painfully. 

When reaching the bathroom sink, Rey grips the edge desperately and leans over it. Letting out a breath in relief when lifting her weight from her vagina. Like a teenage movie, Rey slowly looks up in the mirror and if old Rey looked up, she would cry for herself. Cry for the girl who didn’t deserve any of this.  

But now Rey didn’t even flinch, because the same voice whispered. 

_ You deserve it _ .

The bruise on her cheek that was every color of a rainbow has slowly fainted with the week, but it was still there. A few spots of blue, violet and yellow covering her whole cheek. Rey can still remember her teeth rattle when receiving the slap. Then there were those awful bags under her eyes. Just dark and almost scary looking. Unnormal. 

And there were the red marks around her wrist. Deep into her skin and still not perfectly healed. It would leave scars there, definitely. The handprints on her body were gone. Kylos grip on her thighs wasn’t there anymore but somehow Rey can still feel them. Imprinted into her skin. 

Rey stares into her own eyes in the mirror. Looking into her dead eyes that didn’t carry any life or want. Just fear and a will to do the best she can not get any punishment. 

To just please Kylo the best she can. 

 

 

When Rey opens the fridge and tries to find inspiration for breakfast, it becomes empty in her head. And that’s not like her. Not when it comes to breakfast. 

Rey could us two slices of bread and a tomato and still, make a perfect breakfast. She is a Barista, for God's sake. It’s her job to serve people sandwiches on the run. 

The grip around the fridge handle tightened and Rey bits the inside of her cheek, feeling her heart race.

No. She  _ was _ a Barista. 

Just the thought of her old life scares Rey, because what if Kylo could hear her? What if he knew what she was thinking? Because he knew everything, he has cameras  _ everywhere _ ! 

Rey closes the fridge and tries to breathe slowly, but she can’t help but look around her. At the ceiling, the counter, the walls. Anywhere where there might be a camera. 

Did he look at her right now? Was he annoyed that she hasn’t done anything yet? Would he just  _ finish _ her off? 

Rey sobs and leans against the fridge, just to feel a moment of calm and painless seconds. Sweat was already pouring down her face in panic and frustration and Rey clenches her eyes hard. Trying to calm herself down and she lets her hand rest on her hip over the maid dress. 

She has to calm down. There wouldn’t be any more punishment and Kylo would stop hate her if she  _ just behaved! _ He wouldn’t feed or take care of her if she kept thinking about the past. The past represents the old Rey. The Rey who wanted to escape. 

So Rey halts her way over to the coffee machines to brew some coffee, then takes out enough ingredients for french toast. 

Nothing matters now. Not her old life, not escaping. 

Just Kylo.

As Rey fries them, she uncontrollably leans against the stove and tries to focus on not burning anything. Her hands shake because soon Kylo will come out of his room and she hasn’t seen in many days. That week she was laying on the bed healing was a blur. She slept for some hours and woke up with food and water on the bed table. Then she ate, slept and there it was. A new plate filled with food and a fresh glass of water. 

So she hasn’t seen Kylo at all and she was nervous. Maybe he’s still angry at her. Maybe she’d burn this french toasts and that would be the last drop. 

Maybe he will stop taking care of her and Rey would become nothing. She was nothing without him. 

Her breath hitches when she hears a door open and slow, predatory steps echo through the hallowed house. Rey doesn’t lift her eyes from the french toasts which hiss loudly, her neck hanging in shame. She swallows nervously and turns off the stove when the toasts are covered in golden brown color and place two of them on a plate. 

Like a flagpole on a windy day, Rey’s hands continue to shakes when she hears the chair by the island drag against the floor, the eerie sound making Rey shiver in fear. She has a hard time placing the blueberries on top of the toasts since they keep escaping her trembling palm and Rey whispers to those stupid berries. 

Please, please,  _ please! _

When they look just right, Rey realizes that she has to place the plate in front of him. Which require her to turn around and face him. So Rey takes a deep nervous breath, and she does. 

Rey looks ridiculous. She’s standing by the stove with a plate of french toast in her hands and swallows nervously when she meets Kylos. She’s doing everything in her power not to drop the plate from her sweaty palms. 

He is sitting by the island. His hands braided together and resting on the marble table, the Rolex on his wrist catching the light and shining it’s worth. His posture comes with calm intentions, yet his eyes are stormy. Deadly. 

They keep staring at each other and Rey is reminded of that day. Reminded of his twitching eyes, his bloody knife and his heavy grunts when thrusting into her. Rey’s vagina throbs at the memory.

She should hate him. Should throw the breakfast in his face and strangle him. Scream at him that he took her virginity, her dignity, her  _ everything!  _ That would be something old Rey would do. Actually, that would be something  _ everyone _ in her situation would do. React normally. 

But instead, all she sees is her savior. Her guardian. The one who would feed and care for her. Rey remembers all the foster homes she went to. The foster parents could be so evil, so awful. Not feed her in many days. That happened a lot. Often when she had done something stupid like talking back. When that happened, when Rey had no energy left to play stuff, too hungry and dizzy, she would always let her neck hang and obey as a dog does. Whining in the corner with regret. And then the parents would feed her, a victories smile on their lips when they saw Rey defeated. Rey was always so ashamed after she accepted the food. So damn ashamed. 

Rey is exactly in that same position now that she was several years ago. She has been defeated. She has to pay the price. 

So she swallows in nervosity and slowly walk towards him, her neck hanging in shame. The clinging sound of the porcelain was the only thing echoing in the kitchen when Rey placed the plate in front of him. Standing right next to him, she doesn’t move and she doesn’t know what to say, just keeps staring at her trembling hands gripping each other for dear life. 

“Look at me.” His demanding and dark voice sends shivers through her whole body and Rey immediately obeys. 

Their eyes meet again and Rey realizes that even when she’s standing and Kylo is sitting, he’s still much taller than she is. And much bigger. There are only a few inches between his knees and her tights and the closeness scares Rey. But not as much as his burning, tense eyes. 

Rey swallows again. 

“Who’s Finn?” It takes a few seconds for the question to proceed in her head, her eyes still looking into his. 

“Finn?”, Rey asks, her voice raspy. Hasn’t talked for many days. Kylo nods yes by looking at her more darker. Rey takes a deep inhale. “He’s my friend. Best friend.” 

“And has this  _ best friend _ touched you? Touched  _ my _ belonging?” Rey shakes her head fast, too fast because she doesn’t want anything to happen Finn.

“N-No.”, Rey says. Telling the truth. “He’s not… he’s not into p-people like me. Girls.” That was half the truth. Finn was bisexual. Has always fallen in love with the soul and not the gender. And he had never thought of Rey like that. Never done anything for Rey to suspect something. 

Kylo keeps looking at her with those darkened and angered eyes and Rey does everything in her power not to look away. Does everything in her power not to cry. 

“Don’t ever mention another man’s name in my house.  _ Ever.  _ You belong to me. Your mine. Your virginity is mine. Everything is  _ mine _ . Do you fucking hear me, Rey?”, he whispers, voice tense and threatening and he never breaks eye contact. All Rey can do is to breathe sharply, every inhales shakily as her eyes start to water. 

“Yes.”, she nods, a small sob escaping her lips. “I’m sorry, Kylo. I’m sorry.” 

A smirk grows on Kylos lips, eyes shining in satisfaction as he chuckles deep. He turns his head towards his breakfast and takes a berry between his fingers while Rey looks at him with trembling lips. 

“Oh, my little sunshine. I don’t believe in the word sorry. You should know that by now.” Her eyes furrowed in confusion. He throws the berry in his mouth and chews it slowly, moaning sarcastically. 

Rey tries to understand what he means by that. He has said that before. When Rey said sorry for spitting on his face. And according to him, forgiveness wasn’t enough with a word. It has to come with action. 

Rey looks up to meet his eyes. And she suddenly understands. His eyes tell it all. 

They are burning with an evil desire. Sexual desire. 

Rey’s body tense, her lips turning into a straight line and Kylo smiles wicked. Just like those foster parents when Rey ate the food in shame. They won. Kylo won. Rey has been defeated. 

It doesn’t ache in her heart by the fact, because she already knows. Knew the moment he carved his initials into her body. 

Rey lifts her head, looks up at the ceiling and takes a deep breath. A deep, calming breath that fills her lungs with oxygen, keeping her alive. But Rey knows that it isn’t oxygen that is the reason she’s alive. 

It’s Kylo. 

So Rey closes her eyes and she slowly drops down to her knees. Slowly so her carved-in letters won’t open up and bleed. She places both her hands on his thighs, on his black  polyester  trousers and slowly looks up to meet his eyes. 

He grins and leans back on the chair like he’s getting ready to look at a performance. Like he’s proud at her but mostly himself for making Rey like this. Making Rey stand on her knees before him. 

Rey breaks eye contact because it’s too much. Her hands creep its way towards his brand belt and open it with shaky hands. Kylo sees that she struggles but he doesn’t help. Rey isn’t surprised. 

It doesn’t take long before she takes him out from his underwear. His cock already hard and throbbing, waiting for Rey’s forgiveness. Rey doesn’t care how it looks, how it will feel or how unpleasant the experience will be because she has already done this. But Kylo only thrust into her mouth while Rey gagged. Now she had to do the work. And she is scared. Scared that she won’t be good enough. Scared that it won’t be enough as forgiveness. 

She can only hope that it will turn Kylo on. That her purity and innocence is a sign of inexperience. That he is taking more of her firsts. 

She slowly takes a long lick of the underside. The taste of salt stinging on her tongue as Kylo hisses through clenched teeth and grips her head lightly, running his fingers through her hair. 

“Just like that, sunshine.  _ Fuck! _ ”, he whispers as she keeps licking. Rey continues, touching the head carefully before taking him whole in her mouth. Kylo keeps whispering dirty words and soon thrust into her mouth, both his hands in her hair gripping it hard as Rey’s eyes start to water, jaw aching. 

“Look me in the eyes, Rey.” She does, eyes meeting his twitching ones as he huffs through his teeth. Rey gags on his cock but still doesn’t break eye contact. “Look me in the fucking eyes. You’re mine, Rey. You’re fucking  _ mine! _ ”

She should want to cry. She should want to scream. She would want to die.

But she isn’t. 

She doesn’t want anything when she hears him grunt loudly. Doesn’t feel anything when Kylo clenches her hair too hard. Doesn’t do anything when he comes in her mouth and she swallows loudly for him to hear, still looking him in the eyes. 

No, Rey feels relief. Relief that he looks at her with eyes that shines with pleasure and sin after. The relief when he wipes a drop of cum that drips down her chin. The relief when he grins and tells with his facial expression that she is forgiven.

Rey simply thinks that this is what needs to be done to makes things right again. 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late with this chapter, but beware; It's REALLY fkn long :)
> 
> Please read the note at the end of this chapter thank you very much <333
> 
>  
> 
> READ THE TAGS DO I RLY HAVE TO WRITE THIS; YES I DO

 

Rey cleans, focusing mostly on the dusty, untouched living room. Then she eats at lunch, Kylo’s leftovers from breakfast and she cleans again. 

Nothing special. Even after eating french toast and blueberries, the taste of him still lingers on her tongue. The taste of salt, pine, man. Kylo. 

The words kept echoing in Rey’s mind. 

_ “Your mine, Rey. You’re fucking mine!” _

It sends shivers down her spine. Rey has never been anyones. Never been an obsession. Just Rey from the other city. Rey from class, Rey the barista. Just  _ Rey _ . 

Sure, she had Finn but even Finn would talk about some classmate in college that Rey didn’t recognize and suddenly feel an ugly fog of jealousy blind her. That somebody she didn’t know is more interesting to Finn than her. Then Rey would shake her head and keep listening with a half-hearted smile because  _ of course _ . She was just Rey. Nothing interesting.

Then Kylo does stuff like that. Says stuff like that. It makes Rey feel… wanted. 

Rey’s breath hitch and she clenched her eyes hard. 

_ Fuck! _ She can almost hear the old Rey scream inside of her. Scream at the coward, scared, Kylo-worshiping Rey what a fucking bitch she is. How she  _ dares _ to think of Kylo like that, after everything he’s done to her. How?! 

Rey opens her eyes again and the old Rey’s wailing is gone. Good. It was those rioting screams that got Rey in trouble. That got Rey locked in a basement, drowned in water and tied, carved and raped. 

Those things will never happen again. As long as she shuts old Rey up. 

Around 4:30 PM, Rey feels finished and sits down on the floor instead of the couch, afraid of ruining it. She leans on her arms behind her and hisses through her teeth, the pain of her hip throbbing under her dress. Finally getting some rest. Rey looks at the living room. 

Everything looked clean enough. She hoped so, at least. The glass table had been covered in dust and the couch had been all wrinkly from the things Kylo threw on the edge of it. It’s pretty clear that it isn’t used. It's like some modern Italian designer placed his most expensive pieces of furniture in this room and left. And that designer may have been the last person who took a step here. 

Rey sits up again after five minutes. She has to make dinner. 

Once again, the cookbook saves her and by the time it’s around 6 PM, the dinner is finished. Some kind of chicken stew with rice. According to the book, it’s supposed to be filling and full of nutrition. It doesn’t even look as pretty as it does on the photo, but when Rey takes a taste, it tastes rather good. Good enough, at least. 

Then she goes to the bathroom and pukes up her lunch and the spoon-sized stew she tasted. 

No, it wasn’t wrong with the food. It was just Rey. She was not feeling great and even when she washes her mouth and tries to ignore the fact that she just vomited, it’s still not something she can just look away much longer

It was starting to affect her. It was getting closer with time. Yes, she was nervous. So nervous and terrified that she actually threw up. 

In a few hours, she would have to lay on that bed and let Kylo have her. 

God, it shouldn't bother her by now! Just like making breakfast and cleaning the house, having sex with Kylo is just like that. She would just spread her legs, close her eyes and hope he’s finished soon. 

But even convincing herself isn’t enough. Rey breathes heavy and leans over the sink. 

No, it would never be alright. Never be a duty. 

Just a reminder that she is a sex slave. That she is nothing. Not even to Kylo…

At around 6, Kylo arrives. Rey can hear the door creak open, the cold winter wind swimming it’s way into the house and hit Rey’s bare calves before the door closes. Before Kylo can get to the kitchen, Rey places the food on the table and leaves. Hurrying her way to the stairs. 

No, she can’t look at him. She can’t look him in the eyes. Her cheeks are on fire because just this morning she sat on her knees and blew him off. Let him cum in her mouth and she swallowed as they looked into each other with blurry and hazy eyes. 

Rey clenches her thighs together in reflex, feeling an uncontrollable throb. 

Rey takes a shower, getting ready. Running the soap down her body with shaky hands as she tries to calm herself down. It will only take a few minutes, right? She always heard that joke, that 2 minutes is enough before boys cum. Since he wouldn’t please her, he’ll do his and be done fast. 

But he wasn’t a boy. He was a grown man. Really grown. 

Rey guessed around 30. Maybe older too. And she was just 19. 

Add a few years and he could almost be her parent. The thought disturbs her deeply. He is really old for her. Way too old. 

She doesn’t want to keep thinking so she jumps out of the shower, dries her body fast and hurried. Afraid that Kylo opens up the door when she’s standing there completely naked. But, once again, it doesn’t really matter in the end. 

God, she just wants this to be over! She just wants to lay on that bed and clench her eyes hard.

By the door hangs a pink nightgown and she puts it on almost robotically. Rey looks herself in the mirror, and even if her face is bruised and hair newly washed, she looks like a sex doll and she hates it. The top is covered in a rose-colored lace, the straps small and thin. The cleavage is way too deep, just like it’s length. The fabric is shining with its pink satin. 

It’s gorgeous and Rey hates it. She looks herself in the mirror and tries to remember how everything went so wrong. How she just wants to go… 

Rey clenches her eyes hard and places her palm on her forehead. 

Rey wants to think of home and to replay those few happy moments where she ran her hands over the wallpapers at home and slept on that uncomfortable mattress she loved. 

But she doesn't dare. Rey doesn’t dare. Thinking of home never lead to good things with Kylo. It never did.

So Rey doesn’t. 

Instead, she slowly walks towards the bed. The black, smooth covers that she so neatly fixed this morning would get so so wrinkly and this time, there would be no blood. No screaming. No pity. 

She would obey and she would make sure Kylo is pleased. 

Her hands caress the pillow where she so many times cried on, where she slept every night and where she lost her mind.

The door opens and gives away an eerie scream, making Rey raise her head to meet Kylo's eyes. He takes two confident steps towards her, eyes shining with lust but mostly seriousness. Dominance. Rey straightens her back and swallows in nervousness. 

Kylo nods towards the bed. 

“Lay down.” Without questioning, Rey does. With shaky legs, she places her knees on the edge and soon she’s looking up at the ceiling, both her hands clenching the black covers under her for comfort. Clenching her legs together because, of course, she has no panties on. The thought of it makes her whole body turn red in shame, but not before she hears Kylo slowly peel off his clothes. Piece by piece landing gently on the floor and all Rey does is breathe slowly with closed eyes. 

Please, Rey prays. Please, let this go smoothly. Fast. Not hurt as much as the first time. No, nothing would hurt as much as that time. Rey can’t handle more of it. 

But Kylo promised. She has behaved. It won’t be any of that pain anymore. 

The bed shifts beside her and she instantly feels skin, warmth surrounding her. In both fear and curiosity, Rey opens her eyes and sees Kylo hovering over her. Naked. Both his arms beside her head and knees between her legs. His face is only a few inches from hers and the sudden closeness startles Rey, making her blush madly as she takes a deep, shaky inhale. Eyes wide and lips slightly parted. 

“Why so shy, sunshine?”, Kylo asks with a grin, licking his lips hungry as his eyes look down at her lips and all the way to her almost-exposed breast. He dives towards her neck, taking a deep inhale of her soft skin that makes Rey whimper in fear, clenching her eyes hard yet leans back to expose it further. 

“Weren’t so shy this morning, weren’t you?” Rey can feel her knees quiver against each other and her breaths turn heavier when he bits and suck the skin softly. “Swallowing my cum so willingly. Aren’t you a good girl?” One of his hand caresses her neck, big enough to fit around her throat before letting it wander down towards her chest. Resting on the lace covering one of her breasts. Rey cringes hard and resists the urge to push the hand of, but the fear of getting hurt is enough for her to stay still. 

“Y-yes.”, Rey sobs, because she doesn’t understand what she feels when his thumb circle around her nipple poking out from her nightgown. It makes her feel weird.

“Mhm... good girls get rewards.” Before Rey can think, he’s not hovering over her and Rey has to look down to find him down by her legs. He places her feet on the bed, standing on his knees, his hands resting on her calves. Massaging the meat with eyes glowing in the dark. 

Rey’s eyes widen and she lets out a confused sob when he tried to open up her legs, exposing her completely open. 

“N-No, w-what are you-?”, Rey cries, clenching her knees in panic while covering herself with her hands. Looking down at him with panicked eyes. 

“Don’t question me, Rey.”, Kylo grunts angry and Rey lets out a loud sob, letting her head fall back on the pillow as she starts to cry, a lonely tear running down her cheek. R ey whimpers when his hands rest on her inner thighs, spreading her legs like a book. She clenches her eyes hard, her whole body turning red in embarrassment. 

Why couldn’t he just do her and be done? Why did he have to humiliate her like this? He lied to her! She was forgiven, he told that himself, why is he punishing her?!

“P-please...”, Rey whispers, sobbing loudly when she feels his breath hit her naked pussy. “Please-” 

Rey’s breath hitches and her eyes widen when she feels a long lick across her cunt. 

A loud, surprised moan fills the room and it takes several seconds before Rey realizes that it was herself that made that sound. A sound she has never heard herself do before. 

Before Rey can start to panic, because  _ no, sex was not something you enjoy _ , Kylo’s tongue starts to dance around her opening and Rey moan loudly, arching her back automatically. She lets out a cry and this time, it’s caused by pleasure and confusion. 

She can feel Kylo grin against her before he starts to suck on her clit. 

“Oh- Oh God!”, Rey cries, clenching her eyes hard. The grip around the covers getting tighter and moans louder. The tear on her cheeks drying. “K-Kylo!” 

Her call for him isn’t a call of passion, but a call of fear. She doesn’t know what's happening and someone needs to explain her feelings, which is all over the place, and completely numb by his tongue. 

Kylo keeps licking, keeps sucking and the goatee beard he’s growing just adds to the stimulation. And he keeps making magic between her legs for seconds. Minutes. 

Rey cries, she moans. Her legs shake between his head and his forearm press her hip down to keep her still, careful not to touch the bandage. And even through hazy and half-opened eyes, she can see his big hand almost covering her whole stomach and it reminds her how big he is. How small she is. How different their age is. 

It should bother her, bother her by the fact that she’s still a teenager and he’s a grown adult. 

That she’s 19 and he’s around 35. 

Yet, she throws her head back. Letting out a high pitched scream, toes curl and she feels herself getting closer until she’s  _ there _ . A feeling her fingers never have managed to do and a feeling she’ll never forget because it’s so powerful. So good.  

_ So _ addicting. 

It takes several seconds before Rey calms her heavy breathing down, dares to let go of the tight grip from the covers. Dares to open up her eyes again.

She doesn’t have look down again to meet his eyes, he’s already hovering over her again. 

And he looks beautiful. 

It’s not just the way his hair is ruffled and several of slings of hair has escaped his low bun. Nor his plump lips that are wet and shiny, just like his beard-covered chin. 

No, it’s his eyes. They are… soft. 

No, not soft. Kylo isn’t soft. But he isn’t looking at her like she’s the victim he enjoys to torture.

He looks at her like she’s a victim he managed to tame and that’s soft enough for Rey. 

Rey swallows, letting out a shaky exhale when he grins at her and she can feel the blood rush it’s the way to her face. His whole, naked, marble body is caging her in and it makes it more confusing to her. 

“Thank you.”, Rey whispers, licking her lips. She has to thank him. Everything he does is for her and the least she can do is thank him. 

Like Kylo’s proud, he smirks. Putting some hair behind her ear. Almost admiring her and it makes Rey's heart swell. 

“When you disobey me, you get punished. When you obey me, you get a reward. Remember that, Rey.”, he finally says and Rey nods eager. 

She will remember. 

Then he’s suddenly shifting, and before Rey knows it, she can feel his cock against her wet cunt and the sensation makes her whimper in fear. Kylo groans. 

It will hurt. It will probably hurt. Even if a week has passed by, it’s still all sore and stings. But Rey doesn’t dare to protest. Especially after she received something from Kylo. And especially after he looked at her all proud. 

But that doesn’t mean she’s not scared...

“Now, be a good girl,”, Kylo says while shifting his way up, parting her legs more for him to fit. “And enjoy.” 

Rey, almost facing his chest, place her arms under his shoulders and clings around them for dear life. Almost hugging him in fear and comfort, like he’s not the one causing it. Every breath comes in and out shaky and uneven and Rey bits her lips hard as she glues her eyes stuck on the ceiling. 

It will be alright, Rey thinks as she cries when he drags the head across her wetness. Everything will be alright. 

Then he pushed himself inside and the breath is knocked out of her. 

It’s uncomfortable and it stings, caused by both tightness and what he did to her a week ago. But it doesn’t hurt as much as the first time. It’s probably because she’s warmed up. Wet for him. But it’s still not enough. 

Rey breathes through clenched teeth, crying when she feels Kylo groan loudly, resting his head on her shoulder. His hair covers his face, hanging around him like curtains and Rey wants him to see her. See that she’s in pain and wait to move because she doesn’t dare to say it herself. 

But he’s gone in his own pleasure and Rey is reminded once again that she’s just a body. Not a person. 

It makes her sob and she looks down at their bodies, their torsos pressed against each other like glue. 

“Fuck! It’s been so fucking long-”, Kylo mutters for himself before he starts to thrust, and Rey’s eyes widen. 

“W-wait-” She’s interrupted by her own cry, gripping Kylo’s shoulder tighter when he hits her deep inside. It makes her knees shake and stomach to make weird, pleasurable feelings that surprise Rey more than anything. 

Isn’t sex supposed to be hurtful? Isn’t it supposed to be awful? 

Kylo notices her confused, miserable face and she can feel him grin against her shoulder. 

“You like that, huh?”, he whispers into her ears, thrusting faster and faster. Rey clenches her eyes hard and throws her head back. “Look at you screaming for my cock so beautifully. Such a good girl…” 

“Y-yes!”, Rey moans, every movement causing her breath to interrupt. 

“ _ Fuck!  _ So tight, I’ll get you used to me. Only me.” He fucked her ruthlessly, his breath coming out in sharp pants. “Just have to fuck you over and over again.”

The thought doesn’t seem so bad…

Minutes go by and the room is filled with voices. Rey’s moans, Kylo’s dirty whispers and the loud sound of hips slap into each other. It’s a dark, pleasurable cloud in Rey’s head and the only thing she feels is his cock inside of her, his sweaty body against hers and his beautiful lips pressed against her ear. 

Everything is him, just like anything else. It’s overwhelming, scary but mostly fucked up. 

Yeah, Rey is fucked and she knows it. Her whole world is evolving around Kylo and today, fear turned into pleasure and pleasure turned into worship. And soon, everything would become great and perfect and Rey would be stuck into thinking that  _ this _ is how it’s supposed to be and that  _ this  _ is her life now. Because she doesn’t really mind. 

Not when she’s clinging to him and gets fucked and praised so perfectly. It’s just so great. Like the approval she never had, the reward she never got. 

Yeah, Rey is done for. 

A hand creeps it’s way down to where they are connected and rubs her. Soon, Rey sees stars for the second time that night. Eyes clenching and scream echoing in the room. It’s unbelievable and perfect, and for the first time in a  _ long  _ time, Rey feels the muscles in her face move into an unnoticeable, relieved smile.

She falls back into the bed relaxed, breathing heavy and satisfied. 

Then Kylo stills above her and her breath hitch together with his when she feels him empty inside of her, the sensation odd yet sends a shiver up her spine.

Kylo collapse beside her and the cum leaking out of her somehow pulls her to sleep. 

She’s  _ so  _ done for….

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may notice, I did not bring up anything about birth control and stuff like that in this chapter. 
> 
> I thought of it but it would only make the chapter so much longer than it already is and I can't just write a sentence or two about it. It will become a real problem and a battle for Rey and I almost want one whole chapter just of this matter, which will come up in the next chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this and leave your thoughts down in the comment. <333 I always appreciate it


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sry for the late update, but I'm soooo busy and chapters will continue to add but in a slower pace
> 
> god its so late I'm gonna sleep gn

 

Rey woke up alone in her bed that morning when the alarm screamed into her brain, letting her know it’s 8 AM. With just one hard slam, Rey turned the clock of and lets her hand fall out of the bed, slowly sitting up to get ready for the day, brushing away some hair sticking to her forehead. 

Then she threw the cover of her and before leaning forward to stand up, she’s looking down and her eyes widen when she sees the mess between her legs. Ït’s sticky, messy but mostly a reminder of what happened last night. Rey places a hand over her mouth when memories from yesterday pop into her head and instantly feels her cheeks turn red. 

She had screamed, moaned, obeyed Kylo’s dirty words and Rey has never been this ashamed in her whole life. She completely gave in to pleasure, the lust so overwhelming. But also confusing. 

When laying down on that bed, Rey had already made up her mind about sex. A duty, painful and just Kylo’s part would be in question. But it was completely the opposite.

Sure, a duty it was, but it wasn’t painful. Just a while until she adjusted and then it was so perfect and desperate. Rey bites her lips at the memory. 

_A good girl_. What a good girl she is. He told her that many time while fucking her hard, making her back arch like a cat as she panted loudly. 

God, she loved it. Loved how he praised her. 

She tries to ignore the fact that it's probably linked to her childhood. She never got attention or praises like that.

But now… How is she going to face him now? She had to make him breakfast and look him in the eyes, knowing that she cried his name while coming. And he would surely comment it. Bring up her weak points to prove how much influence he had over her and Rey would stand there completely ashamed. He would enjoy it. He loves to torture her. One way or another. 

Rey closes her eyes and lets out a shaky exhale. 

Even if the time is barely enough, Rey wants to take a quick shower. She can’t ignore her body covered in sweat and her sticky thighs. 

So she walks towards the shower carefully, slightly halting. She’s sore. No surprise. Kylo is big. 

Before jumping in, Rey takes off the pink, satin nightgown she still wore and place it on the ground. It still smelled of Kylo’s fragrance and their body fluids combined. 

The water sprays into her hair and drips its way to her body. Rey sighs, leaning her head slowly and letting it fall on her neck. 

While the shower does its job, Rey slowly lets her hand wander over her body. First, her throat, a hickey already planted. Where he sucked and bit while she sobbed. 

Rey shakes her head, trying to clear it. 

Then down to her breast. She still hasn’t exposed them to Kylo, which she is thankful for. He probably wasn’t interested in her tiny boobs and that somehow makes her relieved. She at least has her privacy  _there._

Then her palm stroke her skinny stomach and slowly lets two fingers in between her legs. 

Rey’s eyes fly open. 

Without turning around, she closes the water with the other hand behind her and the raining stops. Leaving her shivering in the shower wet and naked. But Rey doesn’t care. She slowly raises the fingers she placed between her thighs to eye level and a white, shiny paste covers the tip of her fingers. 

Rey breath hitches and a big lump of panic fill her stomach. Eyes already starting to water when it slowly runs its way down her fingers. 

_ Oh, God _ .

How could she have been so stupid?! How could she have forgotten? She isn’t on any kind of birth control and never has. And Kylo didn’t use a condom, the evidence clearly on her finger. He never implied it, she didn’t even though of it. Too scared and nervous to think about pregnancy. Too gone to think that sex is actually for creating babies, and not Kylo’s pleasure. 

Rey body starts to shake in both cold and dread. The awful thought of becoming a mother in this environment scares the shit out of her. Rey thought that the foster system was the worse place to grow up in. 

Oh, how wrong she was. 

She lets out a shaky exhale. No, no she can’t become pregnant. She can’t become pregnant with Kylo’s child. She can’t let that happen. Rey wasn’t in any position to become a mother. She never had one and doesn’t know what to do, but one thing is for sure. 

A mother protects its child. No matter what. 

She can’t do that here. 

No, she couldn’t even protect herself from Kylo, especially when he gets angry. When he’s mad, you could see death in his eyes and the uncontrollable rage that has killed several people and also raped her. It didn’t matter what it was. 

That’s why she can’t raise a child here. Not when he couldn’t control himself. Not when he could lay his hands on it. 

No, if Rey ever had a child with him, she would  _ never  _ let him touch it. 

Beside, Rey’s too young. And where the hell would she give birth? Kylo wouldn’t let her leave, even to a hospital, and how would he explain to the First Order if it comes out? According to them, she’s long dead in the forest. 

But it doesn’t matter, because she’s not having one! She has to make sure a baby will never be born in this house, with an unstable mother and a monster as a father. 

Rey turns on the shower and the fluid on her fingers disappears with the water. 

 

 

Drying her body with a towel, Rey stops by her hips. The bandage taped on her body old and wrinkly. For seconds, all Rey does is stare at it through the mirror she stands in front of. Just looking at it with nothing in her mind than misery. And she can’t stand more reminders of misery. 

With shaky hands, she grabs the edge of it which has lost it’s glue and ability a long time ago. Even if Rey just took a shower, she can already feel herself starting to sweat. Slowly peel it off, the glue on the edges taking the skin with it before falling back to place. Rey pants loudly when inch after inch is revealed, her chest heaving as she looks through the mirror what is hiding under. 

Finally, the whole bandage is off and a heavy inhale Rey didn’t know she held, finally releases. Throwing the bandage away fast before leaning against the sink, closing her eyes as she tries to calm herself down. 

Everything would be alright, she told herself. Everything would be fine. 

After a few minutes, when she’s finally calmed down, she opens her eyes. She slowly lets go of the sink and take one step back. 

Rey feels her whole body turn pale and a big urge to vomit hit her hard. 

The flesh had healed, that was for sure, and it wasn’t red or irritated at all. But it looked like it came straight out of a horror movie. The skin looked stretched, angled into her flesh and not smooth at all. But what bothered her the most was how the K and R were so clear, so visible. You could see it many feet away, the scarring dark and awful. 

Rey’s handshake when she cares the letters, her eyes watering. Knowing that this scar would forever be a part of her. Always be a reminder of that night. 

Suddenly, the need for that emergency pill was stronger than ever. 

No, she would never let a child live in a world with a father like that. 

 

 

The question was easy, the request itself was not. 

Rey has learned, almost three weeks here, that Kylo doesn’t like questions. Didn’t like when question after question would leave her mouth, especially when she first came here. He warned Rey many times not to question him. 

So Rey can’t ask Kylo for birth control. She can’t tell him to  _ please wear a condom?  _ No, it was not a good idea, Rey didn’t want to anger him. 

So what should she do?  _ Command _ him? She might as well slap herself across the face. Kylo seemed to love doing that.  How she would get a hold of birth control would be a challenge, and it would be hard. But one thing is for certain.

She needs an emergency pill,  _ right now _ . She needs to swallow one today. 

Otherwise, she would become pregnant. Rey closes her eyes and thinks of when she moaned when Kylo came inside of her. 

How did she become like this? 

At breakfast, Rey hurries to do something because she’s already late, but is done by the time Kylo comes from the hall. 

Rey holds pancakes in her hands, beautifully placed with syrup and strawberries on top, and place it carefully on the island as she hears Kylo talk on the phone. She looks up at him, wiping her hand on the apron while she swallows in nervosity. 

Kylo listens to the man on the phone with furrowed eyes, lips in a tight line as he unhooks his blazer’s one button before sitting down, totally gone in the conversation and doesn’t acknowledge her at all. 

Rey would have blushed and not been able to look him in the eye after what happened last night. But she doesn’t have time for that. 

Sure, his muscles through the black jacket make Rey recall last night when she clung to them as she screamed his name and it makes her a bit uneasy. She can feel the blood rush its way to her face and her stomach to do a little flip. 

But she shakes her head annoyed. No, she doesn’t have time for that. 

As Kylo keeps listening to the talking man, he finally looks up to meet Rey’s eyes, who instantly gets startled, feeling how it suddenly becomes warmer. With just his eyes, he looks at the chair in front of him and back at her, telling her to sit down. Rey obeys, fixing the dress under her before she does. Then he pushes the plate of pancakes towards her, telling her to eat. 

Rey obliges, eating them slowly with a satisfied sigh while Kylo keeps talking, glancing at Rey before looking at the clock hanging on the wall. It was a long time ago she ate breakfast, a long time ago she felt pleasure eating. 

Dipping her third into the syrup, Kylo finally ends the call, slamming his expensive phone on the marble. 

“Motherfucker talks way too much…”, he mutters under his breath, leaning back to rest on the chair. 

Rey freeze, looking up at him with scared eyes. She forgot about Kylo’s present, to gone in her pancakes and now she has to do this. 

Suddenly she doesn’t want that third pancake, her stomach bubbling in nervosity.  But she can’t just put down an already dipped pancake back with the rest, so she forces herself to eat it. Slowly so Kylo wouldn’t notice her shivering hands.  Rey wanted to shit herself, wanted to just back out so she wouldn’t have to deal with this. But she has to. She has to do it now. 

_ She needs that emergency pill today.  _

“What do you want?” Kylo’s voice makes Rey freeze in panic, the pancake stopping mid-air towards her mouth. Eyes widen in shock, she looks at Kylo who yawns bored. Like reading her mind and knowing she wanted something was just casualty for him. 

“What?”, Rey whispers, putting down her breakfast on the plate. Her whole body buzzing with nervosity. 

“You want something. The way you act tells it all.” He leans forward on the table with one knuckle under his chin, a small smile lingering on his lips. “Couldn’t get enough of yesterday? Want more?” 

Rey breath hitches as she feels her cheeks turn red, embarrassment spreading through her like fire. As Kylo chuckles, Rey remembers her scar. The two-letter that burned into her hip and she can’t be quiet any longer. 

Rey takes advantage of the moment and says what has to be done. 

“I need an emergency pill.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #prayforrey lol


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm sorry for the late update but I've been working and guess what? I have to wake up in five hours isn't that nice :))))))
> 
> Now, please enjoy, mind the tags and continue to #prayforrey
> 
> btw haven't read this through, I'll do it tomorrow so mind my spelling lol
> 
> And sorry for not answering your comments... Haven't found the time but I appreciate every single word, love u guys <3333

 

The air was heavy, tense and a pregnant silence hanged over them after Rey stated her want.  _ Need _ . She looks at Kylo with pleading eyes, gripping her apron for comfort and in anticipation as she tried to find an answer on his stone-hard face, but it didn’t express anything. Not a single feeling. 

That scared Rey more than anything, her hands starting to shake and under lip quivering like a leaf when realization started to hit her. 

“W-we…”, Rey starts, swallowing in pure fear before talking again. She had to be careful. Careful not to offend him. “We didn’t use anything and I d-don’t want to be pregnant-” 

Nothing happens for a long time and more the seconds go by, the more Rey realizes she’s in deep shit. 

Kylo’s eyes suddenly become smaller and he leans on the chair, letting out a big sigh. Rey sobs, knees shaking against each other and her eyes are already watering, because she knows. 

She already knows. 

“Rey.”, Kylo whispers, shaking his head unapproving. “Rey, Rey, my sweet Rey. What makes you think that you know better than I do?” 

Rey freeze and a question hit her head. 

Rey didn’t want children. At least not now. At least not with him. But since when does her wants matter? 

No, the question is if  _ he  _ wants children. Is that... why he never used protection?

A shaky exhale escapes and Rey can’t think straight because panic starts to hit. She knew that she had a deal. Sitting on her knees on the ground in that forest, looking up at Kylo with a gun to her head as she promised him  _ anything _ . Then she didn’t hold that promise, so she got punished for it, but now she has behaved. She has behaved and she will give him anything. 

Wasn’t  _ this _ anything enough? Cleaning, fucking and giving away her freedom in complete silence? Hasn’t he taken enough, what is it more to take?

Her fertility. 

Or it wasn’t a child he wanted. Maybe it was just the fact that he didn’t like when Rey questioned him. Maybe he forgot and Rey reminded him and now he’s angry. She won’t get pregnant and bring a child to this world just because Kylo’s pride was hurt!

If its theory one or two which is right, it doesn’t matter. Rey can’t do it. 

“Kylo, please.”, Rey whispers, walking around the table towards him slowly until she stood by his chair. He didn’t face her, just kept glaring out in space with an unapproving face as Rey started to whimper. “I’m… I’m so young and a baby- a baby can’t live here. With me. I can’t do that to a child, you have to understand Kylo.”

It’s quiet for a long time. Just a silence that was dreadful, awful and the ones you find in scary movies. Rey’s heart was pounding, sweat ran down her body and she couldn’t help let out her heavy breathing. 

Then, he turns her head towards her slowly. Rey could almost hear his neck crack. His eyes small, blank. Face expression filled with nothingness. Just like everything else he reacts to. 

Then he opens his mouth. 

“You don’t question me Rey-” He slams his fist against the table, making Rey jump in surprise as she cries. “You  _ don’t  _ question me, Rey!” 

“I’m sorry Kylo!”, Rey panics when she realizes that he’s getting  _ really  _ angry. He already is but it’s easier to pretend he isn’t there yet. She doesn’t know why, maybe her legs got too weak or she’s just showing submission, but like a dog, she sits down on her knees. She places her hands on his thigh and grips his trousers for dear life as she cries, tears running down her cheeks and heavy sobs escaping her mouth. “Forgive me, please.” Rey swallows in pure horror before opening her mouth again. 

“But I  _ need _ it.”

It turns quiet once again. That horrifying silence that said enough. Rey knew that she would get punished. She know she would regret it the moment it happened but she couldn’t do this. She couldn’t become pregnant. He could drown her, cut her, rape her. He had done all that and she has accepted it. She has accepted his victory. 

But she could not bring an unwanted child to this world. She couldn’t, not when she is one herself. The misery she has gone through, she wishes that on no one. To jump from a foster home after foster home, get beaten, starved and just feeling like a  nuisance  to the world. And Rey couldn’t live with herself knowing she’s given away a child. Because if she had one, she won’t let Kylo touch it. Never even let him see it. And she doesn’t think she would ever be able to look into her baby’s eyes and see Kylo’s instead. 

That’s why she dares to defy him. She rather let herself suffer than a child.

Still standing on her knees, she looks up. Eyes widen as she looks at Kylo, searching for some kind of mercy on his facial expression. 

The only thing she hears is his breath turning heavier and heavier, and despair fills Rey when he turns his head towards her. Nothing but anger, hate and pure rage covering his face.

Rey breath hitch, a lonely tear running from her eye and she already regrets her decision. A part of Rey thought that maybe he wouldn’t punish her after yesterday. After what they shared. 

Oh, how wrong she was. 

  
  


The slap echos against the walls in the living room, and it takes several seconds before the pain spread it’s way on her skin in an intense way, making Rey scream. Tears running down her cheeks as she sobs for dear life. She thinks she’s going to pass out in fear, and not the pain because she cries and sobs so much, air can’t get its way to her lungs. 

“I’m s-sorry, Kylo I’m sorry!”, she screams, her nails clawing into the couch in an attempt to escape. “I’m sorry!” 

“Shut the  _ fuck  _ up!”, Kylo screams through clenched teeth and his loud angry, dark voice startles her enough for her to cry another wave before his hand slaps her again and Rey cries even louder. “What makes you think, for one fucking second, that you know better than me?” 

It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. Rey had planned what to say, planned to keep it light and simple. An easy request that would benefit both of them. 

Instead, Rey, who is so damn scared of punishments, got one. Now she’s pinned down on the couch by the neck, hard into the leather that makes it more difficult to breathe than it already is. Crying and completely without mercy under Kylo’s anger. 

He had gripped her hair violently, making Rey scream in pure fear as he dragged her to the couch. And before she knew it, he sat down, pushed her down with her stomach resting on his thighs and took a hard grip against her neck. With his right, he pushed her maid-dress up, exposing her backside completely. Even though Rey still cried, she could feel her face turn red in embarrassment and she trashed her legs even more in a foolish attempt to escape. 

Then his palm hit her backside and Rey froze in complete shook before pain spread its way, burning like fire and thousands of needles in one go. 

Rey wailed, cried, trashed her body and did everything in her power to escape more spankings but she lost count of how many she received a long time ago. She pleads, Kylo threatens her and everything is fucking Rey up because she’s hurt. 

Not that kind of hurt, though it feels when Kylo hits her. 

No, she’s hurt because she thought that he had... changed. 

Yesterday was the first time they shared an intimacy they both enjoyed, shared pleasure in a way Rey never had done before. The feeling was something amazing and Kylo was the reason. The sex was good,  _ really good _ , but it was the closeness of it that was just  _ amazing _ . Him whispering those words to her, telling her how she’s such a good girl, how amazing she is, how good she feels. That she’s his. 

He said all those things, making her feel wanted. Special. His. 

It was what she never had as a child. And now, she finally had it. Rey was feeling how she slowly grew independent of him. How she worshiped him and saw him like he was her spine holding her body up. 

And it fucks Rey up because this only proves it. Otherwise, she wouldn’t feel such disappointment. She wouldn’t feel so hurt, so sad and miserable. The old Rey is still hiding there inside of her and is witnessing all of this in complete despair. Watching how she slowly grows into a nonindependent woman who can’t survive without Kylo. And the realization of it all fucks Rey up. 

No, he was angry at her and Rey feel like she wants to die in sadness. She thought that something had changed after last night but it hasn’t. She was just a body to him, nothing more. 

Rey can almost hear her heartbreak into thousands of pieces. 

He spanks her four, five, six times more before Kylo pushes her off his lap violently, making Rey fall to the floor with a loud thump. She cries loudly, curling up and covering her face in fear as she shakes intensely. Several slings of hair escaped her bun into a dramatic mess and dress is still draped up to her waist, but she doesn’t care. Just wailing loudly at the fact that Kylo doesn’t feel for her the way she feels for him. Through cryings and shaking body, she hears Kylo stand up and leave to the kitchen.

Even though Rey’s backside hurt, eyes were swollen and throat sore, she opens her eyes and sits up against the best as she can, looking after him in panic when she sees him snatch his jacket hanging over his chair. 

“W-where are you going!?”, Rey screams, trying to stand up without succeeding. “D-don’t go Kylo, I’m sorry! I’ll give you as many babies as you want just don’t leave me!” Rey falls to her knees and she cries horribly when she sees that he doesn’t even react. Seeing him leave just like everyone else in her life does. 

Like every damn foster parent, she thought loved her, who promised to adopt her before throwing her away just like her biological ones. 

No, no one cares for Rey. Not even Kylo and Rey's vocal cord almost burst when she hears the door slam after him. Proving that nothing had changed. Not after yesterday. Not after being stuck here. 

No, her life would never stop this evil circle. The universe hates her just like everyone does. Just like old Rey does. And Unkar. And her real parents. And other parents. 

And even Kylo. 

Rey throws her head back, clenching her fists hard as tears stream down her cheeks. Every in- and exhale containing a sob that made it harder for Rey to breathe but she doesn’t care. Can’t calm herself down.

Kylo hates her and Rey wants to die. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we see clearly how Rey has become this fucking mess who can't depend on anyone but Kylo, not even herself which she has her whole life. How her childhood effects it and how desperate she is for someone to simply "be there" for her too. 
> 
> I'll love to hear your comments about this chapter! So don't be afraid to leave one 
> 
> Love, Lenkia~


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys, I'm working, will be leaving for a vacation soon and have writer's block, great. Just great. 
> 
> Not sure if a chapter will come in a loooooong time, this one is extra long just for you, like, 1000 more words than I usually do per chapter, so please enjoy <3

 

Rey can’t clean. She can’t cook. She can’t do anything. 

She thinks she’s heartbroken, otherwise, she wouldn’t feel this way. Feel this miserable. She would’ve wiped the table and prepared some food to Kylo when he arrived from work and give him a blowjob as forgiveness. 

But it doesn’t matter. He’s not coming back. He’s gone. Won’t come back. 

Just like everyone else, he left. 

Rey takes a shaky inhale, hugging the pillow harder as she closes her eyes. She can’t remember when she stopped screaming, when she calmed down or when she got to her bed. But right now, nothing matters. She’s lying on it, on the side to let her butt rest. It stings, but Rey barely acknowledges it. The only thing she thinks of is Kylo. 

Her God, her Guardian, her only stability in life is gone. She’s nothing without him. 

She’s been abandoned before but this is different. He recreated her into his doll, making himself her master and then he left. Even after what they shared yesterday. 

That hurt differently. 

Rey feels the tears escape her eyes, wetting the pillow. 

Yeah, the universe hates her. 

Too gone in her misery, Rey doesn’t hear the front door creak open. Doesn’t hear the heavy steps coming up the stairs. Doesn’t hear his footsteps when his shoes hit the floor.  

Doesn’t hear when he calls her name. 

“Rey.” It’s determined, hard. Specific. Rey thinks she’s hallucinating and sobs even more. “ _ Rey. _ ” 

Finally, Rey looks over her shoulder slowly and her breath hitches when she sees Kylo standing there. Instantly, her eyes widen in panic and she sits up on the bed. Heart pounding when she looks up at Kylo before looking at the clock. It’s barely 1 PM. Did he not go to work today? 

“Kylo.”, Rey whispers, wiping her tears hurriedly. Feeling her hands shake when he keeps looking at her like that. The same facial expression he had that wasn’t angry or grinning. His eyes bored, mouth in a straight line and just complete nothingness that was impossible to read. Rey doesn’t know what to do, because he’s  _ back  _ but is he still angry and what the hell she’s just crying in her bed instead of cleaning or cooking will he punish her again she can’t handle it-

Then suddenly, he takes out a bouquet from behind his back and Rey drops her jaw. 

It takes several seconds to understand what she’s seeing. Kylo. Holding flowers. Giving them to her. Rey looks at the flowers, admiring the beautiful colors and shapes that shines so perfectly it almost seems fake. But they aren’t. 

With widened eyes, Rey glance up at Kylo who still stands there with the bouquet still reached for her, like a statue almost. His face expression has not changed at all. And somehow, even with his cold-dead eyes and impersonal giving of the flowers, it almost seems that this is Kylo’s way of asking for... forgiveness. Forgiveness after he spanked her and left her.  

Many things happen inside of Rey’s body. Confusion, sadness and also...

She doesn’t know what to do besides taking the bouquet from Kylo with shaking hands, her breath heavy and uneasy. She sees now that they’re expensive. How many times hasn’t she passed by those fancy flower shops and rolled her eyes at the ridiculous price? But now, she was holding them. 

She takes a sniff of them before she starts to sob. Heavy tears running down her eyes as she continues to analyze the flowers, crying loudly even in front of Kylo who she doesn’t dare to look at. He’ll maybe be angry at her, annoyed to the core but she can’t control her tears. 

“Why are you crying?” His voice is hard and uncaring but Rey looks up at him and gives him the smallest smile ever. 

“Because,”, she sniffs. “Because I’m happy.” 

She is. Rey is. He was asking for forgiveness. He bought her flowers. But most importantly, he came back. He didn’t leave her, he didn’t abandon her like everyone else. 

He came back for her. He held his promise. She was his. She was a good girl. 

And to Rey, nothing else mattered. Not that he spanked her. Not that he told her those awful words. Because she has been through that before. Been through awful shit but they always left. 

Kylo didn’t. 

Those thousands of pieces her heart broke into suddenly got fixed with some kind of superglue and her heart was beating again. Even faster now, when she looked up and saw him there, glaring at her crying with a ridiculous smile on her face. 

“T-thank you, I love them!”, Rey laughs between sobs, drying her tears while admiring her flowers. Her bouquet. She would save them, even when they dried up or molded. She would never throw this away. Kylo’s first gift to her. 

Feeling happy, bubbly and wanted, Rey places the flowers beside her and stands up on the bed on her knees. Looking at Kylo in the eye the whole time until she faced his chest, the closest she could reach face leveled before hugging him hard. The overwhelming feeling of not being alone making Rey shake in pure happiness and a feeling she cannot explain. But it’s a feeling of being loved, wanted and his.  _ Not  _ abandoned.

Kylo doesn’t hug her back, his arms hanging on the side as Rey leans into him. Her heart is racing when she digs her face into his stone-hard chest, her short arms not being able to meet behind his back. She grabs his blazer instead, anything to be able to get closer to him and Rey close her eyes and takes a deep breath of him. The smell of Kylo, pine, man. Safety. 

Yes, she was his. He didn’t leave, he came back for her. That’s more than anyone had done for her. That means yesterday wasn’t just a feeling. Something had happened between them emotionally during sex. They had connected and Rey felt so wanted when he whispered those words in her ear. 

So she was right, then. He just got a bit angry, that’s all. This was just a fight. Everyone fights.

Many seconds go by before Kylo place one big hand around her waist, bringing her even closer against his body than possibly and Rey feels her eyes widen and cheeks turn red when he drags his other hand down to her behind. His hand creeps it way under her dress and Rey is quiet until she winces when his hand caresses her ass carefully. 

“Sunshine, you know how I get when I turn angry, right?”, he whispers, making Rey shiver as she clenches her teeth, holding in her sobs when he keeps making circles with his palms. 

“Y-yes, but it’s okay.” It’s Rey fault, anyways. She knew damn well he can’t control his anger. 

Kylo hums, letting go of her ass which Rey sighs in relief. It hurts so much and Rey doesn’t dare to complain. Not after receiving flowers. 

But suddenly, he’s taking a hard grip of her chin and Rey lets out a shaky inhale in surprise when he forces her to look him in the eyes, their face barely inches from each other. Rey blushes intensely but doesn’t dare to break eye contact, and when Kylo is smirking like that it makes it hard not to stare. His eyes are shining with lust and dominance, but the way he forces their lips so close tells him he wants something more. 

Rey is so happy to give it to him. 

“Tell me, Rey,”, Kylo says with a dark voice, lifting her chin some more. Rey’s eyes half-closed, vexed in his presence. “Who do you belong to?” 

Rey’s hard grip of his blazer turns tighter and her heart is racing when she realizes that Kylo is so fucking beautiful. His raven hair, fair skin, and dark eyes. 

Pink lips. 

“You.”, Rey whispers, leaning forward. “I’m yours.”

Their lips meet in a soft kiss, a kiss Rey in a million years would never guess Kylo was capable of. It was almost like he was massaging his lips against hers, making sure that it was tender and innocent. Rey had kissed before on those few dates she went on, just a small peek on the lips. Never made out with anyone though, not the way this kiss seems to be heading. 

Even though she had kissed before, she’ll make sure Kylo will never know about it. It’s safer that way. 

But besides those kisses just lasting a second, they had never made her feel this way. Feel wanted and so loved. 

Kylo leans out, grinning at her and Rey sighs disappointed, opening her eyes to look at him.

“Do you want another kiss?”, Kylo asks with a whisper and Rey nods eager. 

“Yes, please.” He chuckles before he does, and Rey moans into the kiss, opening her mouth just a bit to let his tongue caress her overlip, making her shiver into his chest. 

For only a minute, Rey can fantasize when they keep kissing so magically. She can fantasize that this situation isn’t the case. 

No, she’s just left after a shift at Jakku’s, searching for her phone in her bag then suddenly crash into a beautiful man who apologizes but doesn’t forgive himself until he takes Rey out for a date. And they do, several dates actually and they giggle and laugh together over a glass of wine in some fancy restaurant they both really can’t afford and just when Rey’s about to leave, he takes a grip of her wrist and drags her towards him dramatically. And then they kiss. Just by the walkway in the middle of the city, the streetlight lighting the atmosfear up in the middle of the night while it snows around them. It’s so romantic and so damn normal. 

All Rey wants is normal.

Then suddenly Kylo pushes them both into her bed and Rey is snapped out from her fantasy. Breath heavy, she opens her eyes and realizes she’s sitting on top of Kylo, who is leaning against the wall by the bed, both her thighs bent beside his own. 

Before she can think, he’s gripping her dress and takes it off her, making Rey whimper as she tries to understand what’s happening. She doesn’t want to straddle him completely naked, in the middle of the day when it’s not dark. He’d see everything of her but it’s not her choice, either. 

Rey swallows in pure embarrassment, avoiding eye contact when the dress is off her. Sitting in his lap with nothing but panties on, her small chest exposed to him. Before Rey starts to cry in shame, his silence just dreadful, Kylo bends down and takes a long lick of her nipple. Rey moans loudly, throwing back her head as she places her arms around his neck. The sensation of his tongue and his fingers playing with the other making Rey uneasy, her mind turning to a complete wonderful mess. 

“Fuck, so beautiful…”, Kylo says against her nipple, his breath tickling the wet spot as Rey moans with a smile on her face, the comment making her bloom inside. 

Without thinking, Rey places her hands under his blazer and push it off from his shoulder hurriedly, wanting desperately to see his beautiful marble-body. Like she’s yearning for air, Rey opens up his shirt button after button with shaking hands fast, the feeling of wanting him bigger than ever. Kylo looks at her hands too while massaging her ass, but Rey doesn’t even acknowledge the pain. Soon, she pushes it off his shoulders too, and runs her hand over his abs, biting her lips when they flex under her fingers. 

This was big. This was the first time Rey’s ever made an action towards Kylo. She had never initiated anything, never really wanted Kylo the way he wanted her before. But now, she wants him. She  _ needs _ him. Her pussy is throbbing with want, wet and ready for Kylo, his erection pressed right into her. 

Rey is horny for him, but she’s more horny for intimacy. For closeness and connection, the mental part of it. She wants to be close to him, to share feelings with him. She just wants him, especially after their kiss. 

Yes, kissing was the best part. It felt the most real. The best emotional part of this. Rey wants to kiss him again. She’ll do anything to kiss him again. 

Soon, Kylo opens up his trousers and takes his dick out, placing his hand under Rey to lift her over him. Rey places her arms around his neck, their naked chest pressed against each other. Rey breathes heavy when she feels him poking into her, nervous it’ll hurt since they never have done this position before. But she likes it so far. She’s closer to Kylo this way and laying on her back would only put more pressure on her behind. 

Kylo press Rey down and Rey bites her lip, closing her eyes when she’s slowly sinking into him. Kylo groans loudly into Rey’s ear, pushing up into her fast which makes Rey sob loudly in both pleasure and surprise. 

It doesn’t take long before Rey is bouncing into Kylo, the room being filled with Rey’s cries. The metal of his pants digging into her ass and sweat covering their bodies, but both are completely gone in pleasure. Rey leans out for a bit, panting loudly as she looks at Kylo whose eyes are closed and lips parted in concentration. Slings of hair glued onto his forehead and cheeks slightly tinted. So fucking beautiful. 

Still moving, Rey cups his face with both her hands and blush when he opens his eyes, his hands gripping the meat by her hips harder. 

“K-Kylo?”, Rey pants between moans, making sure she doesn’t stop. “C-can I kiss you?” 

“See, Rey?” Kylo takes a grip of her chin, forcing her to look at him. It’s supposed to be imitating but Rey doesn’t acknowledge it. “See how you keep asking for stuff after I’ve been nice once? That’s no good, sweet Rey.” 

“Please, just-” Rey moans, gipping his shoulders hard. “Just once. Just one more time.” 

Kylo becomes quiet and that’s enough for Rey. She stops moving and leans forward to kiss him. Capturing his lips desperately before Kylo takes the upper hand, pressing her head closer by placing his hand on her neck. Their tongues dance with each other, saliva running down Rey’s chin and she can’t stop moaning. Can’t stop her heart almost exploding in her chest. It feels so unreal to her, that he brought her flowers and lets her kiss him. 

Rey finally feels so happy. Happier than she’s been in a long time. Happier than when she was free and working her ass off for nothing.

She had Kylo now and that made her so happy. 

Kylo leans out from the kiss, making Rey whimper.

“Enough.”, he says against her lips. Rey gives him one small peek anyways. “ _ Enough _ , Rey.” 

Rey lets out a disappointed cry and hides her face into his neck, pressing her lips against his neck instead before moving. 

It doesn’t take long before breaths hitches and moans become louder, Kylo placing his arms around her waist and Rey hugging his body tighter. Sweat drips down her forehead, even though it’s Kylo who does more work than her, pounding into her like a madman but she doesn’t mind. 

She doesn’t care what he does to her, because he owns her and she’s okay with that. 

One, twice and a third thrust is enough before Kylo freeze in place, groaning into Rey’s ear loudly, filling her up with his semen. The whole sensation makes Rey follow after, coming intensely as her legs shake in both exhaustion and pleasure. Crying into his skin, digging her nails into his shoulder. It is even better than the last time. Even closer and even more passionate. 

_ Perfect _ .

Rey slump against Kylo with a huff, breathing heavy with half-closed eyes as she places her head on his shoulder, still hugging his body. Even if he’s softened inside of her and cum is slowly leaking out on him. Kylo does the same, huffing loudly before slowly releasing his arms around her waist, dragging his hands by her waist and with his left hand, dragging his thumb over the two letters carved into her skin. The K and R. 

Even though the action is almost relaxing, it only seems to remind Rey of who she permitted to decide over her body and life. Who she loves. 

She swallows in anxiety and looks over her shoulder gently, seeing the bouquet on the floor, long forgotten. Tears fill her eyes.  

Rey is happy. She is so fucking happy that she doesn’t care that Kylo won this fight too. Even if it went against everything Rey holds. She’s happy. And it’s just… 

It’s just that it makes Rey feels so fucking ridiculous.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo fkn curious!! Did you like this chapter or not? Did you expect this? or not? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! TELL ME
> 
> Leave a comment and let me know c: Love you all <33
> 
> ~Lenkia


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for such nice comments! My vacation has been amazing and it only adds to it when I get such lovely comments and tips on how to ease my writer's block! 
> 
> I love you guys so so much <33

 

“Okay boys, welcome to our first gathering!”, Rose sings happily to the boys sitting on the chairs by the table in the kitchen, looking up at the journalist who’s standing with a board ready to be written on. There were snacks on the table, nuts, and beer that Rose had brought with herself but it was left untouched. 

Finn didn’t mind Rose being all excited, bringing snacks and a board. He just hoped she was excited to find Rey rather than having her first gathering. “I’m glad you could make it, especially you Finn.” 

“Where... where at Finn's, why wouldn’t he make it?” Poe asks with raised eyebrows. 

“I don’t know, I just thought with collage and all-”

“It- it doesn’t matter!”, Finn says, shaking his head annoyed. “I took a break. I’m not going back until I find Rey.” 

"You did?", Rose asks surprised. 

“Why?”, Poe questions shocked at Finn with widen eyes. “Rey wouldn’t have wanted that Finn-”

“It doesn’t matter!”, Finn repeats loudly before Rose raise both her hands in panic. 

“Okay, we need to calm down here!”, she demands, closing her eyes before sighing. Both of the men look at each other apologetic before the journalist sits by the table defeated. Placing her hand on her forehead. “This is going to be hard, guys… But we have to do it. For Rey’s sake.” They both nod agreeing. 

“I still don’t know why all  _ this _ was necessary for…”, Poe adds, pointing at the snacks and the boards with not a single word written on it. Rose sighs, scratching her head. 

“I don’t know.” She tilts her head. “It’s my first time doing an investigation, I just got carried away.” 

“It’s alright.”, Finn assures, not happy that this is totally going in the wrong direction. “Back to Rey,  _ please _ .” He glares at the officer annoyed, who clears his throat embarrassed. 

“Exactly.  _ Rey _ . That’s why we’re here.”, Rose continues. She stands up, posture straight like the journalist she is. She points two fingers at them. “Two days have gone by since we last meet at Jakku Café. We all agreed that finding Rey Niima was our ultimate goal and we need to start our mission now. We don’t have much time.” 

“Okay, so how do we start?”, Poe asks, leaning back on his chair with his arms crossed. 

“We don’t jump right into the volcano if we say so. We start slowly. We gather…” Rose turns around, her back blocking the word she writes on the whiteboard before revealing the one word. “Information.”, she says satisfied, ringing in the 11 lettered word. 

“Information,  _ right _ .”, Finn sighs, placing his fingers over his mouth in thinking. “What type of information?” 

“Everything evolving Rey since the day she went missing. And a few days before that too.” Rose points at Poe. “Not only that, Poe will gather information about this ‘First Order’ and cases that seem similar to Reys. I will try to do the same, but more into the… dirty stuff. Y’know, the journalist way.”, Rose winks. Nobody dares to question what that really means. 

“What about me?”, Finn asks, confused. “What am I supposed to do?” The last thing Finn wants is to feel useless. He couldn’t even get the whole police station to help her. 

“Oh, just… be here.”; Rose says, hesitating. Both her and Poe looking at Finn whose eyes widen. 

“What- Just-”, Fin stutters. “Do- do I  _ look  _ like I want to drink beer and snack on nuts while my best friend is missing?!”, Finn burst out, standing up in anger. 

This was truly getting ridiculous, they had been doing nothing but exclude him in something he started. And he doesn’t care, he would save Rey no matter what. Sure, he was kind of useless, since he had no access to cases or ‘journalist’ methods, but he had to do something.

“Finn, I’m sorry.”, Rose whines. “But we still need you! We need someone who understands Rey. So when we get stuck with ‘Did she do this-or-that’-questions, you’re there to help.”

“Really Finn, we need you.”, Poe adds and Finn looks at him shocked. Like a high school girl, Poe blushes and turns his head. 

_ God, he still thinks about that?  _

  
  


_ “Rey hangs with you a lot, right?”, Poe asked for the fifth time that day, both him and Finn sitting behind the building where the janitor had dumped a big piece of wood that they sat on. Finn glanced at Poe annoyed, sighing loudly as Poe chewed on his candy, those sour long ones. Poe asked if he wanted some but he didn’t.  _

_ He just wanted to finish his homework that he has to turn in next period but Poe won’t shut up about Rey. This little place was supposed to be calming. That’s what Poe said, anyways. He showed both Rey and Finn the piece of wood pressed against the wall and confessed that he came here when he wanted to get away from everyone. It wasn’t easy being popular in high school, and not easy when no one of Poe’s ‘friends’ really was. He had confessed that right at this place and both Finn and Rey looked at each other in shock. They had been getting closer with Poe for the last few weeks and he was always so happy and so smug like he owned the freaking school cafeteria. _

_ Then suddenly, he just... Said the truth. _

_ “Wow.”, Rey had said when they walked home. Finn glanced at her, still pushing his bike by the handles as Rey sighed loudly. “Poor Poe. I can’t imagine living with friends who don’t care for me.” Then she had looked at Finn and smiled at him so big, so big.  _

_ “Thank God I have you!”  _

_ “She isn’t really, like, your girlfriend or anything?” That’s it. Finn slammed his homework on the ground and Poe jumped with a scream, almost choking on his candy when Finn pointed the pen at him like he was threatening him with a weapon.  _

_ “Okay, that’s it!”, Finn hissed, waving around with it and Poe, for some reason, lifted his arms in the air afraid and shocked. “Are you trying to get to Rey through me? Huh? Is that what you had planned all along?” _

_ Rey is fucking beautiful and has sadly, always attracted douchebags to her. Poe wouldn’t be an exception. Rumors went that Poe was a fuckboy, the classic one. Texting with a lot of girls, hooking up with them, you name it. Finn had never really thought of it until now when Poe suddenly for the last few days got so excited to know about Rey and her relationship with Finn. The wheels in Finn's brain started to move and weird theories came through.  _

_ Had Poe planned this friendship with them just to get closer to Rey? Why would he go through all this trouble? _

_ Then Finn reminds himself that Poe is a fuckboy and  _ boy  _ what they don’t do for  _ it _.  _

_ “W-what?”, Poe stammers, looking actually… believably confused. “What are you talking about?” _

_ “Why are you so interested in Rey's relationship with me? We are best friends, nothing else! Why don’t you just ask her out instead of tiptoeing around the subject?” Then Poe suddenly looks like he understands, his mouth turning into a straight line, face turning red like a tomato and his breath hitch. Stuck in his throat.  _

_ Finn smiles smug, proud of himself that his theory was correct. He puts down his pen and sighs.  _

_ “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to do my homework. And if you’re interested in Rey, then just ask her-" _

_ Finn got interrupted by a pair of lips pressed against his.  _

_ It was a quick one, not for romance but for proving Finn’s theory wrong. Finn dropped his pen, his eyes widen and he looked at Poe who seemed determined, yet his whole face turned red in embarrassment and Finn was sure that they matched.  _

_ “It’s not Rey I’m interested in…”, Poe whispered and it took a few seconds before Finn’s brain started to function again and the realization of what just happened to him hit him hard. _

_ Is Poe Dameron not straight?  _

_ Did he just come out? _

_ Is he… interested in Finn?  _

_ Finn didn’t do much, he just started at Poe like he saw a ghost, or just going through the fact that the most popular kid in school kissed him. But either way, as much as Finn was confused, Poe was ashamed. He must have thought that Finn’s shock was disgust and it made Poe just stand up and leave.  _

_ They ignored each other through whole high school until Poe graduated. It was just that Poe didn’t dare to look Finn in the eye and Finn was just so confused about the whole thing that he rather avoided it. Rey had been super confused about the whole thing but she knew that something had happened. She just never mentioned it.  _

_ Now that Finn thinks about it, it was Rey who introduced Poe to Finn. Rey was the one who brought them together in high school. Then, she did it again.  _

_ History repeats itself. Finn just wished it had happened during much… better circumstances.  _

 

 

“I’ve found crazy stuff, guys.”, Rose almost whispers when they sit by Finn's kitchen table two days after their first gathering. This time there was no beer or nuts on the table, just paper and folders layered on each other with three determined faces. “Like, really nasty shit.”

Finn swallows in an attempt not to vomit. He doesn’t want to hear this, really. But he would do anything for Rey, and that includes listening to Rose talk about this group's nasty shit. 

“Then let’s hear it. ”, Poe says, leaning forward.

“Yeah, go on.”, Finn almost rasps out. Rose nods and lifts up the first folder. 

“As a journalist, we have been thought early that the source is the beginning of finding what you are looking for. So, basically; Rey is kidnapped by a group and that's it. That’s the only thing we know. But we have to look at the  _ whole  _ picture and ask ourselves a different question. Where does this all start? How deep does this go? What group is this?”

Poe nod with concentration, like he’s used to hearing a someone talk with such passion and confidence in her work. Finn is more impressed by that than anything, but he has to concentrate.

“So I asked around, did the journalist way, etc and found out pretty much about the First Order. They’re a group who does organized crimes. Like the mafia, they have territories and this city is one of them. And they moved in like, 5 years ago. That’s very recently.” Rose opens up one of the folders and reads from the first page. 

“So the organization itself has been alive for almost decades. And the leader is someone called Snoke. He’s an old man who’s very respected and has never been seen by anyone if not his workers, so he’s  _ really _ hard to get to. One of his closest men is a man called Armitage Hux.” Under the first layer of paper, Rose takes out a photo and shows both Poe and Finn a picture of the man. Completely unaware, the red-headed man walks down the street with two bodyguards behind him with such confidence as the photos are being snatched. 

Finn doesn’t like him. Just his smile sends a shiver up his whole spine and it’s enough to know that this man is  _ not _ a nice guy.

“He pretty much does the stuff for Snoke, like business, meetings and such. But  _ not _ the physical part.” Rose takes out another folder of pictures and Finn shivers when he looks at the man on it, and his guts tell him that this man is not to play with. 

Just like the Armitage guy, the pictures are taken secretly with a really big man walking down the street with a phone pressed to his ear. Apart from the red-haired dude, this man doesn’t smile. He has a deadly expression on his face, eyes that are coal-black with something poisonous. Wearing expensive, tight-fitting tuxedos, you could see his muscles through the fabric and he is  _ strong _ , only making Finn feel more anxiety. 

“This is Kylo Ren. He does the  _ dirty business _ for Snoke and is also his closest man, being the next man to run the First Order after Snoke, if not Armitage gets to it first.” Rose points at the man once again and looks at both Finn and Poe with serious eyes. 

“The other workers run the Orders businesses and does mission. But this guy  _ only  _ role is to clean after Snoke's shit and mistakes. If someone knows where Rey is, it’s him.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little break from Rey and Kylo...
> 
> How do we feel about Finn and Poe's secret? Let me know in the comments <33


	19. Chapter 19

 

It’s time for breakfast, but when Kylo decides it’s not, then it’s not. 

Rey was cooking breakfast, tired and completely sore from last night when she heard Kylo walk in. With her back towards him, Rey continued to ignore him as she cut some tomatoes, her cheeks turning completely red. Last night, it was something different. Well, it’s always different now. Ever since Kylo gave Rey the flowers, the sex had been consensual from Rey’s part, making the whole thing so much better. And they always had it after dinner. Just like Kylo wanted to. 

So when Kylo stood right behind Rey, so damn close, Rey felt her eyes widen and she stopped to cut the vegetables.

“Good morning, sunshine.”, he whispers into Rey’s ear and if she wasn’t red before, she was now. Just like the color of the tomato she’s cutting. His voice was filled with sexual desire, the voice that always whispered into her ear after dinner in the bed. Not in the mornings in the  _ kitchen! _

Rey’s breath hitch and she pressed her palms on the kitchen counter when she feels him press his erection against her ass, feeling it so perfectly even when both of them are clothed. 

“Why are you acting so shy, huh?”, Kylo says, his hand placed on her breast before slowly running down to her pussy, making Rey breath heavier, a smile covering her face. “Didn’t know you were such a talker, sweet Rey. You surprised me last night.” She whimpers and before she knows it, Kylo turns them both around and Rey is suddenly pressed against the kitchen island, her legs hanging and hands gripping the edge. With widened eyes and uneasy breathing, Rey feels how Kylo hitches her dress over her body and push down her underwear hurriedly, making Rey cry in both surprise and desire. Kylo had never made any attempt to fuck her so early in the morning, nor has he been so desperate like this. 

Within seconds, Rey screams when Kylo slams into her wet cunt with a loud groan, pressing his upper body on her back. With both his hands gripping the edge beside her, he presses his head on her shoulder as Rey whimper in both pleasure and happiness. 

“Sing for me, Rey. Just like you did yesterday.”, Kylo demands through clenched teeth into Rey’s ear. Completely thrown off by the sudden action of Kylo, the only thing Rey can do is to moan with every thrust. Trying to remember what she was told to do. 

Rey was happy. She was. Ever since that day Kylo gave her the flowers, it has been more than good. Rey kept following her orders. Wake up, make breakfast, clean, make dinner and have sex. The last part was the part she dreaded the most before. Now, it’s cleaning. She hates cleaning. 

No, the sex was something that made her stomach buzz in nervosity. Because Kylo hadn’t changed after he gave her the flowers. One month has passed since and Rey had learned a lot during that month. The day after, he had acted like he always did. Blank face, teasing her and pinned her down to the bed dominantly. Rey shouldn’t have been surprised, but she was. She wished somewhere deep that Kylo who had given her flowers and let her kiss him would be an eternity. 

It wasn’t. No, Rey has analyzed. She has done that a lot during the month, probably because she dares more now. And she’s bored since the house is so damn clean. 

Sometimes Kylo would have good days, and other times, bad. She could see that right away. 

Having a good day resulted in a greeting after work, a bit reminding of who she belongs to by assaulting her with words, a big smile on his face and later, playful sex.  Dirty whispering, teasing her when he saw how she tried to be quiet. Rey always felt ashamed, because she loved how he fucked her so perfectly and he knew that and would just make her blush the next day at breakfast. 

But it was alright because it was all worth it by the end. Yes, because after they both orgasmed, Rey would open her eyes and expect her kiss. Kylo would look at her and wait for her to take it, which she always did. She would lean forward and take his lips into hers and her heart would pound and toes tickle and everything was just  _ perfect.  _

The kiss felt like a prize or an award for good behaving that Kylo gave to her. He knew how much she liked kissing him, so he used it for his advantage. He never teased her about it, never mentioned it at breakfast. Just so it wouldn’t ruin her award that she longed for. That kept her motivated. 

The thought makes Rey want to cry, so she pretends that Kylo lets her kiss him out of love. It’s easier for the heart to pretend.  

Then he had his bad days. They weren’t often, but they were awful. Happened a few times. The moment he slammed the door shut after himself Rey would freeze in fear and feel the sweat run down her spine. His eyes would burn, jaw clenched and everything was suddenly a ticking bomb that could make him explode any second. It resulted in a few slaps across her face here and there. Rey remembers that day she cooked some really fancy stew and Kylo instead took a hard grip of her wrist and dragged her to the bedroom. Rey cried when he threw her on the bed and told her  _ no fucking dinner tonight. _

He fucked her hard, not gentle and playful at all. Just selfish, one-sided sex that only reminded Rey of  _ that  _ night and she could almost feel the knife in her skin. 

So she just closed her eyes as she cried quietly. 

When he was done, he put on his clothes and no kiss was waiting for her. He’d leave her room and Rey would press her face against the pillow and cry. She would cry and cry until it was 8 AM and time to get up for breakfast. 

Then Kylo would greet her in the mornings. 

“Good morning, sunshine.” With puffy eyes, Rey turned around and blushed with a smile, like a teenage girl with a crush. She was so happy that he wasn’t angry at her anymore and she would feel all bubbly the whole day. Like nothing happened, yesterday was forgotten. Rey was just happy that his good days were back again. 

She tries to convince herself that he can’t control himself when he’s angry. That he loves her. 

Once again, it’s easier for the heart to pretend. 

Rey is taken back to reality when Kylo suddenly takes a hard grip of her hair, snatching her head back sharply to speak directly into her ear, pounding into her altogether as Rey arch her ass, her eyes rolling in pleasure. 

“K-Kylo.”, Rey cries as he breathes loudly into her ear. 

“Fucking  _ talk _ , Rey!”, Kylo spits through clenched teeth. “Who the fuck do you belong to?”

Rey had always been quiet in bed, always trying to hold her moans and cries. Yesterday, she didn’t. She screamed her desires, his name, everything. 

She didn’t know it would turn Kylo on this much. 

“You! Only you Kylo, no one else. I belong to you.”, Rey screams, the grip she has around the edge only turning tighter, her knuckles becoming white. 

“Fuck yeah, you do! Say my fucking name, Rey.” 

“Kylo- Kylo!”, Rey moans loudly, closing her eyes as she searches for her orgasm, her legs quivering and toes curling. 

Kylo suddenly starts to nibble on the fragile skin of her throat before taking a hard bite, and it’s enough for Rey. With no shame, she cries Kylo’s name loudly. Her whole body tensing as she can feel Kylo still over her, his breath hitching against her skin as his semen fill her up, the sensation making Rey shiver in pleasure. 

Seconds go by, both breathing heavy. Letting the feeling of the post-orgasm run through them before Kylo pulls out suddenly, making Rey gasp in surprise. Even if his cum is leaking out of her, Kylo still puts on her underwear, caressing her two letters on her hips for a few seconds before pushing down her dress. 

Without any struggle, he lifts Rey and puts her back on the floor. Her legs still shaking, she slowly turns around with red cheeks and eyes shyly looking up at the man she loves, his face flushed yet serious. He drags his hand through his hair unbothered and looks at the clock on his wrist.  

“I’m fucking late.” Rey’s eyes fly open and in a panic, she takes a grip of his wrist.

“My- My kiss!”, she cries and Kylo looks at her with a raised eyebrow, only making her heart race faster. No, he wouldn’t go without kissing her. She deserves that, at least. For cleaning and cooking all day. 

With nothing to say, Kylo leans down and Rey raises up on her toes and kisses him. A fast, yet deep kiss that makes her moan as she drags her palm over his chest. It somehow drags out a groan from Kylo, which excite Rey more. A hand takes a grip of Rey’s hair and, once again, snatch her head back, making Rey’s breath hitch when Kylo places a soft kiss on the bite he left on her. It makes Rey’s legs uneasy and she lets out a heavy breath. 

Her lips in a goofy smile. 

Then he lets go of her and takes his jacket hanging on the chair. 

Then he’s gone. 

The door closing after him is the tune that tells Rey to calm down. He’s not here anymore and before she falls, she leans against the table she got fucked on and lets out a shaky breath, placing her hand on her mouth. 

That was intense. Really fucking intense. She can feel the cum leak out of her, pooling in her panty and it’s almost relaxing. But it doesn’t help her nausea at all. 

Rey’s heart is pounding and her eyes start to water when she feels the burning in her throat. 

Then, like she has done all week, she runs to the toilet and she throws up. Barely anything at all and this time, it’s not out of nervosity. 

It’s for a reason she doesn’t want to acknowledge. Doesn’t want to understand. She tries to ignore the facts that’ll change her whole future and tries to ignore the anxiety eating her alive. Tries to make herself a robot, so she doesn’t have to feel the pain when reality will hit her sooner or later. 

Yet, she already loves it. She loves her so much. She already talks to her. 

“I’m sorry.”, Rey whispers to herself, sitting on the bathroom floor with both her hands caressing her stomach. There’s barely anything showing under her dress and she hasn’t even taken a damn test, but Rey is already so  _ sure _ . She’s 19, the most fertile you can be. And all the unprotected sex… 

Rey sobs, eyes stinging and vision turning blurry. “I’ll tell daddy to be gentle next time.”

She gets no response and it makes Rey burst out in a loud cry. Because she too afraid to tell him. Afraid that he won’t change, just like after the flowers, and still have his bad days and hurt her even with their child in her belly. Afraid that he won’t change and Rey would never forgive herself for giving in for a fucking bouquet. Never forgive herself if her child will suffer just because Rey loves Kylo and gave in.  _ For flowers!  _

Rey hugs herself, crying into her shoulder, shivering in pure anxiety and rage. She is so stupid! So fucking stupid. If anything happens to her, Rey will never forgive herself. 

_ She already loves her so fucking much! _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SUPER curious, what do you guys think of this chapter?!  
> Comment and let me know! Love u guys <3333
> 
> ~Lenkia


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys were almost at 1k kudos and were at chapter 20! I'm just loving your comments, the support and motivation I get when you write are enormous! Thank you so much <33
> 
> Now, enjoy!~

 

The days when dinner is ready, house cleaned and nausea is gone, it’s not much to do for Rey. She sits on the couch, facing the clock hanging on the wall and follows with her eyes every second that goes by. 

It goes slowly. 

_ Tick-tock, tick-tock.  _

She waits on Kylo. He’s home at 6 PM, but time goes slowly. So instead of sitting there and missing him, her mind starts to wander. Sometimes it goes the wrong way, thinking about her old life and Rey stops when she starts to daydream about it. It’s dangerous to think about that, especially since Kylo hated it. She was so rebellious then. He can’t know that she thinks about her old life. 

What if Rey starts to… miss her freedom? 

No, no more thinking about that. It’s bad. 

Rey starts to think about Kylo instead. About them, her baby and slowly, questions would create in her head. And she wanted answers. She  _ needs answers _ .

It wasn’t about Rey anymore. It’s about  _ her _ . Everything is evolving around her baby now, but it’s not just her baby. It’s Kylo’s too. He doesn’t know about it yet, and that’s because Rey doesn’t dare to tell him. But also because she doesn’t know him. 

Sure, he’s working for the First Order. He  _ works _ a lot. He’s has anger issues. He likes to fuck Rey. He’s in charge of her life. 

But other than that, she doesn’t know anything else. Rey needs to know more about him. What kind of person is he? What kind of father will he be? Can she actually tell him without fearing for its life? 

So Rey decides. She’s going to ask him a few questions. Maybe one. 

He won’t be angry, right?  What would he do if she actually asked? He wouldn’t punish her, maybe take a hard grip around her throat and remind her to know her place. But she has behaved, and Rey wasn’t stupid, she’ll to ask on his good day. 

She knows how much he hates when she asks questions, but just one is enough. No more.

 

 

“What are you doing all day, when your gone?” 

Rey is sitting in front of Kylo who is eating his food while scrolling through his phone, her plate untouched. It feels just… weird to eat food where she got fucked on, even if it was three weeks ago. 

Kylo looks up at her with a raised eyebrow, surprised that she  _ said  _ something. Even Rey was surprised that she dared.

“You don’t want to know.”, was his response, cold and direct, and Rey let out the breath she held. No, she doesn’t want to know. Yet, she wanted something more from him. Better respond. 

Kylo suddenly chuckles, yet keeps looking at his phone, surprising Rey when he leans back on his chair and drags his hand through his hair. “You would think I actually do decent shit but instead I have to deal with a  _ red-haired _ shit. Fucker.”

_ Red-haired shit?  _

“Hux?” Kylo looks up from his phone and at her with small eyes, making Rey freeze in panic. Her eyes turn wide and hands start to shake when he doesn’t say anything in a long time. 

Rey remembers Hux, it was he who threatened her, drugged her and dragged her to that throne room. It wasn’t like she intended to say his name, it just slipped. 

Then Kylo looks back at his phone and Rey lets out a shaky exhale. 

“That fucker thinks he can take my place. I worked so fucking hard for that shit and he thinks he can take it? Wait until I’m leader, I’ll smash his fucking head and rip his eyes out with my bare hands.” 

A picture pops up in Rey's head and she excuses herself lamely before walking fast to the bathroom, heaving over the toilet before vomiting. Rey doesn’t doubt Kylos word for a second.

Could it be Hux that causes Kylo to have such bad days? And leader? 

Is Kylo going to be the leader of the First Order? 

Rey sighs and sits on the bathroom floor exhausted, caressing her stomach gently as her eyes start to water. 

What the hell is she supposed to do now? 

 

 

Rey groans into the dark bedroom, gripping Kylo’s hair softly as she looks up at the ceiling. His mouth is licking softly on her nipple, his fingers pumping into her pussy with rough strokes that makes Rey bite her lips and twitch her eyes, containing moans that escape.

Dinner had been served, Rey had showered, put on a red nightgown and lay on the bed ready for him, just like any other day. She should be singing in happiness and pleasure, it wasn’t often that Kylo gave her this much attention. He must’ve had a good day today.

But Rey can’t relax as much as she wants to. Can’t enjoy the performance. All her worries were on her baby and what she needs to do with Kylo. When should she tell him, what should she tell him? And were… where should she give birth? Will he let her go to the hospital? 

Pictures of him pointing his gun against her forehead and his bare hands smashing Hux’s skull kept popping up in her head and Rey feels such anxiety she has never felt before. Every little worry had bundled up into a mess like thousands of yarns and exploded in her stomach. It was hard to enjoy herself when Rey feels like bursting out in tears any second. She feels so lonely, so afraid. She wished she could just save her child from all this worry but it’s connected to her and even that responsibility is killing Rey. 

Kylo is hovering over her, naked with his erection pressed into her thigh as he licks her breast before taking a soft bite and Rey cries in pain, gripping his hair hard in shock. 

“K-Kylo it hurts.”, Rey whispers, trying to pull him away. Eyes stinging. Her breast is so damn sensitive and so is her emotions. She could hum all happily one second and in the next second cry. Just two month pregnant and Rey is already feeling so damn tired, already so done with this. 

It doesn’t help that Kylo won’t listen and continues. He owns her body, after all. Kylo bites once again and this time Rey cries loudly, pushing his mouth off her completely. 

“I said it hurts Kylo!”, Rey cries, tears running down her cheeks as she turns away from Kylo, crossing her arms over her chest and sobbing loudly, digging her head into the pillow. 

Rey can’t do this anymore! She can’t pretend. If this baby wouldn’t be the death of her, the secret would. She can’t handle all this anxiety when there were more questions than answers. She doesn’t even dare to tell Kylo about her child, so how the hell could Rey protect her baby in the future, when she can’t even confess the truth? 

Rey sobs, clenching her eyes and waits on Kylo to act out of annoyance. He doesn’t take no for an answer, so she isn’t surprised when he takes a hard grip of her chin and snatch her head towards his, looking down at her with burning eyes and clenched jaw, hair hanging around his face. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you, huh? Why are you crying?”, he asks angry and Rey only cries louder, trying to turn her face away but the grip turns tighter, making Rey whimper, gripping his wrist like it would do anything. “Answer me!” 

“I-I’m not feeling well…”, Rey sobs, closing her eyes as she tries to calm her breath. She can’t, only keeps hyperventilating. “I’m not feeling well, I want to go to a hospital...”

“Oh, poor sunshine.”, Kylo sighs sarcastically, pushing his thumb between Rey’s lips, licking his own while Rey tries to lift his hand away from her throat, sobbing intensely. “I’ll fuck you hard and good, then maybe you’ll feel better.” 

Like Rey’s made out of feathers, he turns her around on the bed and pushes her body up, making her stand on all four before caging her in with his own body. Stuck, feeling such claustrophobia she hasn’t felt in a long time, Rey pushes her body against his but doesn’t get anywhere, making her breath heavier and cries more dramatic. 

“Please stop, Kylo!”, Rey wails, her head hanging and eyes clenched when she felt his hand sneak under both of them, caressing her clit with tortures circles that make her legs and arms shake. Barely holding herself up if it wasn’t for Kylo’s arm under her. “Please, please stop!” 

“Shh, baby. Shh…”, he places his other hand over her mouth, making Rey scream into his palm as tear and snot run down her face. “It’ll feel better soon.” 

Without any mercy, Kylo pushes himself into her hard, groaning against her ear before taking a soft bite of her earlobe. Rey bawls her eyes out, a panic attack blooming in her soul, fighting a battle in her head all while Kylo pound into her animalistic. Pushing her into him rather than the opposite. Kylo is gone in his pleasure, breathing heavy against her skin as the hand under her going it’s way up on her letters. Caressing his initials. 

Rey pays no mind to it, too gone in misery and acceptance of her life. Yes, she has accepted this a long time ago. This is her life now, and she has accepted that Kylo abuses her like this. 

But not for her baby. 

No, because Kylo’s hand suddenly pressed against her stomach, like he’s trying to find himself through the skin, and a fear Rey has never felt before showers over her in such a speed that shocks even herself. Her heart stops, and breath hitch when Kylo press, and the fact that Rey can’t protect her baby with both arms holding her up, make it a hundred times worse. 

When it came to herself, Rey had already given up. She had given up the moment Kylo wrote his letters on her skin and punishment was something she rather starve then go through. She feared it intensely. Fighting for her life wasn’t an option. 

But fighting for her baby was. She won’t ever give up on her baby as she did on herself. 

So Rey takes a hard bite of Kylo’s palm, digging her teeth into the flesh.  

Kylo curses loudly, snatching his hand off her mouth and like an FBI guy, Rey drops to her stomach and she rolls away from the bed, landing on the floor with her behind first. 

As a comedy, Rey looks up from the floor on Kylo, who’s standing on his knees on the bed with as wide eyes as she had. Both of them shocked of her action. They look at each other for a second before Rey’s mind tell her to  _ fucking run and save your damn life _ and she obeys, stumbling up before running out the bedroom. 

Her heart is pounding up to her ears and her breath is deeper than heavy when she hear Kylo scream after her in such a rage that almost makes her stop on track. Adrenaline is pumping, no,  _ flowing, _ in her blood, so damn afraid that she is because she doesn’t want to get drowned or spanked again.

Rey takes a sharp left and locks herself in the bathroom as she backs up, taking slow steps back before the wall comforts her behind. Her legs shake like leaves and her eyes are wide like pies when she hears Kylo’s heavy steps walk up to the bathroom and Rey tries to think. Tries to solve out what the  _ fuck  _ she was thinking when she bit him like that. 

Rey had never in more than the one month she’s been her acted like she did just now and it scares her how far she can go for her baby. And Rey knows she can go even further. It frightens her, so much that she starts to cry. 

The door suddenly flies open, the handle flying in one direction as Rey screams in fear, seeing Kylo standing there with eyes burning with anger and both his fists clenched. Ready to punish. The fact that Kylo is so angry that he broke the damn door makes Rey tremble in pure despair and she can’t do much but to grip her red silken nightgown and pray for a solution. Because she won’t get punished. Not with her baby inside her belly.

“P-please, Kylo…”, Rey whispers between sobs, when he suddenly takes small steps towards her, eyes twitching in rage and teeth chewing on his lips. Trying to contain his fury. 

Knowing that he can’t control it makes Rey fear for her life, breath hitching, and heart stopping when he raised his hand. Ready to slap her across the face and take advantage of the seconds she tries to get back to reality. Rey knows all this by now and every thought, sentence, and worry go through her mind like a bullet and Rey says the only thing she thinks can save her baby girl. 

“I’m pregnant!”

Many quiet seconds go by and Rey closes her eyes, covering her face with her hands as a new set of tears stream down her face. Sobbing loudly as her chin quiver, teeth rattling against each other just like her knees. 

“Please, don’t hurt me anymore Kylo!”, Rey wails, not daring to lift her hands from her face. Too afraid that Kylo just won’t care and continue his abuse like nothing. “Please! Not when our baby is in my belly.” 

Rey hears a thud after several minutes of her crying, and it takes much courage from her to lift her palms from her face and finally open her swollen eyes. Sobbing, Rey looks down and her breath hitch when she sees Kylo standing on his knees in front of her, staring at her stomach with eyes she barely can read. The whole thing makes Rey freeze in fear, knowing that Kylo could do whatever he wants now. Anything he wants and Rey for a second regrets the decision to spit it out in self-defense. 

Then, Kylo place both his palms on her abdomen. Softly, like she’s made out of glass and caresses the skin through her silken nightgown like he’s caressing her baby. His baby. 

The action surprise Rey shockingly and all she can do is stare with wide eyes at the monster who drowned, tortured and raped her, stand on his knees for their baby. It feels surreal and it makes her head spin when he leans forward and drags his cheek against her belly, hugging her hips and surrounding her body with his huge arms. 

Rey tries to say anything, but every word turns into a sob and the thousands of bricks that balanced on her shoulders, left. Relief and all worry leaving her like butterflies, flying away and abandoning her as jelly. Legs wiggling and arms resting on Kylo’s shoulders, shaking as she weeps. 

She can breathe again. 

“Promise me, Kylo. Promise me that you won’t hurt me anymore. No more punishments!”, Rey says between cries, running her hands through his hair as she looks down at him, aiming for eye contact. But his full attention is at his baby girl and Rey tug at his hair.

He finally glances up and his eyes shine with something so soft that Rey doubts for a second that it’s the same man that a few minutes ago almost hit her. He looks so beautiful like that, so beautiful that Rey lets out a shaky breath that almost says the three words. 

“You’ll be such an amazing mother…”, Kylo whispers and Rey tries to breathe between tears, the grip around his hair turning tighter in alarm.

“Promise me Kylo! No more hurting me. Say that you promise.” 

He keeps looking at her with such a face that makes Rey question how he feels about her, her cheeks almost blushing if she wasn’t desperate for his promise. He looks so handsome, like the man he would be if he wasn’t a complete psychopath. 

Then Kylo gives her a soft nod, almost unrecognizable and Rey nods with him, letting go of the breath she held. Finally feeling complete, feeling so safe in his arms. Feeling that she’s can finally protect her baby. 

For now.

Kylo presses his lips against her abdomen and places small kisses on the silk, making Rey’s breath hitch when he keeps getting lower and lower.

“How long?”, he asks and Rey tries to process the question, completely thrown by his actions as she feels her heart race faster. 

“T-two months. I think it’s a girl. It feels like a baby girl.” He hums approvingly and Rey lets out a loud groan in shock when he places on of her legs over his shoulder. 

“You’ll be such a great mother.”, Kylo repeats, placing his kisses there and suddenly he’s touching her with his tongue right  _ there _ and Rey throws her head back with a loud moan. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will it be HEA with these two...? Let me know! 
> 
> xoxo Lenkia~


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the nice comments, guys! Whenever I feel sad or just down, I go back and read your comments and I immediately feel so much better, knowing that my ability as a writer pleases you, I love you all so much! 
> 
> Here we go with the 21st chapter!

****

Two words change a lot. At least for Kylo. 

It really shocks Rey, how much he’s suddenly willing to change. It’s not much he has changed with himself, but it’s a lot for him. Kylo didn’t budge for Rey, not even one inch. He does for their baby though. She noticed it just the day after she said the news. 

When Rey woke up that morning, it was way too light outside.  _ Way  _ too light. 

Laying naked on the bed, Rey sits up in such a panic that makes her blood turn into ice, looking at the clock showing it’s 11:15 AM. Dread swallows her like a whale and before Rey gets a panic attack, she glances at the bed table and on it lies a note. 

_ Sleep _ , it says. A demand, beautifully written. 

It shocks Rey at first because no matter how late they stayed up the night before, Rey always had to wake up 8 AM. But now there’s a baby in her belly. And now she has the privilege. 

Knowing that Kylo loves the baby more than her is somewhat a comfort for her. A sign that he won’t hurt her anymore. Yet it… 

No. She’s not jealous of her baby.  _ Ridiculous _ . 

Rey still woke up and took a shower. Still cleaned like she did before and cooked dinner. A hand always resting on her belly, whatever she does. It feels safer that way, knowing that she’s right under her palm. 

Kylo came home, without greeting her differently. He sat on the table, Rey served him food and they ate in silence if he didn’t talk to someone on the phone. Their fight from yesterday was forgotten but still lingered in the air. The fact that the bathroom door is broken is a problem Rey doesn’t dare to bring up just yet. 

“Thank you for letting me sleep in today.”, Rey said, picking both of their plates. A golden rule. Thank Kylo for  _ everything _ . Kylo glance up her, then at her belly. 

“Don’t overstrain yourself.”, he said simply. “Go take a shower and get to bed.” 

Not much had changed, but it’s a lot for Kylo. 

  
  


Kylo still has his good days and his bads. 

The good days are as usual. Rey is now allowed to sleep in and clean less, which she rather appreciate. Other than that, it’s still the same. Like a typical day. 

But his bad days are really different now. 

Like Rey said before, she could sense his anger the moment he slammed the door after himself and she would freeze in place when she heard his heavy footsteps get closer. Knowing that his anger is uncontrollable scared the shit out of her and the realization that maybe right now, Kylo could slap her across the face knowing that she’s pregnant, and everything would change. 

He stormed into the kitchen and Rey’s wide eyes meet his burning ones. Those eyes that bore no soul and no mercy. His fists clenched and breath heavy. 

She saw it in his eyes, he wants to hit Rey. Put his anger on her, just like she was made for. Maybe even take her right there and fuck her on the floor without considering her health, just like he did before.

But, a lot has changed. 

An internal struggle showed on his body language and Rey didn’t dare to move until he opened his mouth. 

“Take something to eat and get the fuck out!”, he said between clenched teeth and Rey spared no time. She’s not even hungry but she takes an apple anyways, just to order Kylo, and she runs to her room. Her heart racing up to her throat when she finally closed the door. 

Hours passed and he didn’t even come after Rey showered and put on a random nightgown. 

Then Rey realized that he won’t come tonight. Probably afraid he’d lose control with her and hurt the baby. 

It was the first time in forever that Rey fell asleep alone and she hated it. Rey doesn’t know why, but she thinks it’s the baby calling for her daddy. 

  
  


It started to snow one night. 

“Kylo.”, Rey whispered between heavy breathing, one hand gripping his bicep and the other resting on her bump, both her legs wrapped around Kylo’s hips. He kept fucking her, too gone to hear her whisper his name as his lips pressed against her pulse point. Both his hands gripping the headboard. 

It was in the middle of the night and they had been going on for hours. Not so unusual, but Rey’s energy had increased lately. No more morning sickness leads to a healthier Rey. But that didn’t mean it was paradise just because of that.

“Kylo.” 

“What?”, he asked between clenched teeth, stopping annoyed as he leaned out to look at her. Sweat dripping down his hairline. 

“I have to pee.”, Rey whispered a bit scared he’d be angry. “And I’m really thirsty.” 

But he wasn’t. Only cursed under his breath before slipping out of her, falling back to the bed as Rey slowly sat up and put on her nightgown from the floor. 

He never got angry at her when it came to the baby, no matter what it was. Now, three months pregnant, her symptoms have been plenty and Kylo never questions them. And Rey never uses them to her advantage. She won’t  _ ever _ use her baby. 

Walking through the house in the middle of the night was a bit scary, the only sound coming from the clock and her barefoot hitting the floor. After the toilet visit, the door  _ still _ not fixed, Rey walked her way down to the kitchen and she gulped down two full glasses of water, breathing heavy as she slammed it on the counter. 

Then she saw a movement in the corner of her eyes and Rey turned her head towards the window in the living room. 

It’s snowing. 

The white flakes falling shocked Rey, and she can’t help but to walk towards the window and press her face against the glass. Watching intensely at the snow landed and stayed on the forest ground, slowly collecting into a white layer between the trees. 

The urge to touch it made her skin itch and the urge to be outside made Rey almost cry. How long has it been since she last was outside? Wasn’t it the short walk from the car to the house the first time she arrived? Or does the wind searching its way in after Kylo leaves the house even count?

Rey heard movement behind her, but she doesn't even budge, doesn’t even care that she has to clean the handprints from the window tomorrow. 

“What you looking at, sunshine?”, Kylo asked behind her, his hand dragging its way around her waist. 

“It’s snowing.”, Rey whispered amazed how the ground turns white so fast. “It’s snowing.” 

Many quiet seconds went by, Kylo and Rey staring out the window in silence before he suddenly disappeared and came back. 

He placed a heavy jacket around Rey’s shoulders. 

Rey gripped the fabric between her fingers and turned her head at Kylo in shock when she realized what’s going on. Kylo put the cap on her head with a blank face. 

“Come.” Kylo led both of them towards the front door and Rey could only follow, her eyes and mouth wide open. He was already wearing a pair of night pants, but no top, so he put on a jacket without closing it before giving Rey a pair of shoes that’s his. Rey jumped right into them and when she looked up again, Kylo has opened the door and he dragged them both out. 

Rey’s breath hitched when the cold hit her face and bare legs, thankful that his jacket came all the way down to her thigh. Her heavy exhales turns into silver smoke and when she looked up at the sky, it’s jet black. But the stars light up the world so beautifully that Rey started to cry in happiness, a fling landing right on her cheek. She had forgotten the beauty of the world. The beauty of freedom.

Rey looked at Kylo, who’s standing by the door with his arms crossed. She waited for approval.

Kylo nodded. 

She looked back at the ground, where snow has collected and she bent down to scoop it up. The snow freezing her fingers. But it’s the best feeling ever. Just like the ice-cold air she breathed in. 

“Look, Kylo!”, Rey called happily, throwing the handful up in the air. Kylo smoked a cigarette much further away from her, probably afraid that the smoke will hurt the baby. “Look how beautiful!” 

Rey continued to play with the snow, laughing happily. 

Barely acknowledging the car standing on the driveway or the small road leading out from the forest. 

  
  


One day, Kylo came back from work just like any other day. What makes that day different is that he hugged her. 

The arms that hugged her from behind made Rey almost shriek, washing the sink and completely gone in scrubbing away a spot. She felt him press his lips against her scalp and palm caress her stomach and Rey  _ knew _ it was one of those days. And she took no time to spare. 

Like an addict desperate for love, Rey turned around and hugged him back. Placing her lips on his collarbone as she took a hard inhale of his scent. Any other smell had made Rey felt nauseous, but the smell he left on her pillow was like a drug to her. 

“I’ve missed you.”, Rey smiled against his skin, finally daring to tell the truth. If she told him any other day, Kylo would’ve taken advantage of it and tried to fuck her. But instead, he kept hugging her back and placed small, playful kisses on her neck, making Rey giggle. She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. Kylo was way too early from work. 

His hands were placed right on her abdomen. “I’ve missed you too.” 

Rey doesn’t remember much, but they somehow landed on the couch. Laying down, Kylo was far too tall to fit but still managed as Rey stranded him. Both her thighs bent between his as they made out on the couch. The only sound came from their lips as they touched each other over and over again, tongues dancing and hands roaming. Not sexually, just desperate and comfortable. Like they only had so little time before the parents came home. 

The whole thing made Rey feel like the teenager she is, and she loved it.

Then Kylo’s palm landed on her abdomen and Rey was reminded that she isn’t a teenager anymore.

Then she is reminded that it’s maybe not Rey Kylo missed...

  
  


In the mirror, Rey sees herself, but she doesn’t recognize herself. 

Thinking back only a half year ago, she could never imagine herself with a pouting stomach, stretch marks around her breasts and being heavy. Could never even think such a crazy thought. 

Here she is, four-month pregnant. 

Her body has changed. A lot. She is always a bit hungry at the most inconvenient times and her stomach. God, her stomach is showing. Nothing like two months ago, when she still hadn't confessed to Kylo. Then, it just looked like her stomach was bloated and it was easy to hide. Rey barely noticed it herself. 

Now, her bump is so clear. When wearing nightgowns, the silk material she always wore, shined against her stomach and her cleaning dress didn’t fit anymore. Rey just used her gowns instead and Kylo never said anything. And the fact that it’ll just grow bigger and bigger scared Rey deeply. 

She already feels so heavy, what if Kylo doesn’t find her attractive anymore? 

But even since now, he has never complained about her appearance. Always licking her sore breast and caressing her stomach like he worshiped her baby and Rey finds relief in that. Kylo doesn’t talk much, so his actions will do for now. 

Rey shakes her head and puts both her hands over her belly. Ignoring the awful feeling of not being beautiful enough. 

She doesn’t know why, but just touching her baby like this gives her some kind of peace. Like Rey knows she’s safe when her palms are there. 

“My body doesn’t matter, as long as you're healthy.”, Rey whispers to her baby, walking away from the mirror. “I don’t care what daddy thinks, baby girl.” It’s a lie. 

“You don’t care if daddy thinks of what?” Totally gone in her conversation with her baby, Rey jumps into the air when she almost bumps into Kylo. Looking up with wide eyes, Kylo glances down at her with a raised eyebrow and his typical stone-hard face, and a blush uncontrollably spreads its way across her face.

Talking with her baby is something she always does when she’s alone, so it’s a bit awkward when Kylo catches her. Especially when she refers him to  _ daddy _ . 

Kylo had never claimed himself as a father. Never talked to the child or brought up any type of fatherhood in a conversation. If he even  _ held _ a conversation. The only thing coming close to it is when he caresses her stomach. 

But, as she said, Kylo doesn’t talk much. She can only hope his touches mean anything. 

“Nothing!”, she stutters. “I’ll fix you some breakfast.” 

“Don’t.”, Kylo demands. “Sleep instead. It’s too early to be awake.” Rey wants to tell him that he had no problem waking her up when she wasn’t pregnant. It annoys Rey like it has done the last two months. It’s unfair that Kylo gave her more privilege because of the baby. He never did before. She knows he cares for the baby, but what about her? 

Anxiety grows in Rey and she feels her eyes sting when Kylo walks to the sink, looking himself in the mirror. He drags his fingers through his hair and fixes the collar of his shirt, getting ready for work. To leave this prison, to leave Rey behind and do whatever he wants to without her never knowing what. Anger flash trough her like lightning and the hands over her bump turn into fists. 

“Who are you looking so handsome for, huh?”, she spits. Kylo always looks handsome when going to work, and today is like any other day. 

It’s just that Rey feels so  _ fucking _ heavy, and ugly and the fact that Kylo didn’t give two shits about her until she got pregnant with his baby is killing her. 

She loves him so much, why doesn’t he love her back? 

Kylo turns his head towards her, his eyes small before taking one fast step and Rey has to bend her neck to face him. He’s way too big, way too tall, hovering over her like a tree but Rey isn’t scared. As long as his baby girl is in her, he won’t do anything. Even if his eyes are burning with irritation. 

“Watch your  _ fucking _ tone, Rey!” 

Rey swallows and her eyes turn wet when he turns around. 

Kylo never showed her this much attention as he did for his baby. He never cared for Rey’s health, not once when he slapped her or pressed her face into the bed while fucking her crying, raping her. He never kissed her if Rey didn’t demand it and he never hugged her either. She thought that’s how Kylo is. She thought that's how he works. 

Then she’s pregnant and… 

He loves the baby more than her. And that’s okay. Totally fine. But it just proved that Kylo could love in his own fucked up way. 

Why couldn’t he love her like that?

Before she can think, Rey takes a grip around his wrist in pure despair. Sobs already escaping when Kylo faces her with anger in his features. 

“Do you love me, Kylo?”, Rey cries, snatching his hand but he doesn’t even budge. “I love you, Kylo! I love you  _ so _ much, do you love me?” 

The reaction is just like Rey expected. Cold, hard eyes looking right through her. Bored and annoyed, almost. It’s hard, loving a cold-hearted person. A person who’ll never be capable of love or empathy. A complete psychopath. 

Rey’s hand start to shake in desperation, tears running down her eyes when nothing shows on him. Not confusion or anything. Just… boredom. 

Kylo can only torture her or fuck her. Nothing else. Can’t even give her a bit of love back. Just kisses, because he knows she satisfied with that, but it’s not enough anymore. 

Why doesn’t he love her? Why does he love his baby but not  _ her _ ?!

Kylo finally looks away, with no shame or regret on his face. Like he’s listening to a flight attendant going through the safety rules on the plane for the hundredth time of his life and Rey could die in total despair. Her heart is broken into thousands of pieces and she tries to think of anything. Anything to prove that maybe,  _ just maybe _ , he loves her a bit. Maybe a tiny bit.

She does the only thing she knows Kylo will ever see in her. 

Tears run down her cheek when she slowly falls down to her knees carefully, her hands running down his abdomen and hooking her fingers around the waist of his trousers. Kylo glance down at her, nothing has changed on his face expression except the little ounce of surprise showing, his one eyebrow raised. 

“I love you Kylo…”, Rey whispers, eyes contact never breaking as she opens up his belt. Sobs and cries escaping. “I love you…”

“I’ll be late for work.”, he answers back, yet he still leans back and places both his hands in the edge of the sink. 

It doesn’t take long before Rey takes him out from his boxers, immediately running her lips around the tip before taking it all in her mouth. Kylo groans and throws his head back, his other hand tangled in her hair unnoticeable. 

Rey watches his face expression change for every second, tears still running down her eyes as she thinks of the three words over and over again. Her naked knees are aching against the cold bathroom floor, and her stomach feels awkward when sitting like this. 

Suddenly Rey is thrown into deja vu. When she was forced into the basement, when he dragged her up to this same bathroom. When he slapped her across the face and shoved his cock into her mouth. 

How much she resisted. How much she fought. 

Now she kneeling in front of him with his child in her stomach, doing this willingly. Doing it for love and for approval. 

Just like then, Kylo pushes her head into him, grips the sink behind him as saliva run down her chin. And just like then, Kylo groans loudly and Rey stays still when he finishes inside her mouth. 

She felt so disgusted with herself then, but she had  _ never _ been so grossed out like she is now. Never felt so filthy. 

Silence fills the bathroom, Rey leaning out and wiping her mouth as Kylo puts himself back into his pants, still breathing heavy. It’s awkward and awful, and Rey sobs quietly as she stares down at the floor. Both her palms over her stomach. 

She feels  _ disgusting _ .

“I’m fucking late.”, Kylo mumbles, looking himself in the mirror fast the last time before turning around to leave. 

Rey doesn’t do anything, not even when she hears the front door close. 

She feels like a shell. Just… empty.

Minutes go by before she finally stands up, afraid for her baby when sitting down in the cold hard floor. 

Like a zombie, she goes down the stair and into the kitchen. Her eyes hazy and breath foggy when she sits by the kitchen island, leaning her head against the marble before closing her eyes and crying. Loudly and ugly, just screaming into the empty house at the fact that she’ll never be enough.

How many times she sucked his dick or how many fucking babies she’ll carry for him, she’ll never be enough for Kylo. He’ll never love her. 

No one will ever love her.

_ It’s not fucking fair… _

A vibration Rey has heard many times before reach her ears and Rey lifts her head slowly, sobbing for dear life. She recognizes that sound, but she doesn’t remember-

Rey’s eyes turn wide and her breath hitch. 

Right in front of her lays Kylo’s phone. 

It’s open.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to add that; pregnant women are so fucking beautiful! Shout out to all the amazing moms! <333 I don't mean a word Rey says, it's just her insecurities spooking around.
> 
> So tell me guys, what the FUCK will Rey do? Let me know what ya'll think! <333
> 
> ~Lenkia


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I think this is the one the most violent chapter of my story so far so please; 
> 
> PLEASE READ THE TAGS BEFORE READING!

 

T here is a war going on inside of Rey’s mind. 

Between the new and the old. Between the Rey who love him and the Rey who hate him. 

And the opposite sides just crash into each other like a car accident, so fast and so sudden that Rey just stops breathing, the sudden need to protect Kylo and the sudden need to run just explode into a mess and it’s a war in Rey’s mind. It confuses her deeply. 

It… mess her up deeply. 

_ What are you doing? What are you  _ doing _?! Take the phone and call 911, what are you waiting for!?  _

Rey starts to hyperventilate, gripping her hair in total madness. She hasn’t heard that voice since Kylo cut his letters into her skin and Rey starts to shake in fear because it’s  _ her  _ who couldn’t shut up and it’s  _ her  _ who made Rey suffer from every punishment. She was the reason and if Kylo knew that the same voice tells her to betray him, he’ll fucking kill her!

“No- No, I don’t need to call anyone…”, Rey whispers to herself in denial, staring at the phone like it’ll disappear any minute. “I’m fine here, with Kylo. I love him, I love him-” 

_ He doesn’t love you! He doesn’t love that child he forced into you, he’s fucking sick Rey don’t you see that yourself?  _

Rey whimpers at the words, eyes turning blurry as she shakes her head. “No- No, he loves us…” 

_ You don’t hurt the people you love. You don’t  _ rape _ the people you love. You don’t love the baby but not the mother. That’s not love, Rey. He doesn’t love you!  _

“He loves me!”, Rey screams, clenching her eyes. The grip around her hair turning tighter. “He loves me, he just doesn’t want to acknowledge it yet!” 

Like the old Rey just  _ knows _ she won’t get anywhere with this, she targets the one thing Rey can change  _ everything _ for. 

Because no one knows Rey better than herself. 

_ If you don’t run for yourself then do it for your baby.  _

The words coming from her old persona shuts Rey up, and she stills. Staring at the phone with hazy eyes as every sentence land slowly into her mind. Every letter making her freeze in realization.

Her... baby.

_ He can’t control himself, you’ve seen it yourself. He’s going to hurt you after the baby is out. What if he hurts the baby?! _

Rey cries loudly at the thought, every hair on her body raising in scare.

_ You never had parents and you promised yourself that you’d never turn out like your own. Abandoning your child. This is no different.  _

Suddenly, the whole house turns quiet and realization just… hits her. Because it’s true. Every word is true. She’s a mother now. She promised herself that she’d protect her baby. She  _ can’t  _ protect her baby here. Not with Kylo. Not with a psychopath who has drowned her, cut her and raped her.

Everything fades away and like a movie the only thing she can hear is her heartbeat, when she slowly let’s go of her hair, hands shaking. Eyes never leaving the phone. 

“Just... “, Rey whispers to herself. “Just… one quick call.”  

Then she reaches for the phone, slowly as her eyes sting and throat clenching because it feels so wrong going against Kylo but so right to save herself. Save her baby. 

Rey loves Kylo, but she loves her baby more. 

The phone feels heavy in her hands and Rey stands up in a panic, knowing that she’s about to do it. Knowing that the safety of this house suddenly won’t be here and she can finally,  _ finally, _ go home! Sleep on her mattress on the floor, meet Finn and hug him hard and maybe, just maybe, forget that this ever happened. To make this a past, and not a present. 

Maybe go back to her normal life. Where waking up early and groaning loudly, having the morning shift at the café being a pleasure and unpack her things at home sweating, could be her life again. 

She can maybe even set up a crib in her bedroom, or tattoo the baby's name over the letters on her hip.

Rey’s breath turns heavier and her legs start to shake when she touches the phone app. The usual list of numbers pop up and adrenaline runs in her blood. The wish Rey prayed for would happen the first month she was captured is finally coming true and hidden somewhere deep in Rey, she’s screaming and crying in happiness and Rey can’t help but let out a small smile.  

_ I can finally go home! _

Rey takes charge and she aims for the 9. But she never presses it.

The phone in her hands is suddenly not there. Taken from above. Slipping from the safety of her palms and Rey lets out a desperate whimper, her eyes never leaving the phone as it flies over her head and suddenly thrown into the floor, the sound of the crash echoing into the empty house. 

Rey lets out a scream in pure despair when it shatters into thousands of pieces, her hands reached for the device as she could actually save it and her eyes widen when she realizes that her every opportunity to go back to reality and get home, is now gone with the phone. 

It happens so unexpectedly. Before Rey can even face him, a hand slaps her against the face so intensely that her whole body flies into the nearest wall, hitting her head against it hard. Her teeth chatter against each other and Rey just stays still for a second, her eyes wide and holding her breath, trying to realize what’s going on. Waiting on the blood to run from the side of her head, but it doesn’t. During that one second, Rey even manages to feel relief that she’s not bleeding before a grip around her throat pressing her against the wall and the air is suddenly cut out from her lungs. 

Rey’s eyes almost bulge out, panic is hitting her harder than Kylo’s slap and with her stomach pressed against the wall, she scratches the wallpaper with her hands in a desperate attempt to be released, gulping for air like a fish. Doing everything she can to fight for air. 

Suddenly she feels his body press into hers violently and Rey almost passes out when his grip turns tighter, white spots dancing in her vision. 

Rey is back at the bathtub, with her hands tied behind her back as Kylo push her head down into the water over and over again. The same awful feeling of facing her death.

“What the  _ fuck _ were you doing, huh?! Answer me, Rey, Answer me what did you do? What the  _ fuck  _ did you do?!” Rey’s eardrum almost explodes and tinnitus plays on both her ears as her vision turns blurry. And Kylo keeps pressing, both his hands around her throat and his body against hers. Her bump press harder into the wall and the hard truth hits her. 

She’s not suffering alone. 

“My- baby!”, Rey gasps, feeling her fingertips bleeding from scratching the wallpaper, her arms suddenly giving in and shaking violently instead, just like her knees. The fact that her innocent baby can’t get any air because of its own father is blinded with murderous rage, fucks her up so mentally that eyes start to tear and face to pale. 

Something Rey has never felt before explodes in her like a bomb and she thinks she’s going to die out of heartbreak before  asphyxiation . That she can’t protect her baby, that she’s can’t save it. That she is so defenseless against this monster who she loves so selfishly. 

Her innocent baby will die with her. Rey can’t protect her and she has already failed as a mother. 

A tear run down her cheek and her body goes limp against the wall. “My-” 

She’s seconds from fainting. She can feel it. She’s going to die. 

But like magic, Kylo lifts his grip around her throat and Rey almost screams after air, taking gulps of it into her lungs, scratching her throat like a madman. He takes a step back and Rey’s legs give in and she falls to the floor, both her palm immediately hugging her stomach as she cries for air, panic and for her baby. Eyes wide and mind blank at the fact that she almost died. 

He almost killed her.

“Who did you call, Rey? Tell me who the fuck you called...”, Kylo whispers, squatting down to Rey’s level. Rey keeps looking into the wall with crazed eyes, trying to understand what just happened, until he takes a grip of her chin and forces her to face him. Even then, she doesn’t look him in the eyes. She tries to  _ understand _ . Her body can’t stop shaking and her breath can’t calm down. “Fucking  _ talk, _ Rey!” 

Seconds go by before Rey look him in the eyes. Eyes that are filled with rage and hate. 

_ Pure evil.  _

_ Satan.  _

_ The father of her baby.  _

_ The human she loved. _

_ A fucking psychopath.  _

“You hurt my baby.”, Rey whispers, her heart-stopping by the fact that her worst nightmare came true. She hugs her stomach tighter. “You hurt my baby.” 

Kylo looks at her with small eyes, and his nails around her chin dig into her flesh. But Rey barely acknowledges it. Despair and disappointment cause her to hyperventilate and her eyes stars to tear when she takes a grip around his wrist.

“You promised me!”, Rey screams, sobbing loudly. Her blood is boiling and she snatches her head from his grip violently. Disgust and anger making her  _ crazy _ . “You promised me you wouldn’t hurt me, you fucking liar!” 

“Tell me Rey, who did you call?”, Kylo whispers calmly and it makes Rey see red.

“Fuck you!” Rey has never screamed so loudly in her whole life, never fought against his grip so intensely. Rey stares right into his soul, baring her teeth. “You hurt my baby, how could you!? How could you do that to your own child, you sick monster!”

He doesn't budge, eyes still small and blank, grip still around her chin. His features glowing with anger so intensely that Rey is sure he’ll choke her again.

What if Kylo pressed her into the wall enough for the baby to die? Is her baby still alive? 

Anxiety and despair are eating her alive and her anger suddenly turns into such sadness that she burst into a crying mess, tears running down cheeks and sobs sounding more like screams. Kylo keeps staring at her and she sees that he realizes that she hasn’t called anyone. 

Rey hasn’t called anyone and her baby almost died for nothing and he won’t  _ fucking budge  _ with his grip and she still feels like she’s being choked!

“Let go of me, I hate you!”, Rey wails between cries. “I’ll never let you touch my kid. I won’t even let you look at her!” 

“‘ _ My  _ kid’? Have you forgotten who put that child inside of you, Rey?”, he spits and Rey clenches her eyes, whimpering loudly by the fact.

“A father would never hurt his child like that!”, Rey cries with uneasy breaths, hugging her stomach with trembling arms as she shakes her head. “I’ll leave you Kylo, you’re fucking sick!”

Suddenly he presses his forehead against hers and Rey’s breath hitch when he stares deeply into her eyes, afraid that he’ll hurt her once again but something else leave his mouth. Something that hurts so much more.

“You’re supposed to be dead. Rotting in the ground. I’m so fucking close to becoming the leader. If anyone at the First Order even knows about your existence, they’ll kill me, then you, then my child.” Rey freeze and her eyes turn wide, cries stopping mid-ways. Kylo bares his teeth. “Don’t forget your fucking position, Rey! You’ll never leave this house. Don’t ever talk about it again.  _ Ever!  _ Do you hear me?”

Rey’s lower lips quiver, eyes pouring and misery spreading inside of her like fire. Her hands she has over her stomach turns into tight fists. The words are slowly processing in her brain and it seems like a hollow black void swallows her deep into despair. 

Her world crumbles down. Her will crumbles down. There is not a single ounce of hope left in her…

No, Rey won’t lie. There is a bit left. It’s the baby who reminds her to be strong. And also the old Rey, who hasn’t given up on herself yet. Who reminded her to get a grip of her life and to realize how much she even loved Kylo, she has to think of her baby first. Her baby is her  _ everything  _ now. 

And what he did to her was the _last fucking drop!_

So Rey swallows loudly and she clenches her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Kylo…” The grip around her chin doesn’t soften and many seconds go by in complete silence if not Rey’s loud sobs. “I’m so sorry… I love you, Kylo. I love you so much, please don’t be angry.” 

She can feel him lean down and Rey opens her eyes slightly to see him glance at her, with cold hard eyes that screams of nothing but terror. Yet he tilts her neck and gives her a soft kiss. A kiss that makes Rey shiver, a kiss so beautiful and soft that a wave of doubt hits her before she shakes the feeling of. 

Rey opens her mouth as she puts her arms around his neck, taking Kylo down with her on the floor as he runs his tongue over her lips, feeling his erection grow against her thigh.

“Kylo…”, Rey whispers in his ear, voice still uneasy after all her cryings. Her hands run down his jacket, unnoticed as she moans into his ear. “I need you inside of me, please…” 

Kylo groans animalistic into her ear before turning her around on all her four, her breath hitching when he lifts her hip up and places himself between her legs. Desperately, he lifts her nightgown as he opens up his belt, his breath heavy over her shoulder. 

“Don’t forget who you belong to, sunshine.”, he whispers and Rey is thankful that he can’t see her face, serious eyes staring right into the wall determinant, mouth in a hard line and a hand clutching the item in her palm. “You belong to me. Say it sunshine, say it.” 

His hand caresses the letters and Rey’s eyes twitch. 

“I belong to you, Kylo.”

 

 

It’s 3:07 AM. 

Rey’s eyes are wide open, watching the digital clock shine its numbers in the dark room. Kylo is fast asleep behind her, his nose buried in her hair and palm resting on her stomach. Somewhere between 6 AM, he’d wake up and leave her. Rey always woke up around that time, freezing after he leaves with his warmth. 

They went up to her bedroom and finished around midnight, and Kylo fell asleep right after. Three hours has gone by, that means it’s guaranteed that he won’t wake up. Now she had around three hours before he’ll wake up, and she has no time to lose. 

Carefully, Rey slowly puts away his hand from her bump and slithers her way from his grip. And with slow steps, she walks out of the room. Without looking behind. 

Then she goes all the way to the living room, right where Kylo almost killed her and gently squat. She looks around and further away, right under the couch, his car keys she fished out of his pockets shine. Reflexing from the small moon-light coming its way through the window. Rey had discreetly let them glide across the floor as she let out a loud moan, and now, they rested in her palms so heavy that Rey for a second debate if she should put them back and go back to the warmth of Kylo’s body. 

But Rey has come too far to back down now. 

With determined steps, she walks towards the front door and puts on the same jacket Kylo threw over her shoulders, which comes mid-thigh. Rey’s eyes sting by the memory, her happy moment that she remembers so clearly. It was the first time he let her out and she played with the snow many minutes before Kylo claimed that being outside any longer was bad for the baby. 

But the only bad thing for the baby right now is to stay here. 

Rey opens the front door and a cold wave of ice hits her. The car on the driveway seems way too far over the layer of snow she has to walk through, but Rey carefully closes the door after herself and clutch the jacket around her body before diving in. 

Once she gets to the car, Rey’s shivering and her lips have turned blue. Under her jacket is her stupid nightgown painted with body fluid and sweat and it doesn’t keep her warm at all. The snow went over her knees, and her naked thighs are quivering against each other. 

But Rey shakes her head, shakes the tears on her cheeks. 

With numb fingertips, she takes out the keys and presses one of the buttons before the car makes a low sound, and Rey spares no time to jump in. 

She never had a car, but she knows how they work. Working for Unkar in his shitty mechanic did pay off, after all. 

Rey puts the keys in and starts the car, hands shaking but not because of the cold. She’s so fucking afraid that Kylo’s head will pop out from any of the windows and the only thing keeping her going is her baby. She’ll save her baby. 

Rey takes a deep breath before driving out. She should cry in happiness, cry for the freedom waiting on her, even if it would last three small hours. She’d get to the police, at least. 

But why is Rey feeling so fucking miserable? Why does it feel so wrong? 

Rey sobs, grabbing the wheel hard before pressing the gas pedal, leaving her prison and paradise behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did y'all think of this chapter? Did Rey do the right choice? 
> 
> Let me know in the comments, love you guys! <3333
> 
> Oh, btw, WE ONLY HAVE AROUND THREE CHAPTERS LEFT LIKE WTF NOOO OMG I'M CRYING ;_; but I have good news for yah so don't worry ;)))))
> 
> ~Lenkia


	23. Chapter 23

 

“Fuck!”, Poe cries, throwing the layer of papers on the table, making both Finn and Rose turn their head towards the officer. He shakes his head defeated, resting his head against his knuckles. “We’re getting nowhere…We’re getting fucking nowhere!”

Finn knows he’s being annoying right now, but every little sign of defeat make his blood freeze. Even a comment or a sigh is enough for Finn to dread the awful moment that maybe, they have to give up… And he just can’t.

“How can you give up?”, Finn burst out angry, standing up from the couch he just sat on with furrowed eyebrows. Rose, whose eyes about to shut close, continues to scroll on her computer unbothered. 

Finn’s small apartment has turned into an office. There were hundreds of papers and folders across the tables in the living room and even on the floor, joined with the plenty of used coffee cups and empty chips bags. Finn hasn’t had the motivation to clean and the anxiety of not finding Rey was slowly killing him. If it hadn’t been for Rose’s amazing patience and Poe’s motivation out of guilt, Finn would’ve been long gone in sadness. It’s amazing how many nights they had been spending searching through the internet and old cases Poe had smuggled home from work and still gotten nowhere. And tonight was like any other night. 

It’s 5 AM and caffeine is the only thing keeping them up, if not their continuous small fights caused by sleepiness. 

“ _ Give up _ ?”, Poe repeats annoyed. His eyes turn wet and even Finn can feel his throat tighten. They are getting there. Slowly getting to the point both lack of sleep and hope has contributed with and it hurts all of them. “We have been looking after evidence for almost 5 months and we’re not getting anywhere!”

“So what? I’m not giving up, Rey is probably out there somewhere and if you damn cops could just do your job properly, we wouldn’t be in this position!”

“I didn’t say I’ve given up- wait, what?! You blame  _ me _ for the  _ whole _ corrupt department?!” 

“Guys, calm down…”, Rose mutters from the couch, eyes slowly closing. Both the men continue to argue and she almost gives in to sleep. “We’re just tired, calm down-” 

Like an electric shock hits her, Rose eyes suddenly become wide and her breath hitch. Sitting up in a panic when she sees something on the computer that takes both Finn and Poe’s attention back to the journalist. 

“Rose, are you alright?”, Poe asks worried. 

“Guys,  _ guys _ I’ve found something!” Rose breath is shaky and a wave of panic hits Finn when he sees the state she's in. A completely horrified look on her face and Finn just knows it’s fucking awful because Rose never gets shaken by stuff. Her breath turns heavy as she reads fast across the screen. “Holy shit,  _ holy shit! _ ”

“Rose, what’s wrong-” 

Finn gets interrupted by the innocent tune of the doorbell. 

The three of them turns quiet. Every hair on Finn's body stands in pure fear as he looks at the two whose eyes are all wide open in terror. 

“Who the fuck is it at 5  _ fucking  _ o’clock?”, Poe whispers horrified, and Rose stands up in fear, looking at Finn for answers. 

“I-I haven’t invited anyone over!”, Finn stutters, eyeing the clock. “Maybe it’s my neighbor, we probably woke her up…” It’s a lie and everyone is aware but doesn’t dare to say it. 

Trying to prove to himself and the rest that it’s probably the old lady next door and not a  _ fucking gang member _ , Finn takes shaky steps towards the front door, heart beating faster the closer he gets. He can hear the other two follow behind, he even hears Poe take out his gun. Finn should probably tell him that there is no need to take out a gun on poor aunty next door, but for safety, he doesn’t. 

They reach the door and they don’t do anything. They continue to look at the handle and Finn can almost feel a drop of sweat run down his forehead, anxiety eating him alive. 

Many scenarios play in his head, many of them being someone from the First Order finishing them. Just like they did to Rey. 

Seconds go by before Poe whispers with the gun pointed at the door. 

“Open it. I’m ready.” 

They all knew that this isn’t a normal visitation to Finn’s. Even Rose, fearless as she is, don’t argue about a gun being used outside of work hours. 

They know that they’ve come too deep into this, not deep enough to find Rey, but deep enough to be recognized. 

With a shaky hand, Finn reaches for the handle which feels way too cold under his palm. Breathing became difficult for every second that goes by and hearing Rose shakily swallow behind him makes his heartbeat even faster. 

If it was the First Order behind this door, ready to kill Finn off for good, at least he’ll tell them a thing or two. He’ll tell them to fuck off for taking Rey, an innocent 19-year-old girl, away from him. His best friend and soulmate. His one true supporter and pillar in his life. He’ll make sure that they know before they take him. He fucking  _ will _ ! 

Finn takes a deep breath, eyes tearing up in frustration. 

Rey didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve any of this. She had finally built her life, finally got her home. She was finally happy and they took that away from her.

They took her away from him. 

Finn wipes his tears fast and with one heavy inhale, he opens the door. 

He expected to see big, tall men, but he sees a girl instead. A young girl with wet hair, clinging to her face. A heavy black jacket covered half with snow and half with her own arms, hugging herself as her naked legs shake against each other. Her boots are filled with snow. Big boots. It’s not hers.

The girl looks around in the corridor, paranoid and probably afraid as shit since her eyes are wide in panic and breath shaky.

And Finn doesn’t recognize her. Not even when she suddenly gets alarmed by the fact that he has opened the door, or when her eyes open more. Relief washing over her body, looking so happy to see him. Her eyes tear up and heavy inhales escapes together with sobs. 

And all Finn can do is to look at the girl he for so long has tried to find but yet forgotten. Her face. He has forgotten her face. It’s smaller, jawline more defined, eyes were swollen and she has a bruise on her left cheekbone. A blue fresh one. Yet her skin is glowing, even in her state and it’s odd. Finn can’t describe it.

She cries out his name and that is when his brain clears up. That he remembers. He does remember her voice. How many times hasn’t he listened to the voicemail she left him?

“Finn!”, Rey cries, water running down her eyes. A shaky smile covering her face. Finn continues to stare at her. His mouth parted and eyes wide at the fact that she’s here. 

She’s here. All those papers in his house, all those empty nights he has cried and all the unanswered hope, is over. 

Rey is right in front of him. 

“Rey…”, Finn whispers and he hasn’t realized that he’s crying. He’s crying before he can even feel sadness, surprise, and relief. The shock of seeing her blocking everything out. “Rey...”

Rey chuckles and before Finn can think, she hugs him hard. Crying and laughing into his ear as Finn pull her hard into his body, even though he continues to stare into space. Wetting her shoulder with tears as shock continues to make him act like a robot. 

Finn is happy to see her. But happiness won’t last long. Something is wrong, very fucking wrong and even though Rey is crying in relief, Ben can’t allow himself to feel happiness until he knows she’s safe. And her disappearance, paranoia, and bruise tell him something else. 

Even the unknown thing pushing against his stomach.

Finn never would've thought that finding Rey again would bring out anything but ease and joy. Instead, it’s pure dread and total shock. His eyes turned wide open and in barely one second of hugging, he puts his hands on Rey’s shoulder and pushes her from him. 

His eyes land on her stomach and every ounce of blood inside of him drain out and Finn thinks his body stops to work. His mind turns blank at the fact that the jacket Rey wore isn’t clinging around her anymore, but open, and something is poking out. Something round and obvious. Something that makes Finn think that he’s turning crazy because, no,  _ no this isn’t happening what the hell is happening  _ and Finn looks up at Rey with eyes pleading to tell him what he’s seeing isn’t what he thinks he’s seeing. 

His mind is about to explode. He thinks his world is about to get destroyed. His sight is getting blurry and a panic attack is slowly growing inside of him just by the thought of this being true and suddenly the only thing he can feel is total despair at the fact that Rey is looking really  _ fucking-  _

When searching for answers on Rey’s expression, it’s not the response he wants. 

She looks back at him with eyes filled with an untold story she’ll tell, a story that makes her mouth turn into a straight line and eyes to water with seriousness. And there is not an ounce of denial in them.

Just a hard truth. 

Finn slowly lets his arms fall to his sides, eyes never leaving that damn bump and he sees from the corner of her eyes how Rey’s happiness and relief crumble down. Disappointment but mostly shocked that the fact that she’s been missing for 5 damn months and he can’t even hug her back. Can’t even touch her because of her stomach. His disgust making Rey’s face break down in sadness. 

“Finn?”, she cries out panicked, trying to understand his sudden behavior. 

But he can’t look her in the eyes. 

Finn is hurting Rey’s feelings, reacting the way he does. More unhappy to see her than happy. But Finn doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. 

His eyes tear up and he continues to stare at Rey’s stomach, knowing that however, Rey got it, it wasn’t consensual. 

And to know that hurts so  _ fucking  _ much and Finn wants to cry in despair, he wants to hide and never look back and at the same time kill himself for not finding Rey sooner. 

He slowly starts to regret everything. Regret trying to find her because he doesn’t think he’s mentally capable to know what his best friend has done to survive. 

Finn can’t look her in the eyes. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, this chapter is much shorter than average, but I just thought that the ending was good like this. Instead of a long-ass chapter, y'all get two instead ;) 
> 
> Thank you guys for your nice comment, God I love you all! I write this like ever note but I NEED YOU ALL TO UNDERSTAND! 
> 
> Let me know in the comments; is Finn a douche, do we understand him and does Rey really deserve all this pain in her life?!
> 
> ~Lenkia


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this has been the toughest chapter I've ever written in my life! Man, the writer's block I got from this one! But finally, FINALLY, it's finished and I'm so happy with the outcome!! 
> 
> I'm sad that we're nearing the end! I want to thank y'all for all the nice comments I get so thank you thank you thank you!!! love you all <3333

“Okey, we’re ready.” Rey, who’s mind was gone deep in thoughts, breaks her stare from her fingers and looks up at Rose. The journalist has her laptop open, a notebook in her hand and a recorder right beside her. Poe stands by her, his face expression turning professional. Being the police officer he is. 

They all sat around Finn’s kitchen table, a heavy silence hanging over them. It wasn’t odd, really. Finn had bluntly looked at Rey with pure disgust on his face and Rey’s heart broke. It broke into thousands of pieces and tears ran down her face, because she had been gone for 5 months. Missing the days where it was them against the world. Eating nuggets at McDonald's and drinking wine on the floor was the only thing she wished for then. When she was beaten, cut and raped repeatedly, those memories would pop up in her head and remind her of true happiness.

And now he looks at her like a stranger. 

She knew it’s a lot for Finn. She knew that coming back pregnant like this would be a shock. Not only for Finn but for everyone around her. Rey had never even mentioned anything about children and now she's having one. Being forced into pregnancy and they all knew that by some level. And it’s not comfortable. 

But she doesn’t give a fuck. 

She loves Finn, but she loves her baby more. She loves her baby over everyone. Finn couldn’t look her in the eyes, and after many minutes of silence, Rey had wiped her tears and accepted his behavior. It was just shock. Probably shock, he’ll come around sooner or later. 

For the first time, Rey looked behind him and saw Poe and Rose immediately. 

“Rey!” Poe stated, his eyes wide and mouth parted in surprise. 

“Poe...”, Rey whispered under her breath, surprised to see him here. Then Rey let her eyes land on the journalist, and apart from Finn and Poe, Rose seemed like the most put-together person in there. Her face expressed nothing, just empty like a black void with clenched jaws and it’s either because she’s strong like the journalist she is, or she knew something the others didn’t know. 

Almost… ready for this.

“Rose?”, Rey asks and the journalist nods. “Paige showed me pictures of you.”

Rose didn’t say anything and her silence creeped Rey out. She continued to look at her with a mixture of pity and awareness and Rey swallowed loudly, legs starting to shake. 

Was she connected to Kylo in any way? Why does she stare at her like that? She looks like she knows, how does she know?

“We need to put this shit down.”, Rose suddenly states and Rey’s breath hitch. “For good.” 

Minutes later, they sat as they did now. Everyone across each other as Rose looks at Rey with soft, yet serious eyes. The same goes for Poe. 

Finn is standing further away from them, leaning on the fridge with widen eyes. Staring into space and Rey can’t help but glance at him with guilt, clenching her blanket around her shoulders harder. They gave her one together with a towel to dry her hair, and also offered her coffee. 

She declined, claiming that it was bad for the baby. The comment caused an awkward silence to hang in the air and Rey felt her cheeks turn red in shame. 

“So, Rey.” She looks back at Rose, who has started the recorder and ready for the information, her eyes becoming narrow and ears almost growing. “We’ll record this conversation as I'll ask you question that will be enough as evidence to bring to the FBI and finish the First Order.” 

Rey’s eyes turn wide and she lets in a sharp inhale, palms immediately landing on her stomach. 

“FBI!? W-what do you mean ‘finish’ them?” The room turns quiet and everyone's eyes widen a bit. Rey realizes that she sounds like she’s… worrying about them. 

Understanding her mistake, Rey looks down at her fingers in embarrassment and humbles herself into the chair ashamed. She sees from the corner of her eyes how Rose continues to stare at her like she’s solving a mathematical problem, before writing fast on her notebook. Rey catches the word ‘Stockholm’ with a question mark at the end. Rey doesn’t know what that means. 

Poe glance at the word before glancing at Rose with shock covered across his face. And Rose put the pen against the lips in concentration as Rey tries to calm herself down. 

The aura is odd and uncomfortable and Rey didn’t think this through at all. She was so blind by the fact that she needed to save the baby, and the old Rey who told her to run only wanted her old life back. But she never will. It’ll never be wine and nuggets. It’ll be uncomfortable silences, strange conversations and awkward glares and nothing will ever be as it was before. 

Rey suddenly wants to be in the bed with Kylo. When he looked at like she was the sunshine he admired and when he kissed her so sweetly while caressing her stomach. When everything was just… right. 

But Rey shakes her head. She has to remember herself that those memories were barely 10% of the time she was there. The rest was bad days, cold stares, evil fucking and slaps across the face. Rey worships those good memories so much that she turns blind to the bad, turns blind to the threat of her life and her baby’s. 

Rey is  _ not _ a bad mother. She’ll never be. She’ll bring down the First Order. 

“Rey, you were caught by the First Order when you witnessed a murder outside your apartment. Correct?” Rey swallows, clearly remembering that day. She remembers thinking that she has never been that scared before when the blood splattered across the ground and the car trailing her every step. But compared to Kylo’s bad days, those feelings of fear were just ridiculous. 

“Yes.”, Rey answers coldly. Trying to remember everything. 

Trying to remind herself that she is a great mother. Kylo had already pursued her that she is. Not knowing his creation would be his downfall.

Then she tells them. She tells them everything. From the moment she saw the black SUV to the blurry insights when she was put on trial in front of the leader, an old man claiming that she had to be eliminated. Gone in her story, she can hear Poe let out a shaky inhale and Rey feels her eye water, and without looking at him, she continues to talk with small letters as she takes a grip of Poe’s hand, squeezing hard. Poe must’ve blamed himself for this. He shouldn’t blame himself. It wasn’t his fault. 

“If  _ they _ claimed that killing you was the best outcome, why are you sitting in front of me?” 

Rey stops to talk. 

She’s suddenly looking up. To Kylo pressing his gun against her forehead, knees digging into the cold forest ground, freezing winds surrounding her and her breath hitched loudly. Even if she’s sitting in Finn’s kitchen, she can almost feel the cold metal on her skin and a shiver runs down her body. That moment, she was so relieved to be alive. God how stupid she was. Humans really do anything to hold to their shitty life. It’s tragic. 

The sentence slips out of Rey before she can think of how it sounds. 

“Because I exchanged my life to let him do whatever he wanted with me.” 

“Who is he?” 

The question takes Rey of the guard, because the way Rose acts and the voice she talks with tells Rey that she already knows who _he_ is. Her eyes are looking right through her and for the first time in a long time, Rey's heart starts to beat faster and she’s slowly beginning to get annoyed. 

Rey doesn’t like her tone like Kylo is some kind of… monster. 

Rose noticed her annoyance, lifting her head slightly, almost analyzing her. Rey huffs. There is a war between them, only with eye contact though and Poe immediately feels the tension, his mouth turning into a straight line. 

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” 

“I don’t know.”, Rey spits. 

“What does he look like?” 

“I don’t remember.” 

“So if I understand this correctly, is that you’ve been captured by this man for almost 5 months and you don’t remember even the color of his eyes?” 

_ Deep, almost honey-brown eyes. Yellow around the irises and chocolate around the rest. Beautiful. _

“No.” 

It’s tense and Rose knows she’s lying and Rey knows that she knows that she is lying and Poe continues to stare at the lonely word Rose has written down in the notebook she’s holding, sweat dripping down his forehead as his eyes start to become wider with realization. 

Seconds of silence pass by in the kitchen and Rey continues to stare at the journalist with watery eyes, arms crossed over her chest as a part of Rey tries to understand what she’s doing. 

She was supposed to get her revenge on Kylo. To throw him into jail for hurting her and torturing her and what not but she can’t tolerate someone talking so… ugly about him. She doesn’t like it. Rey hates him but she doesn’t like it. And she doesn’t care that they’ll understand. That’s the father of her child. 

A tear is running down her cheek. She thought that she could be a good mother and protect her child from him but she’s so selfish and she loves him too much to put him in jail. 

She can’t do this.

Everything feels so wrong. 

“You idiot.” His voice flies through the room and straight into Rey’s heart. Everyone turns their head towards Finn, who once leaned against the fridge depressed. But now, his eyes are wide in anger and realization is spread across his face. Finally figuring it out. Addressing the elephant in the room. “You’re in love with him.” 

Rey’s breath hitch.

It turns quiet. The only sound comes from Rose who pushes on a button, pausing the recorder as she places her palm over her eyes. Sighing. Poe, who already seemed to know, still becomes pale and he looks like he’s seconds from fainting. 

Finn continues to glare at Rey, with venom in his eyes. For either her or the man she hasn’t revealed yet, but it doesn’t really matter. 

Because Rey feels done. She can’t do this anymore. She thought that her life would go back to normal again but it will never be normal. Even if she sat here and revealed everything about the Order or Kylo, Rose would leave with her story, Poe would never look her in the eye again and Finn would become the stranger he already is. 

And Rey would be the girl who loves her rapist and she would become the single mother of a child conceived from rape and once again, the universe continues to punish her for being unwanted and unloved with more of it. 

It truly isn’t fair. She truly was doomed from the start. 

Nobody would ever love her. 

Rey opens her mouth, lips quivering and tears continue to roll down her from her eyes. 

“I want to…”, she sobs with a whisper, looking away from the three of them. Just staring down at the floor. Clutching the blanket around her body. “I want to go home…” 

Rey doesn’t even know what she means by that. Does she mean her apartment that she lived in for less than a week, or in Kylo’s arms? 

She doesn’t know. 

Finn lets out a heavy breath in pure despair, placing his palms over his face. Rey expects Rose to react, but she doesn’t. The girl truly has a poker face, doing her job excellently but not Poe. He looks shaken and Rey can’t read his facial expression more than that. It’s awful, it’s fucking awful. 

“Rey.”, Rose says with a soft voice, placing her hand on his shoulder. A slight hope in her voice. “Rey, was he good to you?” Rey lets out a loud sob and she shakes her head violently. 

“No, no he wasn’t!”, she cries loudly. The hope dies in Rose's eyes and Rey continues to wail as pain shreds her heart into thousands of pieces. Frustration doing the same as she just tries to  _ fucking  _ understand why she loves him even after everything he has done. “He hurt me, he beat me, he raped me over and over again and he never loved me! He never loved me, no one will ever love me-”

A pair of arms suddenly hugs her and without seeing who it was, she digs her head into his shoulder and she cries. She screams into his shirt like she had done many many times before. When she tried to understand why no one would adopt her, when she failed her English test when Unkar would beat her for taking a piece of his food, starving. 

She already knows these arms so well, she already knows his cries too well and even if he’s sobbing and shaking as much as she is, relief runs over her body like water. Knowing that he doesn’t find her disgusting or untouchable or a stranger, even if her stomach is standing between them, pressed into his abdomen. 

That he’s still her best friend. 

“I’m sorry...”, Finn cries into her ear, shaking and Rey wails ever greater by his words. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry Rey!” He sounds sorry for his action, but also for everything she went through. Like he’s finally understanding that everything leading up to this moment and her actions, was because of manipulation, sexual abuse, and torture. And the biggest of all, that she never felt loved from the start. That she always felt unwanted. 

Rey feels sorry for herself too. 

“It’s alright.” Rey cries, hugging him even harder. “It’s alright.” 

They’ve completely forgotten about Rose and Poe behind them, but she can almost see Rose smiling genuinely and Poe crying in happiness at the reunion that should’ve taken place in the beginning. Shock and despair standing in the way. 

Finn leans away and immediately places his palms over her cheeks, sniffing loudly as Rey does the same. Looking into his eyes as he wipes her tears with his thumbs. 

“I love you, Rey. You don’t need that fucker to tell you anything. I love you, you’re my best friend and I’ll be here for you. Always. Alright?” Rey nods, inhaling loudly as she lets out a small smile. 

“Us too, Rey.”, Poe says and Rey and Finn glance at the officer and the journalist, smiling at them with glittering eyes. “We’ll help you.” 

For the first time in a long time, it finally starts to feel okay.

Maybe Rey can believe that everything could be alright...

Then there is a small, mocking knock on the front door and before Rey can even understand what’s happening, she hears Rose inhale loudly, whispering under her breath. 

“Kylo Ren.”

Not a second goes by before there are shootings, angled at the handle of the door, making the three scream in fear as Rey's eyes widen. Standing up from the chair, the blanket over her shoulders slides down to the floor. Leaving her with the same red nightgown she left in as she places her hands over her bump, taking a deep breath. 

Then the door slams open easily and Rey’s heart stops. 

Like a dream and a nightmare, he’s standing in the doorway with a gun in his hand, the smell of ammunition filling Rey’s lungs together with iron, blood splattered across his face and body like paint. Looking like the psychotic murderer he is. 

Exactly like the first time she ever laid her eyes on him.

Their eyes connect and Kylo smiles, eyes twitching and teeth showing. 

“Hello, sunshine.”

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, we are reaching the end and my heart is breaking! I love you all, thanks for the nice and motivating comments! <33
> 
> Please READ THE TAGS because it gets messed up
> 
> Now, enjoy the second-last chapter! My god, I'm gonna start crying Jeez ignore this and start reading, hurry now!

 

Seeing Kylo makes Rey feel mentally unstable. 

She thought that seeing him would make her vomit in fear and cry for her life. Knowing that this would not end well. 

Yet, a part of her brain tells her to kill him immediately, without batting an eye and the other wants to run into his arms and tell him how much she has missed him. Like he’s coming home from work and she’s back at the house with food ready. 

The two parts of her brain make her mad and frustrated and just confused that she still feels so deeply for this man she thinks she hates so much. 

She wants to be left alone, she wants to raise her kid alone and be  _ left alone  _ but she is still feeling this way and Rey hates herself for being so confused when the answer should be so obvious.

She should hate him but she doesn’t.

It causes her to panic, because not only is she frustrated, but she’s scared too. Rey didn’t think she’d see him so soon. She thought at least three hours. She had parked the car almost an hour away from Finn’s, walking the rest and freezing for dear life, just so he wouldn’t track her down. And yet, two hours later, he’s standing in front of her together with Poe, Finn, and Rose behind her. Blood across his body and face, certainly not his.

Rey's breaths turn heavier, and she knows a panic attack is growing inside of her. She wants to kiss him, and she wants to kill him but she’s too afraid to do both. 

Even if she’s standing in Finn’s apartment, seeing Kylo takes her back to the house. When she was so alone and defenseless, accepting punishments that made him satisfied and accepting that her life would be being Kylo’s slave. She’s not used to seeing him anywhere else than at the house and the sudden change causes her to almost faint.

_ Oh God, he looks so fucking angry she should just ask for forgiveness right now before he’ll punish her  _

_ but no, no go take a knife and slash him across the face what are you waiting for  _

and Rey heaves loudly, gripping her hair in fright and why is she still holding on to him?! Why doesn’t she just kill him?!

“ _ Rey?! _ ”, Finn whispers behind her panicked, but it goes unnoticed by her, she’s completely gone in terror. Lips quivering and eyes wide. 

“Oh, Rey. Sweet sweet Rey, what a fucking night!”, Kylo chuckles loudly, scratching his scalp with the head of the gun. Rey doesn’t leave her weakened sight from him and she can feel Poe, Finn and Rose stare at him in complete shock, eye wide and lips parted. Seeing the man Rey had been stuck with for almost 5 months and it makes her feel ashamed that just minutes ago, she confessed that this is the man she loves.

And she still loves him,  _ why does she still love him?! _

“When I noticed that you escaped, I got  _ pretty  _ fucking angry! So I took a little trip to the Order and killed Snoke before he’d found out and killed me first. So now I’m the leader of the First Order! Made that fucker Hux my bitch too!”

Rey whimpers loudly, legs starting to shake when he suddenly chuckles and like a lion slowing in on its prey, he takes small steps towards her. Every step makes Rey’s eye sting and she bites her lips to contain herself to hold her cry, but she’s so scared. Kylo smiles, eyes becoming wider and fists turning tighter and the dried blood across his face matches his pale skin so perfectly.

_ The man beat her, raped her, tortured her. Why is she still in love with him, why can’t she just be a good mother and kill him? _

He’s close and before Rey can think, she feels Poe stand right beside her. His gun visible in his hand and chest puffed out like the proud officer he is, yet Kylo doesn’t break eye contact. Continuing to smile and continuing to walk closer, not scared one bit. Ignoring their audience and Rey sees how he tries to find something. An answer or an emotion he can use against her, and she knows that panic is the only thing he sees. He tries to calm her down with it. 

“But I’ll forgive you for acting so recklessly. No punishment this time, dear.”, he sings between clenched teeth and Rey takes an alarming grip around Poe’s wrist, breathing heavy and tears running down her cheeks when he’s suddenly way too close. Her hands shake violently, his smirk crooked and eyes twitching, coming closer and closer. “Let’s go home, sunshine.” 

_ The man gave her food, shelter, and love! He gave her flowers and he kissed her so deeply- _

no, no no fucking no she needs to stop! She needs to stop loving him why can’t she stop-

_ what’s wrong with you, you sick fuck! You’re a monster, just like him, you’ll never be a good mother, failure!  _

Rey whimpers in sorrow. 

“You, me...” Kylo smiles and Rey’s heart stop. “ _ Our  _ baby...”

Before anyone can react, Rey takes a hard grip of Poe’s gun. Snatching it from his palm and suddenly, she’s pressing it against his chest with a shaking arm. 

She can hear Finn gasp behind her and Poe looking at Rey with widen eyes, taking a step back in shock. Knowing her panicked, unstable behavior can cause trouble but Rey doesn’t care, she doesn’t care who she kills she just wants to be left alone! 

Rey stares at Kylo with wide, serious eyes, tears running down her cheek as she keeps digging the gun into his chest hard, baring her teeth. Kylo raises an eyebrow in surprise, not expecting something so violent. So daring from her. He sees her crazed, panicked eyes and Rey notices his sudden seriousness, knowing that in her state, anything could happen.

“Don’t you fucking talk about my baby again!”, Rey whispers, jaw tense and eyes twitching.  

Kylo continues to stare at her for seconds, truly shocked by her action, when he suddenly grins and Rey sees red. Arm shaking even more.

Mocking her _. He’s mocking her!_

“Oh, but I fucked that child into you, baby. Don’t you remember, the way you screamed my name when you came-” 

“Shut up!”, Rey screams, breathing heavy through clenched teeth as anger continues to grow in her, turning her blind. She sobs, pressing the gun harder into his chest, making Kylo stumble back a step as she screams, panic making her whole body shudder in instability. “Shut up, shut the fuck up!” 

“Rey, you need to calm down!”, Rose tells Rey with a panicked voice like s _ he’s the crazy one _ but Rey isn’t crazy she just wants to kill him, he should be dead and rotting in the ground and suffer suffer  _ suffer _ ! 

“I should kill you…”, Rey cries, staring deep into Kylo’s eyes who has turned small. Unable to read his expression, but that’s not new, she can never read his fucking  _ beautiful _ face.  Rey' s sobbing, crying with clenched teeth as her arms start to cramp but it doesn’t matter. All fear, frustration, and sadness turn to pure anger and even if she’s yelling, she has never been this afraid in her whole life. Never been this ashamed knowing that her friends behind her are hearing all of this and it’s  _ humiliating _ ! 

“You took everything from me!”, she screams, wiping her tears with the other hand. “ _ Everything _ !”

Kylo looks at her with empathy, pouting. 

“Oh, poor baby...”, he sings with sarcasm, reaching for her nightgown. “I know what you need, sweet Rey. Every time you get this sad, I know what you need. I know you  _ so well _ , sunshine…”

Rey stares at his hand defeated, sobbing while watching him scratch off something dried in and white of the fabric with his nail. Something that makes Rey’s stomach turn. 

Because it was only six hours ago they fucked in the bed at home. And even knowing that she would escape, that she hates him for hurting her kid, she had been moaning, screaming his name, sucked him and done anything to please him. 

She loves him. She’ll always love him. And it reminds her. 

Reminds Rey that he would always own her. Hell, he isn’t even afraid. She’s unstable, her brain feels messed up and he knows it, but he hasn’t backed away once. Because he knows she’ll never shoot him. She won’t dare. 

He’d never let her go. And how much he’d hurt her and how much he’ll fuck her up, Rey would never have the guts to break free. How much she would want to do the right thing, she’d never dare.  How much she’ll fight, she  _ won’t _ dare. 

Kylo really owns her. She has lost this war. Her sanity, her dignity, her everything was Kylo’s now.

All the times he had said to her that she belonged to him is true. Every word is true.

Every single thing that has lead up to Rey being the independent, strong woman, every foster house, every down’s and barely ups, every suffering and every fight she has fought, is for nothing. Her childhood which was so tragic and the home she always wanted, the one created for herself, was for nothing. Her everything was for nothing.

Rey is Kylo’s now. She belongs to him. 

Depression hits her and Rey’s eyes become unfocused, breath turning slower and she starts to see black, her sanity getting slaughtered for every second. She’s a terrible mother. She had become the one thing she never wanted to be. Her own parents. Monsters. 

_ You’re a terrible mother _ …

Her child doesn’t deserve her. Deserve a selfish mother whose life is in a psychopath's hands, the same she loves. No one deserves her. That’s why the universe keeps fucking it for her. That’s why she’ll never live peacefully. It’s her punishment for fighting what was always destined for her. 

An unwanted child. 

_ Rey thinks… She thinks she wants to die.  _

“Rey?!”, Rose cries and Rey didn’t realize she said that out loud but  _ whatever _ . 

“Whatever…”, Rey mutters under her breath with half-closed eyes and the gun she pressed against Kylo’s chest, is now pressed against her head. 

It’s finally peaceful inside of her mind. The two voices that wanted to hug Kylo and the other kill him are quiet now, the thought of a never-ending sleep scared them both and Rey’s lets out a relieved sigh. Finally, everything is starting to feel good. 

It’s the opposite around Rey though. She can hear Finn cry her name and Poe screams at her to stop, but opening her eyes she only sees Kylo. 

He looks scared. 

His eyes are wide, jaw clenched and pure terror is spread across his face just like the blood. He’s paler than he already is, looking down at her pouting stomach and her over and over again and Rey has never seen him scared before. 

Why would he be scared for her? He doesn’t love her…

“Rey, what the  _ fuck  _ do you think you're doing?!”, Kylo screams through clenched teeth, looking truly horrified, and it’s so ironic that everything with him turns to anger. Happiness, loneliness. Fear. Rey smiles. “Put it down, put it fucking down!” He’s almost panicking, voice filled with rage yet alarm and it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel good scaring him. Why had he done this to her then, so many times? It didn’t feel good. He truly doesn’t love her...

Rey stares deep into nothingness, a shadow of sadness wrapping around her. 

“Kylo Ren, you need to listen  _ closely _ .” Rose raise her voice for the first time and it’s loud enough to stop the whole chaos, everyone's attention on the journalist except for Rey. She’s fine, standing where she is. She’s fine. 

Kylo stares at her with small eyes, chest heaving heavy. Glancing between Rey, her stomach and Rose. 

“Who the fuck are you?”, he spits, like she hasn’t stood there the whole time. Rose raised her head and takes three small steps towards him and Rey, her heels echoing through the quiet apartment.

“I’m the woman who’ll take you and your First Order down if you don’t listen carefully.” Kylo chuckles loudly, distress heard in his undertone. Like he’s hearing a really sarcastic joke right when his baby mother is about to blow her head off.

“Don’t you fucking play with me-”

“I have enough evidence to bring to the FBI.  _ This _ isn’t hidden businesses, Ren. You can’t hide Rey’s story.” Rose lifts her recorder, shaking it like a dog's toy and if Kylo wasn’t angry before, he is now. His teeth would break if he kept clenching harder and his eyes turn red in rage, blood vessels exploding and twitching the way it does when he loses his temper. Rose stares deep into his eyes when she smiles, taunting him. “Don’t try anything, Ren. I have copies.” 

“You fucking-” Kylo takes a step towards the journalist, but not before Poe stands in his way, right between Rose and Kylo. Without hesitation, Kylo takes up his gun and aims right on the forehead of the police officer, his eyes unstable with insanity and anger but before he pulls the trigger, a small sound comes from Rey. 

Everyone becomes quiet when they turn their heads towards the voice, the sound of Rey loading the weapon against her head. 

Rose's eyes widen, just as Poes and Finn are already crying in terror. But Kylo looks at her so panicked, so scared. Sweat is running down his face and he’s holding his breath, ready for the painful shoot but Rey only stares at him with half-open eyes, blinking slowly. 

“ _ Listen _ to her.”, Rey demands with a firm voice, a warning, and even if Rose looks dreadful, she almost seems a bit thankful. 

Kylo swallows in panic, hand clenching by his side a few times before putting down his gun.

“You’re the new leader of the Order, right?”, Rose asks with confidence in her voice and Kylo doesn’t answer the question, eyes staring with nothing but hate for the journalist. “You'd better tell your men to take care of your business somewhere else. The drug and weapon cartel, everything. Or there won’t be any more  _ businesses _ at all.”

It becomes way too quiet, way too tense with a staredown between Rose and Kylo and Rey can almost hear everyone's heartbeat race in sync. 

“I’ll do it,”, Kylo spits in anger, before breaking his stare and glancing at Rey, who’s eyes she won’t meet. “I’ll do it if you just take that fucking gun away from your head!”

Minutes go by before Rey finally looks him in the eyes, her own hazy with sadness and frustration. 

If she’ll shoot herself, he’d continue his terror. But if she doesn’t, he’ll pull away all his businesses in the city. Saving hundreds of people from drugs and weapons. Even his own men from the police station will disappear. All the corruption will be gone, and he’ll lose amounts of money. Just because of her. Just because he wants her to be alive.

Just because of his love for the baby. 

He truly is a monster. 

Rey isn’t important enough to die, She can't let others suffer because she’s weak and selfish and wants to die. She’ll have to live with herself, give birth to her child and continue this painful life. She doesn’t want to, but she isn’t important enough. 

_ Fuck!  _

Rey swallows, sobbing quietly. All eyes on her when she slowly and carefully takes away the gun from her head, Kylo’s eyes small in concentration, following the gun until it’s away from her, out of reach. 

When it drops to the floor, Kylo’s eyes are back at her again and he’s furious. Fucking furious with her and Rey is sure that if they were back at the house, this would be the moment he’d kill her. He’d put his hands around her throat and he would clench. Clench until she’d turn blue, and she wouldn’t mind. 

Tears run down her eyes and her legs shake violently, face hanging and staring at the ground when he suddenly takes a hard grip of her hair, snatching her up to meet his cold-hard stare. The action causes her friends to gasp in alarm, but Rey is so used to the violent acts by now that she doesn’t even react. 

He leans down to her ear and Rey closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. Filling her lungs with the smell of him, but the blood is taking over his scent. 

“If you ever do that kind of shit again,”, he whispers so beautifully in her ear, lips brushing against her skin. “I’ll kill you myself. Got that, dear?” 

Rey doesn’t answer for a few seconds, wanting the closeness to last while it can but everything has its end. Everything. 

So she nods, taking a grip of the front of his blazer before nodding again. She just wants to be close to him. She just wants-

He releases her, taking a step back, glaring at her with dead eyes before looking at Rose, Poe. Then Finn. 

Kylo smiles.

Then he turns around to leave. 

He leaves Rey. Just like everyone else. And this time he won’t come back with flowers, she just knows it.

Rey kind of blacks out. She doesn’t remember clearly, because Finn and the rest suddenly stand in front of her and tries to calm her down, but she is screaming for Kylo, fighting against their hold as she tries to grasps the door, but she can’t reach. 

She screams for him to come back. That she needs him. That she loves him. 

_ She loves him! _

Kylo doesn’t answer back. 

He never does. He never did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey became literally insane, but she's free. At what cost, though? 
> 
> What did you think of this chapter...? I know its angsty, but believe me, the ending won't be nearly as bad ;) or will it...? Omg, I don't want to spoil it hihi don't mind me!
> 
> Thank you for reading, love you all <333
> 
> ~Lenkia


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, here it is, the end... 
> 
> As a beautiful goodbye gift, we've reached 1000 kudos! The sight made me cry, I love you guys so much! <333 Thank you for everyone who followed me to the end, who left a kudos, a comment and even a view! Thank you for motivating me to continue and I'll miss you guys so much<333 
> 
> Now please, enjoy this last chapter and thank you once again for being such angels!

 

Rey is staring into the wall, blankets covered over her body. Shivering in Finn's bed. 

She doesn’t know what she’s doing. She hasn’t even gone to the hospital yet, to check on her child. Right now, it’s empty inside of her. Emotionally. Kylo, the man who destroyed her spine, held her up and later left her to crumble down, is now gone. And Kylo is a part of Rey. So she’s gone too. 

Her heart aches a lot. Rey cries a lot. 

She digs her head into Finn's pillow, searching for the smell of him, her and the smell of sex that they always leave behind. A part of Rey wants to be right where she is now, knowing that she is safe, knowing that Finn, Rose, and Poe are whispering about her wellbeing in the living room and that she’s not alone. The other part of Rey wants to open her eyes and see Kylo leaning over her on the bed, a grin on his face. 

Rey clenches her eyes and she cries, cries for the hundreds of time with her hands on her belly.

He left her with a child, their child. He left her baby. 

She tries to ignore her friends' worried stares from the door since she isn’t allowed to close it. They leave her alone, but she can hear them argue about what to do with her. Poe wants to put her in a mental facility, probably thinking she’s crazy.  _ Thanks, Poe _ .

Finn tells them to give her space, to let her cry out. To let her breath. Rey is thankful for Finn. What would she do without him? 

So Rey sleeps in Finn’s bed and she cries. On repeat. 

 

 

A week goes by before they start to talk to her. 

“Hey, Rey.”, Finn sings, sitting by the edge of the bed, and Rey turns her body towards him, squints her eyes. Poe turns on the lamp and it’s way too bright but Rey doesn’t have the power to tell him to turn it off. “I’ve bought you something!” 

Rey sits up, rubbing the sleep from her face when she suddenly sees a bag. McDonald’s. 

Rey never thought that fast food would cheer her up like this. 

Finn sits beside her on the bed, Rose on the floor with her legs crossed and Poe leaning against the wall. Staring at Rey shoving chicken nuggets in her mouth as she moans, rubbing her belly pleased. 

“So good.”, Rey whispers, chewing some fries too and Poe chuckles loudly. Finn smiles so big Rey almost thinks he’s about to cry. 

“Is food magical or does a spell only work on you?”, Finn laughs, making Rose grin when Rey for the first time in forever smiles a bit. 

“I think it’s just me.” Rey yawns with the cola in her hand, the sleepiness still lingering in her. “I can’t remember the last time I ate greasy food. Or didn’t make food.” She glances down at her belly and her mind starts to drift to somewhere else and her voice turns lower. “I... cooked a lot.” 

“Rey.”, Rose interrupts, making Rey look up from her stomach. “I want you to start therapy.” Her eyes widen and the nugget she just ate threatens to come up again, but before Rey starts to panic, Rose shakes her head calming. 

“I know it sounds scary, but believe me. It helps a lot. I can’t leave knowing that you haven’t done a session, at least once.”

“You’re leaving?”, Rey asks shocked, leaving the subject completely. The journalist smiles, a half-hearted one. 

“I have to get back to New York, try to find a job.” Rose grins. “Does  _ the New York times _ sound good?” Rey stares at her for several seconds before she nodes, feeling her eyes starting to water. 

This wonderful woman she barely knew, has saved her life in such a way no one has done. Rey would forever be grateful for her and her skills. Knowing that she’d never been able to pay back, Rey feels guilty if she doesn’t start therapy. At least for Rose’s sake. And maybe, talking would be good. If Rey opened up to Finn, he’d faint two minutes in. She just knows it. 

Rey would do it for Rose, a thank you for being the most amazing human being. 

If Rose isn’t the perfect journalist, she doesn’t know who is. 

Rey whispers, wiping her tears.

“It sounds perfect.”

 

 

The same day Rose leaves, is the same day Rey finally gets out of bed to have her first appointment. 

Rey hasn’t left Finn’s for two weeks, but an appointment has been booked and Finn would take her, he promised. 

Taking a bath and putting on clothes Poe bought for her in the mommy section, a pair of jeans and a black knitted shirt, Rey later stands in the kitchen. Waiting for Finn who can’t find his car keys, yelling to him that maybe he has forgotten them in the bathroom while eating Doritos straight out of the bag. As Finn claims they aren’t there, Rey stops to chew, staring right into space. She realizes something. 

This is freedom. 

This is the freedom she so long has wanted. The freedom she never had in the house. To eat chips, have hair in a messy bun and wear non-revealing clothes. To scream at Finn to hurry up without fearing to get beaten and to think about how she needs to talk with “respect”. It’s easy, calm and relaxing. Rey isn’t… scared. 

Seconds go by before Rey shakes her head, continuing to chewing with a small smile. 

Freedom feels good. 

 

 

It’s hard. Talking about it. 

Her doctor is a nice, recently graduated lady named Dr. Ko Connix. Her eyes are way too intense and she barely smiles, yet Rey likes her. She doesn’t know why. 

In the first session, Rey didn’t understand what she was doing there. Talking about it to a stranger felt weird and the doctor wouldn’t understand. No one would understand. So that day went to being quiet as Dr. Ko Connix watched her, waiting for a reaction. 

In the second meeting, the doctor asks questions. Way too impersonal. Probably to make her feel safer without feeling threatened about her experience. But talking about the weather and changing it to her sad story doesn’t feel so appropriate, so that didn’t go as well either. 

Ready to leave for the day, Dr. Ko Connix stops her by the door, noticing Rey’s gloomy face. 

“Ms. Niima.” Rey turns to the doctor, whose eyes are filled with honesty. “Talking about anything, from your trauma or the weather, is a process. Every word is process.” It gives Rey a bit of a push and leaving the building, she thinks that maybe the doctor would understand. Maybe just a bit.

In the third session, Rey slowly dares to speak up. 

“He… wasn’t nice to me…”, Rey whispers, looking down at her hands. Feeling a blush spread across her face in embarrassment. Talking about herself, about how sad her life feels way too selfish, but she reminds herself. It’s from Rose. She does this for Rose. 

Judging by the way Rey is in therapy, the word  _ nice _ is loaded and both of the women know that is not the right choice of word.

Maybe out of annoyance, that this is the third session and nothing but  _ that  _ has come out of her mouth, Dr. Ko Connix puts down her notebook and leans forward in the chair. That woman has a serious poker face, yet her eyes are shining with concern. Maybe that’s why Rey likes her so much. She can read her just by the eyes.

“Ms. Niima, what is your goal?”, she asks as Rey swallows, feeling her eyes burn. “One day, maybe two weeks, maybe two years, you and I will have our last session. You’ll leave this building and won’t come back again once you and I know that your goals are complete. So Ms. Niima, what is your goal?” 

Rey stares at the doctor, zooming out as the question stands. 

_ What is your goal? _

“I want…”, Rey whimpers, her eyes turning blank and lips quivering. “I want… I want to become my old self.”, she cries, wiping her tears.”I want to be the strong girl I once were. I want to be independent, and happy with the little thing I have and I want to be  _ Rey _ again. The girl who beat the foster system and beat the universe, who told me that I’m unwanted and nothing.” 

Rey places her hands on her pouting stomach and sobs. Trying to hold in her tears but it only has the opposite effect. 

“I want to be a good mother to my child. I want to be her everything.” 

_ I want to be the mother I never had _ . 

Dr. Ko Connix stares at Rey, who’s a crying mess, with a satisfied smile. A smile so calming and so comforting that Rey doesn’t need a hug to know that everything would be alright. 

“You have wonderful goals.”, she says and Rey looks up at her, sobbing loudly. “And we’ll complete all of them, I promise. I can see, you’re already halfway there.” 

Rey wipes her tears, calming down because her heart is now pounding lighter and her shoulders aren’t as heavy. Rey smilies.

_ Maybe she is.  _

 

 

“You see the baby there, right there?”, the nurse says, pointing at the black and white screen that shows blurry movements of a lump with a smile. “She’s a strong girl.” 

Finn is holding her hands, squirming with laughs while jumping in the chair and Poe is hiding his tears by making loud ‘naaww’ sounds, and a doctor walks by staring at the teenagers annoyed while the nurse laughs at their reaction, telling them that they’ll get a picture each too. A lot is happening around her.

But Rey is not with them. No, it’s only her and her child, staring at each other. She looks at the ultrasound, of her now 5-months old baby girl sleeping in the blurry picture, the sound of her heartbeat pumping in her ears and Rey have never thought that a sound so simple could change her this much. Never has a sound made her want to protect someone so strongly and Rey realized that second that she could die for her baby. She could kill for her. 

Tears are streaming down her face, and she sobs loudly while putting her palm over her abdomen, careful not to touch the gel spread across her stomach. She loves her.  _ She loves her so much! _

Her friends turn quiet, glancing at Rey with love in their eyes as she dries her tears. 

“Hormones!”, Rey whimpers with a smile as they laugh around her. 

“Hormones or not, you’re a strong woman and that’s a strong baby girl.”, the nurse smiles, not knowing her words carry such power. 

“She’s a survivor, this one.”, Finn chuckles, hugging his friend with a smug glance. 

 

 

A week later, Rey takes the first step in her apartment. Finn didn’t know if it would be such a great idea, implying that she could stay as long as she wanted. But Rey wants to be independent. She has to reach her goal. Poe said she should go, why not? And Rose, all the way from New York, thought the same over the phone. Dr. Ko Connix told her that it’s Rey’s, and only, Rey’s decision. 

But… Rey wants to go home. It’s time to go home.

It’s just like as she left it. Or rather,  _ got taken away _ . There are still unopened boxes in the living room and a vacuum cleaner blocking the hallways. But Rey doesn’t mind. 

She drags her hand against the wallpapers and she takes a deep breath, taking in the funky smell of home. Her home. She worked for this, alone and as a child. It’s her own. And marble stairs and kitchen islands would never beat this. Never. 

She wastes no time. Doing what she would’ve done if the tragedy never happened. 

In her small room, she finds her old clothes and Rey laughs in happiness. Never thinking that her rags she calls clothing would make her so happy. She puts on an oversized t-shirt that actually fits her stomach and legging, ugly and not sexy at all. Her hair is in a messy braid and it has never felt so good being unattractive. 

The vacuum cleaner is connected to the power outlet and the screaming sound tells Rey to start. 

Within hours, Rey cleans the house. She vacuums every corner, place every item to their places and throws the boxes away, washes the sink, even the microwave and oven. She makes the windows sparkle and hours into her mission Finn calls, annoyed when she tells him that she’s cleaning, but she calms him down and tells him that making the house pretty isn’t bad for the baby, she can’t always rest. Later, she scrubs the floor and makes her bed, the two mattresses on the floor and fluff her two pillows. 

Rey sighs satisfied, then she glances at the nearest window and it’s dark outside. 

With sore feet, she walks slowly to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Sipping on it, she tips her way towards the window. The same window where she saw Kylo for the first time. 

Rey doesn’t want to think about him, not even for a second, so she covers the window with the curtains and walks hurried to the front door where her jacket his hanging, digging in the pockets. 

Then she goes back to the kitchen, and with a magnet she proudly pins the picture of her ultrasound on the fridge, smiling at her baby while caressing her stomach. 

_ Her baby girl.  _

 

 

Rey is getting ready for work. She’s having the late shift and she’s way too excited. 

She runs to the bathroom, fixing her three buns and smoothes the khaki shirt with her name tag on it, checking her mascara while mumbling the recipe for a mocha latte. 

Rey hasn’t forgotten that, so she mumbles the recipe for Chai tea too. 

There is a knock on the door and Rey rolls her eyes with a smile. It must be Finn. She was on the phone with her best friend yesterday, claiming how excited she was for work and Finn had sarcastically told her that he would be there and take photos of her, claiming that she was acting like a child ready for her first school day.

“Oh, you idiot…”, Rey whispers to herself, chuckling while leaving the bathroom. There is a second knock and Rey laughs loudly. “Coming!” 

She opens the front door. “You are so damn annoying-”

It isn't Finn she sees. It’s him. 

It has been almost a month since she last saw him, and she has forgotten his face by now. Not wanting to even think about him. Almost three weeks into therapy and she still hasn’t dared to bring him up detailed. Every time he has popped up into her mind, Rey has shut it down. Simply because she can. 

Now, she can’t. He’s standing right in front of her. With a black expensive suit, hair in a low bun, and two bodyguards behind him as accessories. His evil, cold-hearted grin is spread across his face and his eyes burn with something dark. The same darkness Rey fell for, the same darkness that has a crooked hand motioning with its finger to come towards him gracefully. 

The smile Rey had when she opened the door died, replaced with a horrified face. Her heart stops to beat and her eyes widen in terror by the sight of her baby daddy. Of her worst enemy and lover. 

She lets out a small whimper when he chuckles by her reaction, his plump lips becoming wider and his voice makes her legs shake in fear. Yet, she keeps looking at him. She turns pale all while admiring his beautiful face, the one she has secretly missed. The sudden change to her body had been odd, from being intimate many times a day to nothing. So his beautiful body and face, his smile she has kissed, the goatee beard he has grown, the eyes that told her nothing but everything, it affects Rey. It affects her deeply. 

And that scares the shit out of her. 

“W-what are you doing here?”, Rey whispers with shaking lips, voice low in fear. Leaning against the door handle to keep her steady because she’s sure she’s going to fall. 

Kylo glance over his shoulders, and with a look, he tells the two giants behind him to stay where they are before walking into her apartment. The sudden closeness startles Rey deeply and she stumbles back in panic, her breath hitching when he closes the door behind him. 

Kylo licks his lips, looking at her like the prey she is and Rey’s hands shake violently as tears start to create in her eyes. 

Looking at him takes her back to the house when she was weak and couldn’t separate between right and wrong. So pressured and mentally ill to do so and seeing him reminds Rey of that. That she’s unstable and nothing but Kylo’s sex slave.  _ Nothing _ . 

But she isn’t. She has built herself up this month, to become a better person and a better mother and he would  _ not _ destroy it for her!

“I wanted to meet you. My child.”, his deep voice startles Rey, the same voice that has said many fucked up things to her and just that gives her flashbacks. 

She doesn’t want anything to do with that! 

“Leave us alone...”, Rey spits through clenched teeth, tears running down her cheeks in frustration. Hands turning into fists and fear into anger. “Leave us alone, we don’t need you in our life!”

He glares at her, smirk gone and replaced with a blank expression. The same Rey had so many nights tried to read and in conclusion, decided that it’s the face revealing his true persona. A bored man, living for the adrenaline rush and not getting what he wants. And that maddens him.

He’s not getting  _ anything _ from her. 

“I’m going to work, now leave me and the baby the fuck alone!”, Rey screams in both terror and rage, wiping her tears while going towards the door. 

“Don’t!”, Kylo screams, taking a hard, painful grip of her wrist. Snatching her towards him and Rey sees red. “Don’t you fucking dare walk away from me-”

Without missing a beat, Rey turns around and slaps him hard across the face with all the force she has. 

And it’s hard, her palm stings badly and seconds later, it still echos against the walls of the hallway. Kylo’s face is twisted to the side, hair covering his face as Rey breathes heavy, snatching back her hand violently. She’s hyperventilating in anger, pouring eyes turning small in hate and he slowly turns his head towards her. Lip cracked and bleeding, one side of his face red and swollen. 

Eyes dark in anger. 

“Don’t fucking touch me.  _ Ever _ .”, Rey whispers, and the words are loaded with threat. 

Rey thinks she sees something else in his dead expression. Only for a second. 

Respect. 

He clenches his fist, three times before walking towards the door in a rage, opening it. Rey sees the hidden shock of the bodyguards, seeing their boss with a bloody lip after a visit with a pregnant woman, before the door slams behind him hard. 

The adrenaline can’t hold her up for much longer, and she crumbles down to the floor, leaning against the wall for support. Staring into space, trying to understand what just happened. 

Then she breaks down and cries. Screaming and wailing into her shaking palms as she’s trying to understand  _ what just happened _ and it hard to take it in.

For the first time in forever, she talked against him. She stood up for herself like the Rey would’ve done. She stood up for her well-being and her baby. 

A small smile grows on her lips. She’s proud of herself. 

 

 

“Am I turning blind?!”, Finn screams at the TV. Pointing his fingers at the six regular girls and one, a regular guy with his five roses. “Is he turning down Ashley over  _ Leia _ ?” 

Rey dies with laughter, can’t hold in her screams. Finn's frustration towards the Bachelor is comical, but with a glass of wine, its pure gold. 

They’re sitting in Rey’s living room, with a bottle of wine for Finn and grape juice for Rey. Both in a wine glass, a reminder of the young humor they have. Together with nuggets and fries, they scream from the floor at the stupid boy for his decisions like he can hear them through the screen. Like a football game, they couch him and criticize his wrongs for picking boobs over minds.

“A great tragedy for history!”, Rey screams with her wine glass in her hands, flying around the room and almost spilling the juice. “That’s what this is.” Finn takes a deep inhale, his eyes widening. 

“Omg, Rey! Do you remember our Ashley from 9th grade and that toilet accident?”, Finn asks with such seriousness that even Rey freeze. 

They stare at each other for only two seconds before they burst out laughing, rolling on the ground. The sudden memory of the little mean girl plugging the toilet and crying in the hallway as the janitor walked to the bathroom with the will to die on his face, makes the teenagers scream in laughter. 

“Poor janitor!”, Finn ads through sobs and it only causes them to cry even more. 

The outro for Bachelor playing in the background, the taste of nuggets and grapes on her tongue, and abs hurting by all the laughter.

That is happiness. 

 

 

It’s a rainy day, and there is a knock on the door. 

Rey, who had been staring out the window and admiring the big drops for hours, turn her head towards the sound. 

She’s free from work today. Finn is back on his studies and Poe is on duty. It’s night in New York. The house is clean and Rey had been looking at cribs for the baby online after breakfast, before closing her phone and let her mind wander. It’s not even lunchtime, yet Rey feels tired and well-rested at the same time. Only the rain makes her feel satisfied. 

Rey slowly stands up, her bare feet hitting the floor with each sound as she sets up her hair messily. She walks to the hallway, hand resting on her stomach and without any sort of fear, she opens the door. 

It shouldn’t surprise her when she sees him again. But she doesn’t let it show on her, staring at him with small eyes, completely ignoring the giants behind him. She glances discreetly at the bruise on his cheekbone she left him, together with his cracked lip and seeing it doesn’t make her feel like a better person. Just a better mother, protecting her child. 

He glances back at her, eyes loaded with something Rey can’t name and it makes her body shiver, every hair on her body rasing in alarm. Their staredown is filled with such tension that Rey’s beating heart is almost heard across the hallway, and she swallows in nervousness. But not in fear. She can sense it from him, he’s not here to hurt her. Maybe she knows him too well by now. 

He takes a step into the apartment, Rey takes a step back too. Without breaking eye contact, Kylo closes the door behind him and the sound makes Rey breath hitch once again. He waits on something from Rey. A protest or an emotion, but she doesn’t give anything away. She won’t give anything to him. 

The air around them is buzzing with tension, loaded like a gun. Kylo’s eyes are burning with something Rey has never seen on him, and she welcomes it by slowly lifting her head, glancing up to face him.

This time, when he takes a step closer, Rey doesn’t move and then he takes one more. It’s quiet, the rain hitting the windows echoing in the house and it the only thing that’s happening. Then they stare at each other a little longer like a challenge, before he cups her cheek. His rough palm fitting her perfectly. 

Rey closes her eyes and she waits. She waits until she feels his lips on hers. 

It doesn’t take long before a month absent from each other grows heated. What was a romantic kiss turns into a mix of tongues and saliva, Rey’s hands placed on his. The taste of him, iron and Kylo, only reminds Rey how addicting he could be. Like the drugs he smuggles and the weapons he uses. 

They somehow move deeper into the apartment and when Rey opens up her eyes again, she’s suddenly laying on her bed. Hair released from its place spread across the pillows and arms on both sides of her head. Chest heaving with every breath as she watches Kylo lean over her. Half-opened with lust as he looks at her intensely. It makes Rey blush before he leans down to kiss her. 

Balancing on his knees, careful not to press against her stomach, he slowly takes off her clothes, piece by piece and Rey doesn’t protest once. Only whimpering after his touch when she’s laying completely naked before him, arching her chest into his own as she moans into his ear. 

“I’ve missed you...”, she whispers, voice shaky and hands even shakier as she pushes the blazer of his shoulders, making him groan loudly. “I’ve missed you so much.” 

“Rey… Rey…”, he whispers back, pushing off his trousers smoothly and kissing her neck while doing so. Sucking into the skin and playing with her swollen breasts that makes Rey cry. They’re much bigger than before, and he enjoys them. Licking her nipples softly and messaging them as Rey squirms in place, hooking her legs around his hips and pushing him against her. 

“P-please!”, Rey cries desperately, and Kylo wastes no time.

When he penetrates her, pushing into her, the feeling of being full just feels so right. Natural and perfect and Rey moans loudly, kissing the corner of Kylo’s lips as he groans into her collarbone. She was so empty before. So so empty. 

Every thrust feels better than before, every moan makes her heart race faster and every heavy breath Kylo takes makes Rey dizzier. She presses her forehead against his, breathing against each other's lips as a layer of sweat cover their bodies. Rey stares at his closed, concentrated eyes. His lips parted and brows furrowed in pleasure and every thrust makes her fall deeper and deeper. It’s scary and addicting, just like himself. She’s afraid. 

“I love you, Kylo.”, Rey cries against his lips, tears running down to her ears. Kylo opens his eyes slightly, never stopping to thrust and his stare is filled with emotions Rey can’t name. “I love you so much!” 

Kylo places his hand on her hip. Caressing the two letters claiming she’s his before letting them slide against her stomach. Resting there, he whispers words into her ear and Rey cries into his shoulder, feeling months of sadness and frustration flow out of her. Leaving her with only satisfaction.

The words almost make Rey regret nothing. 

Almost.

 


End file.
